whitestripe

So, DF's sister was due about a week ago. The actual due date is a bit hazy, the hospital and the dr's say different dates.

Anyway, so SIL has NOT been a happy camper for the whole of pregnancy. Granted, she did lose 9 kg's at the start due to morning sickness (which lasted 3 months non-stop). Admittedly that would put me off the whole journey of pregnancy too. But she is just SO difficult to please. She has been fine for the last 6 months other than tiredness, hungryness, normal pregnancy aches and pains etc. But everything has to be SUCH a big deal, and everything has to be about her.

So now she is unhappy because the hospital will not induce her until the 18th. Personally, I am not a fan of inducing unless it is for actual medical reasons (not 'I want it out' reasons). A baby should come when it is ready, and when your body is ready to let it go. But that's just me and my humble opinion.

So because she can't be induced, according to her mum (who visited us today, she is living with SIL at the moment - just to get away) she is just being a pain about everything. As usual, it is all about her. It is all just 'too much'.

Does this not ring warning bells for anyone else?

For reference: DF's sister started uni, quit after a year. Moved in with her dad, left after only a month. Started another uni course, left after a year and a half. Broke up with her ex, moved in with us and planned to save for a trip overseas. Got a job at a bar to save money. Gave up on going overseas, decided to start a fashion course - loaned the money from her and DF's dad for it. Started dating DF's best friend. It was too hard to not see him and go to the fashion course, so she quit that. Started planning to move into a shed that her BF was going to build on their land. Also decided to have a baby together (after being together less than 6 months). Lost the first baby. Was told to wait 3 months before trying again. Got pregnant after a month and a half.

Anyway, as you can see - she can't finish things, and she's impulsive. She's a lovely person when she wants to be though. (when she WANTS to be).

So I am just concerned - a baby is not exactly something you can 'quit' when you want. You can't get a refund and then lie on the couch for three months. So I talked to DF tentatively about it -it's his sister after all. He knows what she's like. I asked him if he knew how much hard work having a child will be. I don't mean 'hard work' I just mean, responsibility. He said yes, of course.

I don't know why I worry about these things. I don't even think I was worried about it, I think I just wanted to make a point about SIL. We have completely different circumstances to his sister to begin with. And I think we tend to think things through a little more. We might actually think a little TOO much. But we do PLAN as well, which is important, right?

I went to the Growers Market yesterday like I usually do. It's organic and locally grown.

This is what I got for $29.50:

1kg ladyfinger bananas
1kg cavendish bananas
1kg baby carrots
1kg potatos
1/2 pumpkin
1 capsicum
500g green beans
500g field mushrooms
500g zucchini
1kg roma tomatoes
3 bunches bok choi
2 leeks
1 fancy lettuce
4 cucumbers
1kg brocolli
250g baby spinach leaves
500g onions

I usually only take $30-$40 each week. If I get everything I need for under that amount, I might buy some incense or some soap of some kind.

DF got a call from the man, P, who we bought our house from, asking DF if he would be able to sand their deck. As luck would have it, DF is free this weekend so he said yes. When DF said he would have to call him back with a price, P said 'Don't worry about it, I trust you, just tell me the price when you finish.' He also said he would give DF cash (as in, no tax! no declaring income! woo!).

First of all, P is a builder, so I am sure he has loads of contacts when it comes to sanding and sealing floors and decks. So it's nice that he thought of us.

As I've said in previous posts, he IS actually a really nice guy, so is his wife. I went there today to help DF for a couple of hours, their house is gorgeous. It's fairly big (but not ridiculously big) with huge grounds and gorgeous gardens. It's very much what you would call 'an estate'.

They actually live on the same road as us too, only further up.

Anyway, so that is about $800 extra we will have made this week, for two days work. DF will be giving some of it to his dad, probably around $200 (who owns all the equipment) and then we will use the rest for spending money (groceries, petrol etc). We will use $400 from our accounts for a personalised plate for DF's car (already talked about it ages ago - we also get a $50 voucher for free when we get a PP) and the other $200 for my fine

I'm also going to drastically reduce my personal spending money and find as many good deals grocery-wise to make up for my fine, too.

Anyway, I just wanted to write about it, because I thought it was nice for P and his wife to think of us!

Last night we went to dinner at DF's uncles house. His other uncle and auntie and their children were up from Tasmania, we had not seen them in about 3 years. It was a one hour drive to get there, we left to go home at around 10pm.
The entire way home is a highway, which is usually empty at that time of night.
Anyway, long story short I got a speeding fine!!! ARGH! $200 and I think 3 points off my license.
I am on my Provisional license ( once you get get your Learners through a written test, you then take the driving test after a year for your 'real' license, then you are on your P's for 3 years, then you get your Open license after that). I am not really sure of all the laws now, they recently changed. I could have 4 points in total, or I could have 6 points.

A little while ago my dad told me a story about a co worker of his. My dad is a music buyer and works in the head office of a large music store chain. They are all rather well paid, and as you can imagine, every single one of them buys a coffee or three every day.
One day, my dads co-worker announced that he would be drinking the company supplied instant coffee every day, and saving the money he would have spent through the year, to speed up the savings for a new car. His challenge was, if he could commit to not buying a single cup of coffee out for an entire year, he would buy himself a Mazda 3 wagon (trading in his 4x4 as well).
Every day, my dad said, they would all come back to the office with their cups of freshly brewed espresso coffee and tease him as he choked down the instant coffee. 'You bastards,' he said to them as they wafted the cups under his nose. He stuck with it though, and he now has his new car, and the others are all suitably impressed with his determination.

He's now saving for a new guitar amp in the same way.

My dad's office also has a swear jar. Every time someone swears, they have to put 20c in. Apparently it's at around $300.

My loose menu plan for the week:

Wednesday: Spinach Ricotta & Haloumi Rustic Pie with green salad.

Thursday: Baked Sweet Potato with Salad & Greens

Friday: Pasta Bake (a new recipe I found online - pumpkin, ricotta, spinach etc)

Saturday: Pizza (thanks to ceejay & AS's recipe!)

Sunday: Risotto


I won't plan next weeks yet as it's a bit far away I don't know what I will feel like making. But rest assured it won't be takeaway! I will make something from what I have.

I know that personally, and for a lot of other people too, their relationship with food can be closely tied with their relationship with money.

I know I am strict with money (in an organisational way) because when I was raised, my parents, well, my mother particularly, was very strict with food. When I grew up and started doing things for myself, I knew I didn't want to have the relationship with food that my mother has. So it carried onto money instead. While a lot of people would say I'm pretty relaxed with spending, I still suffer a lot of guilt over spending on certain things.
It is the same with food. My mother, for so many years, ingrained in us what foods were good and what were bad. And it's not the ordindary good and bad. Even today it's hard for me to eat those foods without feeling guilt - and my parents (mother and stepfather) eat them now too. I wonder if parents ever think about their actions, even the very very small actions, and wonder if years down the track that small thing is going to make such an impact on their small childs life.

So you're probably wondering, what were the bad foods? Well, here's a few: anything with sugar (except in my mums coffee - of course), dried fruit and fresh fruit together (separately they were ok), soy, black pepper, wheat, corn, potatoes (for a short while), yeast, anything with aspartame, anything artificially sweetened or flavoured etc.

*sigh*

So on my dads side, everything in moderation is fine. My dad, personally, is medically diagnosed ceoliac, but he doesn't think gluten or wheat is 'evil' more that he can't eat it. It's interesting how different my mother and father are. I wonder sometimes how different it would have been had I grown up more around my dad.

So I grew up with a weird mentality towards food. Of course I gorged myself on junk food at school so we have that whole 'binge - deny - excess - deprivation' thing going on there too, and that's where the money thing comes in because once I started working, I was able to treat myself, and where to start but with food, eh? And so then I felt guilty because I was spending the money I earnt, well, a lot of it, on food I wasn't supposed to be eating!

DF struggles too. He also grew up with the whole 'wheat is bad' thing. So we're a couple of basket-cases when it comes to food. And considering I work at a bakery and get bread for free, you start to get an idea of how mixed up we both feel sometimes.

So while on one hand I try to live a life where I tell myself that I am alright if the majority of my food is fresh and free of preservatives and additives - but on the other hand there is this whole mix up of what is good and bad. And I am starting to realise that the control my mother had over food, has been pushed to my finances. I guess that is an element I will always have in my life; that a certain part of it must alway be 'under control'.

DF and I, as we grow up and together, are realising that our parents aren't always right. Isn't it just the saddest and most confusing thing when you start realising these things? I think the first time that happened to me I was about 13. And I mean hey, even you guys can see my mother doesn't have it all figured out. Sure, she may eat organic this and no-sugar that, but it doesn't cancel out the damage all that alcohol is doing to her system!

So atleast I recognise this and can make sure there aren't any excessive binges in the financial department. I just need to concentrate on allowing myself to enjoy certain purchases (magazines, coffee, books, clothes) without feeling excessive guilt over the items in question. It is why I constantly have to remind myself that we are on this earth for a lifetime, and we must enjoy that lifetime. Not irresponsibly enjoy it, but not deprive oneself either. And to always focus on the bigger picture.

I am doing well with the freezer cleanout. Yesterday we had bologanise (from the freezer) and I made a vege pasta sauce for myself. I made a double mix for myself so unfortunately I didn't actually generate space in my freezer seeing as I put the leftovers in there . But I also took out a chickpea & pumpkin curry for myself and a beef & redwine casserole for DF. I will have rice with mine and DF's I will make into a pot pie. We've also eaten the half loaf of sourdough and some tofu. BUT I made more dog food because of our poochy-guests, so it's pretty much chock-a-block for a while. *sigh*

In other news, we have a little more than an extra one months' minimum mortgage payment in our mortgage account, and are nearly under the 300k mark!

I am going to attempt to make a pizza base at home sometime this week. I know it's pretty normal to do and everyone should know how, but I usually make them at work - or get someone else to make them there for me And it will be a little difficult, seeing as normally they are made with a 25 kg bag of flour - hmm, not sure I want that much pizza. So making it to proportion will be the tricky part. Any good pizza base recipes?

Only 5 weeks and three days til we pick up the engagement ring. I don't understand why it had to take so long, it's very plain. But *sigh* what can you do?

DF's sister still has not had the baby! She was due on Saturday. Any moment now I expect to get a call.
My brothers partner is due in about 5 weeks now too. One of our friends is due TODAY as well, and another of my friends is due in 3 weeks. Another friend is due in 3 months. Ek. So many babies!

Well, I just wanted to start with saying thankyou to everyone for all your comments, advice and wisdom from my last couple of posts. I know that mostly all of it wasn't finance related but I do appreciate how close everyone is here. So THANKYOU.

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I don't know if I have mentioned this yet, but the youngest apprentice has resigned at the bakery, and her last day is on Friday. Her parents are getting divorced and she is moving back to New Zealand. Remember how all our shifts changed, and I lost one day every three weeks? Well, it's all back to normal now (except for J who still loses a day a week - and like another co-worker, T, said: 'oh, and it couldn't have happened to a *nicer* person' LOL)

So, that's good that my hours are back to normal.

My boss and his wife apparently had an argument because my boss wants me to work out the back, but his wife wants me to cover J's lost shift every week out the front, serving customers.

I don't mind either way; but it's nice to know I'm valuable!

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I mentioned the distance Uni thing to a friend who came over for a BBQ on the weekend. She said she did her last year via distance-online, and wishes she did the whole thing like that.

I know I didn't really touch on why I don't want to go to a physical university. Well, it's hard to put into words really, because I am still trying to figure out why myself. But to put a long story short: it makes me feel anxious and sick; and that's just thinking about it and not actually doing it. So I understand that people are concerned that the workload will be large and I will only have myself to rely on, I need to assure you all that I completely understand that. Also want to reassure you all that the Uni I will be going through is renowned for its distance programs.

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So I'm thinking it's probably very likely I will apply to study next year. Maybe not at the start of the year though. It's harder to get accepted at the start of the year because of all the school-leavers.

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That being said, if my boss offers me the apprenticeship I might give it some thought. I have been working there for over 3 years, it would be nice to have something to show for it.

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I've made some great desserts the past two days. Last night I made my first ever chocolate souffle, and tonight I made baked custard. My only complaint is that the recipes were for 2 people - but there was far too much for DF and I, both recipes I followed could have fed 4!

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Today I came home from work and again, our verandah was covered in water. I cleaned it up and then decided to go and see the neighbours. By it happening twice, it was obvious that it wasn't an accident, it wasn't a child, and that it was intentional.

I was polite to the woman who answered the door. I introduced myself, apologised if the dogs were barking, informed her they would only be there for a few days and asked that they not hose water onto our verandah anymore.

She was nice about it and apologised. They seriously thought that the three dogs were OURS. Who in their right mind would own THREE dogs in suburbia? I'm pretty sure it's illegal anyway...

Anyway. So that was all fine. She said she thought I had guts for going over there and talking to her. (huh?)

About two hours later her husband came over and apologised as well, saying he over reacted.

On a good note, Jed hasn't done any of the barking they said he just sooks when we leave in the morning for work for about five minutes and then goes and chews on his bone.

TBH, they are not the type of people I would choose to spend time with. I'm glad we got that sorted out, and meeting them too (I think they felt bad that our first meeting with them was me asking them not to hose our deck).
They are... a little strange. Harmless (I'm hoping) but strange...

So, for five days we are looking after my mum and DF's dad's dogs. A maltese and another Jack Russell. They bark occasionally - which is annoying, yes, I understand that.

We picked them up yesterday and when we go out we put them on the verandah because we're worried they'll escape.

Today we went to the markets. When we got home, there was water dripping from the roof of our verandah, water all over our outdoor table and chairs, water all over the floor and the dogs blankets.

It had come from the direction of our neighbours, the dogs had obviously been barking and the neighbour had sprayed them with a hose.

We might be over reacting, but I just think that is plain RUDE.

They (the dogs) have not even been here 24 hours. Jed does not bark so I know it has not been a long-coming thing. They have NEVER talked to us before (the neighbours), and they did not bother to come and say anything about it, they just decided to spray our property, our dogs, our house, our possessions, with water.

I don't know what to do. DF and I got home and went on the balcony and DF's reaction was to say very loudly, 'WTF?!'.

We then a few minutes later saw their car leave.

So I am inclined to write a note, to ask them to come and discuss any issues with us they may have, but I don't like confrontation so I don't even want to do that.

DF wants to wait and talk to them face to face. He is calm in confrontations but I don't know what the others are like - we own this property - I don't want to have to deal with dickhead neighbours for the next 5-10 years.

In the meantime, DF's response is to play Rammstein very loudly in the shed.

The sad thing is that we both thought they were cool neighbours til now. I feel cheated and disappointed. The guy is an older man, he has planted lots of native trees on our hillside when the camphorlorals were cut down and poisoned (a pest tree). We hear him playing the banjo sometimes. CORRECTION: i just found out this neighbour is not the one that planted the trees, but is the one that plays the banjo. lol.

ARGH! I'm just so annoyed! Why the *%$# do people have to be so pigheaded!!! It's an animal for gods sake, and they've not been there for more than a day!!!

I've avoided blogging about this for a really long time. I'm not sure why; it's been swirling around in my head, like water around a drain, for MONTHS and I am sure that just getting it out there and getting some unbiased feedback would do me the world of good. But on the other hand, I KNOW the reason I haven't put it down in writing, it's like I have two voices in my head telling me different things. The first one is saying 'you're just unsure, so there's no point fussing about it, mull it over a bit more' and then the second voice is saying 'I know why you REALLY haven't written anything about, because you're afraid once you do it will mean you'll have to DO something about it.'

Sigh.

So what have I been avoiding? Oh, just my whole life. *insert dramatic arm flap here*

Ok, to be serious now. I have two, no, THREE possible futures mapped out ahead of me. I'm just finding it difficult to pick one out of two of the better options, so I'm sticking with the middle option, which is ultimately the easy option, which leads me in the very distinct direction of: no-wheres-ville. (read: doing what I'm doing now - no change, ever.)

There is a possibility of me maybe gaining a qualification as a pastry chef. It will take me 18 months to complete a fast tracked apprenticeship, or less, if my boss will sign me off. There are a couple of problems, however:
- I will go from $20 an hour to some god-awful amount, like $8 an hour or something. I don't actually know how much because it's all rather hazy.
- I will probably have to work 38 hours a week instead of 22. And for less money than I currently earn.
- I will probably still have to do the books at my parents business, otherwise we won't be able to live comfortably, so that means going back to working 55 hours a week again. (Did that two years ago - Blah).
- I don't know if this is something I want to do, other than at the workplace I'm in. I don't see myself seeking out employment somewhere else as a pastry chef.
- I'm not 100% sure if I can do it yet. It's just a possibilty.

The good parts are:
- I will have a qualification.
- I will be able to earn a couple bucks more an hour than I currently am.
- Even though the pay is low, I will get holiday and sick pay - atleast for the 18 month term of the apprenticeship.
- I could win some awards.
- It's an occupation I could fall back on later on.

My second option is to start studying via an online course, a Bachelor in Commerce. Why online? Because the whole idea of going to University doesn't excite me in the slightest. But don't get me wrong, I like the idea of studying and doing a university course - just not on campus.
There is a uni in Australia (about 5 hours drive from me) that does 75% of it's programs online. Only 25% of students attend the university on-campus. About 30% are overseas, the rest scattered throughout Australia. You get everything sent to you on CD, DVD, books and workbooks in parcels, via email and tutorials by podcasts. It is an *actual* university course/degree/everything - for those that were wondering.

I haven't really looked into it but I know I can get the fees deferred by HECS HELP (government program - like a student loan but not really).

Doing an online course means I can still work and I can choose when to study and when to 'attend lectures'.

It also means I have to be super vigilant about motivation and getting work done.

I'm worried though, that I've been out of school, out of study-mode, for so long, that it will be impossible to get back into the zone. I finished high school in '04.

I know my interests lay more with finance than working for someone else in a kitchen. I enjoy cooking and I enjoy finance, but I would rather cook for fun than work. I would rather earn more money being an accountant/financial analyst/advisor etc than being a pastry chef.

But then I'm worried I'll go to all this trouble and then not be able to get a job.

Or worse, go to all this trouble and FAIL MISERABLY.

*sigh*

I guess it all comes down to when I want to take the leap, and which leap I want to take. I think I'm a little scared of failure; I'd much rather sit and do nothing than attempt something and fail.

DF supports me in whatever I choose to do, but he has this belief that I'm super dooper smart and that I would be 'an awesome accountant'. He even talks of being a SAHD while I work (like monkeymama! - I even told him about your blog and he loved it)

I don't know.

Anyway. So thats what I have avoided blogging about for a very long time. That's what's been on my mind. It kind of feels good to get it all out there.

I have so much stuff in the freezer right now, I am finding it hard to get anything else in there!

So the month of July will be dedicated to clearing it out, and starting afresh, all organised and orderly. (bah). But no, I do have the intention of keeping the freezer organised after I've done a big cleanout.

At the moment I have available to use:
1/2 a bag of spinach portions
1/2 bag frozen peas
1 packet of fresh lasagne sheets
700g beef mince
4 x 100g portions tofu
1/2 loaf dark rye
1/2 loaf multigrain
1 x single serve pumpkin soup
1 serving beef and red wine casserole
1 serving chickpea, tomato & cauli curry
2 servings bolognaise sauce
several portions of lemon quarters
5 sheets puff pastry
1/2 packet filo pastry

i also have bacon rashers, but i won't cook them, and DF has them for breakfast when friends are over. there's also a couple of blueberry and white choc scones, but i eat them sometimes for afternoon tea. the rest of the bulk is ice, ice bricks and dog food.

i have other stuff in the fridge and pantry so don't be afraid to make suggestions with other ingredients

any ideas would be appreciated!

Keep track of any savings I make relating to my days off every three weeks.

Get our tax returns done. (Yay! Refunds!)

Clear out our freezer, use everything up and keep it orderly!

Register Jed and take him to the vet for a checkup.

Keep track of all spending.

Wash my car.

Buy fridge door-shelves for our fridge.

Browse some opshops - I am looking for plates, a teapot, some blankets for Jed and some cool containers.

Make sure Jed gets a walk every day, or atleast some form of exercise for 30 mins or more.

Complete atleast one x 1 hour session of yoga a week.

Get a haircut.

Start researching the possibility of Uni next year.

- Begin to keep track of my savings towards offsetting my day off every three weeks (I am beginning the $20 challenge! sort of...)

ooops! kind of forgot about that goal! i will begin it this week, seeing as my first day off is tomorrow...


- Keep my personal spending below my alloted amount.

yesss! I managed to do that, about $80 less for the whole month. I am proud!

- Send any extra remaining to my car loan.

That was the plan - but I can't figure out how to do it. I am going to have to call the bank...

- Keep a watchful eye on DF's spending and let him know when he's close to the limit.

He did well last month, only going over by $7.50 per week. Some may see this as a lot, but I don't.

- finding a present for a friends 28th, and attending her party at the end of the month.

Done! Bought her some body lotion, soaps, body wash, foot soakers and a magic flannel. Total cost including wrapping, just over $30.

- Making a baby hamper for SIL's baby shower

Done! Bought her lots of little knicknacks. Total cost, just over $30.

- Finding a teapot, hopefully at an op shop, before the 22nd (having some people over for tea - and I don't have a teapot!)

Unfortunately I didn't do this. I decided it was silly to buy a teapot just for one occasion - I don't want to rush buying it as I want to get one I like...

- Buying a front door mat.

Done!

- Continue with our compost plans.

Done!

- Revisit the jewellery store for first stage consulting and designing on my engagement ring (try to make DF come as well!)

Done! Picking it up hopefully on or before 14th August.

- Clean out and turn off second fridge (from party - I don't want to get used to having a second fridge again!)

Done! Actually - it tripped out the whole house, so I HAD to clean it out lol. Won't be using that fridge again!!!

- 4 x sessions 40 min+ exercise per week.

Hmmm - didn't really accomplish this. It has been a bit of a lax month in that respect.

- DOwnsizing meal portions, 2/3 then to 1/2 size of current.

Have succeeded in downsizing to about 3/4 lol - I just love food too much!

Income:
DF: $2888.00
Me: $2326.70
Other: $20.00 (surveys)
Total: $5234.70

Expenses:
Mortgage (Min): $1523.08
Mortgage Extra: $607.00
Groceries: $454.56
Petrol: $146.04
Phone & Internet: $77.39
Car Repairs: $120.10
Mobile Phone: $55.76
House Insurance: $69.39
Life Insurance: $53.67
Property Rate (Adjustment): $65.00
Car Payments: $148.00
Pet Supplies: $22.31
House Maintenance/Repairs: $504.14
Appliances/House Gadgets: $52
DF Fun: $349.99
Me Fun: $218.85
Dining Out: $258.74
Entertainment: $92.00
One Off Purchases: $320 (Engagement Ring Deposit)
Bank Fees: $2.00
Gifts: $67.30

TOTAL: $5186.01

$48.69 remaining

Notes:
Under budget in the grocery category, which is good, by about $7 a week. Next month will be interesting, as I will be counting Jeds food into the grocery budget as well.

I transfered $607 into the mortgage today, we've made over $1200 in extra payments so far. Interest hasn't hit yet, (hits tomorrow) but I am enjoying having our loan balance at under $300k, even if it is just for a day!!! Next month it should be *officially* under 300k though.
Spent a bit on house stuff this month, star pickets and fencing, etc.

DF did well this month with his Fun money - only $7.49 extra per week than his alotted amount. Considering he paid for framing for some posters and the rest was probably beer, he did very well.

My fun money total was $5.30 less per week than I was allowed to spend. I am going to leave this amount in the accounts, but in the future I am thinking of transferring it over to my car loan.

Dining out and entertainment were a little high, but we did not over indulge as such - the largest expense was a really nice restaurant which was kind of obligatory to attend that night as it was DF's sisters last 'childless night out'.

One off purchase was the engagement ring deposit - I thought I would be picking it up and paying the $2k this month, but they rang me and it will not be ready until August now. Which is a bummer - but that gives us another 4 weeks to buffer the cost.

I haven't really started on saving this month - more focused on making some extra payments. We still have approx $8k EF and around $700+ in our bills account.

Like Kitty has posted also, it is the end of the financial year for us ol' aussies.

For most, this means waiting for our employers to give us group certificates, getting ready for tax (though most people leave it until October) and maybe taking advantage of the stocktake sales. Some people might have to do an hour or so of counting stock for their work.

Me, however, and anyone else that does any type of work to do with finances, has a lot on their plate during this time.

This week at work I have to:
Calculate employees total yearly earnings, tax etc and send out individual group certificates.
Total the jobs and income for the year, and for the quarter.
Print a quarterly statement from our financial software, and prepare a backup disc for the year to give to the accountant.
Send the total wages information to the tax office.
Send an estimate of next years wages to Work Cover.
Reconcile Junes Bank statements.
Prepare the last quarters business activity statement.
Make an appointment with the accountant.
Total the last quarters superannuation payments and mail.
Prepare everything for the next financial year (starts tomorrow!).

So, in the next two days I have to do all that, plus my normal workload.

But, I am still young and foolish enough to get excited about the EOFY, because tax refunds and bonza sales. I am sure it will wear off in a few years.

My dad once didn't do his taxes for ten years!

In Australia there is a radio station, Triple J, which is not a commercial radio station, but is very well known. Every year they release a cd of the Top 100 songs of the year, which is voted for by the public. In 1989 they released an album, Top 100 Songs Of All Time. (Love will Tear Us Apart being the #1 song at that time).

This year they are doing it again, so DF and I voted. The voting closed last night at midnight.

DF voted for a lot of Ween songs , Beethovens Fur Elise, Queens of the Stone Age and The White Stripes.

I voted for:
Eleanor Rigby (The Beatles) Golden Brown (The Stranglers) All Along The Watchtower (Jimi Hendrix) Times Are A Changing (Bob Dylan) Buckingham Green (Ween) Jailhouse Rock (Elvis) Billy Jean (Michael Jackson) Seven Nation Army (The White Stripes) Fur Elise (Beethoven) and O Fortuna (Carl Orff).

Fingers crossed some of them make it into the top 100!

You also have to pick your # 1 song and explain why, and the winner gets an all expenses paid trip to the Reading Festival. So cool! My # 1 song was by Bob Dylan.


Anyway. This doesnt really have anything to do with finances... unless you count MAYBE having a trip to England? Or that we'll be spending $30 on a CD soon...? lol.

What are your top 10 songs?

Today my older sister called - she lives in the city so I don't get to see her often. She is going to the UK very soon on a holiday. Because our mum was born in Wales we are able to get an ancestral visa, allowing us to work and live in the UK and EU for 4 years, and then we can apply for residency.
All my sister needs for this is a copy of my mums Birth Certificate, signed by a Justice of the Peace. All easy to do, you would think, on my mums part. Something you think a mother would gladly do for her daughter, right?

Wrong.

At first, she said yes. She even copied the documents and everything.

But all of a sudden, she changed her mind (I did not know this - I thought she had sent them). She sent my sister a text message that said, she had thought about it and decided not to do it for my sister, as my sister is not a seasoned traveler (whatever the F that means). She does not believe that my sister 'deserves' this.

I am SO f&!@#ing angry right now. How is that our mothers decision, how is that her right, to say that her daughter doesnt DESERVE to live in the UK for 4 years???

Of course, that is my mother for you. When you need something from her, she is manipulative and controlling. And she makes such a big deal out of what she is doing for you. I just can't believe hwo much of a control-freak she is being.

Long story short, my sister rang me and told me all that, and that she has told our mum that she no longer wants anything to do with her, atleast for a while. My sister told me she, at this moment, feels she would like to not talk to our mother for at least ten years. Some of you know some of my previous stories about my mother, so you can probably understand that I agree with my sister 100%. It's so hard to explain, but I can't put into words how much of a piece of work my mother is.

Oh, and my younger brother and sister, 14 and 15 years old, who live at home still, are not allowed contact with my older sister now. I find it completely ridiculous. My mother raves on and on about 'segregation of family' and how people 'disrespect her', and yet, she is the one that segregates everyone, and can you really blame any of us for disrespecting her???

*SIGH*

My poor sister, she only has bought her ticket to france and is now saving her spending money. She was relying on this working visa, she will only have $4000 in spending money.

ARGHHH.

I saved some money yesterday my using my brain. I NEARLY bought a gift pack from the body shop - saves me wrapping it nicely, but I decided at the last minute to just check out their individual pricing - and I realised I nearly paid $8 for wrapping paper!!! What the hell?

For $32.70 I would have gotten 1 body wash, 1 body lotion, a bar of soap and a wash mit. But for $29.70 I got two bars of soap, a body wash, a body lotion and one of those little fancy facewashers, the ones that are packed in a tiny little cylinder and you have to add water, they're called Magic Flannels. So I saved some money and got something extra.

Today am going to be making some meals for Jed. I found out the other day that my friend T also makes dog food for her dogs. Here I was thinking I was the only weird hippy that believed dogs shouldn't be fed out of cans. Who woulda thought???

For anyone that's wondering, this is what I do:

Ingredients:
(as a general rule - dogs should have 40% meat, 30% vegetables and 30% starch)

800g meat (I use whatever is least fatty on special, ie. rump steak, chuck steak, bbq steaks etc - usually around $13 a kilo)
600g finely chopped vegetables (carrots, beans etc)
600g cooked pasta or rice

I sometimes put 1 clove of garlic in the food, but it must be cooked and must be fresh garlic. Garlic helps repel fleas - but spoiled or raw garlic is bad for dogs.

Usually I cook the rice and saute the vegetables and garlic. Once the vegetables are soft, I add the chopped meat and turn off the heat.

If your dog prefers cooked meat you may want to cook it all the way through, but most dogs I have looked after prefer it on the rare side (but completely uncooked meat gives dogs the runs if you give it to them in large quantities without a lot of fibre).

Once the rice or pasta is cooked, add it to the pot with the vegetables and meat and stir through.

Then I put the mix in small containers (usually two serves in one container - but that is for small dogs).

Don't keep the cooked mix in the fridge, unthawed, for more than three days.

I do feed dogs dry food, we buy an organic one made from lamb and rice enriched with vitamins from a guy at the sunday markets.

I have heard you can use oatmeal too, in place of rice or pasta, but I have never tried this - though my parents sometimes feed their dogs porridge in the morning in winter time - same as everyone else in their house! It's cute to see the whole family eating breakfast together, even the dogs, lol.

I have had one person on here, and many in 'real' life, say that making dog food would be too hard and time consuming, but it really is not. Also, I know what my dog is eating, and that it is not some unidentifiable stodge from a can! I feel much better knowing that.

Yes!

The engagement ring is now IN THE MAKING.

I am able to pick it up on 16/07/09.

Ok, well technically I did not pay the full amount, I paid a deposit of $320, and will pay the rest when I pick it up. Or DF will pay it when he picks it up.

So then we will be able to start telling people, properly. I didn't feel the need to rush really, we will not get married for a good few years yet anyway. I don't mind being 'engaged' for a long period either, it gives you more time to appreciate the work that went into the engagement ring, and to enjoy being engaged as a separate thing from marriage, not distracted from stressful wedding organisation either, instead of just looking at it as a stepping stone to a wedding/wedding band.

So finally, eh!? It has been a few months since DF proposed, in January. About time!

I have always tried to get the best deals for everyday things. A lot of the time getting a good deal means locking into some type of contract. I've never had a problem with this, but at the same time, you have to weigh up whether a better deal will come up halfway through your 'lock in' phase. And then, you must be prepared to pounce once your lock in period expires, to avoid falling into the lazy trap and paying a higher price for an old product.

Over a year ago I locked into a 24 month contract for our internet. At the time, there were 3 of us sharing the cost, so we had a reasonable amount of downloads to go with that. (It was $75 a month for line rental and 5gb of downloads).
The plan expires around January 2010, so while I've still got a while to wait, it's a good opportunity for me to see whats out there. Also, I have to take into consideration that being just myself and DF, we only use about 1-2gb of downloads a month now. After only a little searching, I was able to find a plan for 3gb downloads for $68 a month, including line rental. I could probably go a step further and get the best separate deals on line rental and internet; but usually there's a bundle discount, which would probably cancel out any savings.

We don't 'do' cable television, and probably never will. I just don't see the point, I'm sorry. (And here we only have 7-10 channels, depending on whether you have HD or not - and we don't). So that's a monthly expense saved.

Gas - well, we are probably a while away from getting a refill for those. We have two massive bottles that the previous tenants filled before vacating, and in the near-four months we've been living here, we haven't even used one whole one yet. I have considered when the time comes, ringing different gas companies and seeing what type of deal they can give us if we signed some type of contract with them. My boss told me that his wife signed up with one and they gave them 2 free bottles (they cost $100 each, so that's a good saving!).

Electricity - It's probably the one thing I would be hesitant signing a contract for. Electricity prices are getting higher by the second, and there are so many clauses in their sneaky contracts, so much fine writing to read, and the fact that energy has been privatised recently has lead to a lot of disgruntled people I've spoken to who've been dealing with the new 'energy' salesmen. So, I might leave that one for now, and simply try to save money the old fashioned way: turninng things off at the switch, switching off the lights, making sure we ONLY switch the second fridge on for parties etc.

Bank Fees - something some people don't consider when cutting costs. We are fortunate to be 'good' with our credit cards, and pay off the balance each month. Also, we only have one fee for our banking, which comes yearly. It's hefty, at $395, but with a bit of planning I am hoping to offset it against our credit card rewards and interest earnings/savings. Also, if either of us incur a withdrawl fee for using another banks ATM, there's hell to pay! We keep on each others backs about that.

Heating/Cooling Costs - We don't have any! So that's a plus. However, DF hopes to get an airconditioner next summer. So we have about 6 months to find a good deal, and 6 months to prepare ourselves for the astronomical electricity bill. And 6 months to decide what constitutes an appropriate temperature to turn it on in the first place (to lower the before mentioned electricity bill).

Entertainment - It's one of the few things you can find coupons for in Australia. That, and car tinting! So we always try to use a coupon when bowling, to save ourselves a couple of bucks per game. We are members of a movie club, and try to see movies either on cheap Tuesdays ($9.50 tickets) or the movie of the week ($8.50 tickets). Now and again we will pay full price for a movie, but not very often at all. At $15.20 a pop, we'd be broke in seconds if we paid full price every time we went to the movies!

Groceries - I have to admit I am not as savvy a shopper as some of you are here. We also don't have such a large scale coupon culture here either. But I do try to take advantage of good deals, and shop around. Another confession I have is: I don't mean to, and certainly don't want to come off as a snob, but I turn up my nose at a lot of the junk that DOES sell for incredibly cheap prices at the supermarkets. I just can't fathom paying money, however small the amount is, for something like premade mac and cheese (just an example) and putting it into my body for fuel. I just can't do it. So while I realise those are two big money losses on my account, I do try to make up atleast a small amount of savings by buying extra of an item I normally buy when it is on sale. DF is also getting in on this. He found the coffee we normally buy, an organic rainforest brand that sells normally for $9 for 250g, on special for $5 a pack, so he bought three packs. I found Extra Virgin Olive Oil, normally $9.99 for 1L, on special for $2.99 and bought three bottles.
So we do cut costs sometimes with grocery shopping.


What are some ways that you cut costs on every day items?

This is a loose meal plan for the week, starting from tonight. I say 'loose' meal plan, because sometimes, as a lot of you probably experience as well, you just don't feel like eating/cooking what you planned to.

Wednesday: Beef Ragou Pie for DF/ Miso soup for me

Thursday: Feta and Oven Roasted tomato tart.

Friday: Pumpkin stuffed ravioli with a tomato sauce.

Saturday: BBQ at a friends house

Sunday: Rice Pilaf (with lamb for DF)

Monday: Bolognaise for DF/ Vege Pasta for me

Tuesday: Slow Cooker Meal for DF/Mexican Tomato Beans for me with rice.



I found out something the other day: DF doesn't like seafood. He likes fish and bug tails, but nothing else! Seafood is the only meat I will occasionally eat (like, once a month or less), and DF grew up with his dad being very into fishing and seafood. I love prawns and crab meat, and we were watching master chef the other day and I mentioned I might make some kind of grilled prawn dish and DF was like 'YUCK!'. So then I found a recipe in a book for a crab linguine that looked delicious, and he said the same thing. It came as quite a shock to me, I've known him for 9 years!

Anyway. I guess you learn something new every day eh?

I am addicted to Bejewelled Blitz on Facebook. It's getting out of hand - I use it as a treat to myself when I finish a work goal lol. ('reconcile the credit card statement - and then one game' or 'pay the wages - one game') Ah!

Anyway!

I've just turned the Lamb Ragou onto the 'warm' setting on the slow cooker. I took Jed for a walk (he was quite good! excited to go for a walk, but good!). He probably wanted to go for longer (took about 20-25 minutes) but my lazy self, having had no exercise for a couple of weeks, decided that was a big enough walk for today.

It's meant to be winter but I would guess it's about 20 degrees C outside right now. Yesterday it rained all day. Damn Queensland weather! Never know what to expect.

DF's dad and my mum came over to see Jed. They believe he isn't 100% Jack Russell - he may have some kelpie in him. (?) I don't care, I love him anyways! DF's dad is still fine with him siring his Jack Russell though. How exciting! Little puppies!!!

They bought him a bone that they got the butcher to cut in half lengthways. It's nearly the size of HIM! I will have to post a photo of it with him next time.

Tomorrow I am going grocery shopping with a friend for the week (I know it's weird). So in a few minutes I am going to pour myself a cup of tea and go over my recipe magazines. I wish I could get my recipe BOOKS unpacked, but in our haste to clean up for the housewarming party, we stacked them against the basement wall, then stacked half our worldy possessions against those to get everything out the way. *Sigh* so I will have to wait a while for those. I have so many beautiful recipe books and I just want to flick through them all...

I spent $5 on breakfast this morning, I bought a spinach & fetta roll and a strawberry crumble scone. Oh so good!!! I have been good with my personal spending, but our dining out total for the month is disastrous! It's so easy to go 'lets get dinner as a treat for ourselves'.
In our defence, a large amount is due to the dinner out at the fancy restaurant with DF's mum, sister and her partner. Their last non-child dinner out for a while, I presume. And what a dinner! Oh, it was so delicious, worth the money, every last cent. ($30 mains, $15 desserts - and reasonably cheap cocktails at only $10). I had a sweet potato gnocchi with mushroom & spinach sauce, DF had lamb with pea puree and roasted pumpkin with a tomato jus. The desserts we shared, crusty canoli with lemon zested cream and berry compote, and a tiramisu with honey fairy floss on top. Makes me want to drive all the way there again tonight for dinner!

Next week I am going to focus on clearing out our freezer. It is in simple terms... a mess. It's chock full of frozen leftovers, bread, ice, scones, meat, tofu etc. For some reason we also have a zillion ice bricks in there.

And I need to make space for Jeds food. (we do not feed dogs 'dog' food from a can or sausage - we feed them a small portion of chopped meat, some veges and rice mixed together, and dry food. The vets are always amazed that we do that, apparently it's rare to make your own dog food??? I have grown up that way, with all pets we have had. And it's so much cheaper too - don't understand why more people don't do it!). It is funny though - the previous carers told us he is fussy with food, so I only made a small portion for him at first. The first meal I gave him, he ate it all, in about 30 seconds!

Anyway, enough dog talk, I am sure you're all sick of it by now.

So, I am thinking I will make the appointment to go and see the jeweller on thursday or friday this week. I bought a jewellery magazine a few weeks ago, and I have marked all the pages that I like different designs. When I went, the lady really did not get what I wanted. She was ever so helpful, but I don't think she realised exactly how simple I want the ring. I said 'a plain band' and she showed me an array of, yes plainER than the previous lot, but not actually PLAIN. Lol. Who knew you could be called fussy for being unfussy?

Got home from work today and Jed was still in the yard! I stressed out all day thinking he would dig himself out and run away, but he didnt.

My boss, his wife and two kids, an older woman colleague and my friend/colleague came over for tea and coffee this afternoon, and so that my boss's wife and my other work colleague could see the house. (My boss has already seen it, and so had my friend/work colleague - but she was just there for moral support lol)

Spent 50c on a can of coke today at work. Another work colleague *may* have swine flu, but i think it's a long shot - i think she just wants some days off, and some attention (she's THAT type of person).

I have been so busy (doing what, I don't know) that I haven't even noticed I have been doing once-a-week grocery shopping. Usually I have had to run into the store atleast twice during the week to get something I need, but lately, not!

Last night I had a grand plan to make Baked Romani Gnocchi - but it all fell through after everyone left at 5pm and I couldn't find the recipe, so we had toasted sandwhiches for dinner instead, hehe. The bread was fresh baked today, does that count? (Never mind the baked beans I had, or the tinned spaghetti DF had). It's our one plunge into bad food that we have, along with takeaway pizza every couple of weeks. Normally I make everything from scratch out of fresh ingredients - but my guilty pleasure is toasted sandwhiches and baked beans. Combine the two and whala! Terrible eating habits! LOL. DF prefers the spaghetti in the can. We probably use half a can each in a night and then he uses the rest for his breakfasts.

Tonight I am making a Lamb Ragout for DF in the slow cooker. I might make some mexcian beans and have that with rice tonight instead.

I have to buy a small birthday gift for a friends 28th birthday. She is the wife of a guy, B, who worked with DF's friend, R. B got sacked at the start of all the GEC nonsense, but found a job he is much happier with. DF's friends are all a very tightly knit group who have been friends with each other since primary school and high school, but somehow B managed to wrestle his way in this past year and is well liked by everyone, along with his wife M. They are just very friendly and easy to get along with people. (They were the ones that bought us that lovely bottle of wine for our housewarming - I don't even drink red wine and I drank it, it was that nice!)

So you can see my dilemma, I don't know them very well, but seeing as they bought us a gift for our housewarming I feel obliged to get atleast a small present for M's birthday. Our problem is that we haven't spent enough time with her to know what she likes. DF wanted to screenprint something for her - but the problem there is that unless you know a girl fairly well, you can't get a shirt for her (the issue with sizing - what if you get it too big? you'll hurt her feelings. what if you get it too small? you'll also hurt her feelings and she won't ever wear it!). Then we thought about a blank bag that we could screenprint something on, but there's the problem of not knowing her very well - so what if we printed something she didn't like?

So I suggested some body stuff. Girly things like lotion, scrubs, foot soakers etc always go down well don't they? I could get a gift pack from the Body Shop, and it probably wouldn't be any more than $30 and still seem slightly fancy...?

Anyway, I am sure we will figure it out.

DF is going to make a kennel for Jed. We were joking that we could make it weatherboard to match our house, hehe. That would be so cute!

DF bought him some toys yesterday. He seems to favour a bone made out of rawhide (?). He's been chewing on it a lot and it's hardly made a dent, so I am thinking that's a very good buy!

One thing happened yesterday: we were on the balcony and Jed was below it (could see him through the cracks in the deck). DF looked down and goes 'What the HELL!' and said he saw Jed ON the downstairs table. I said it was probably just his eyes, but we went downstairs and there were paw prints on it! Now, not only is it bad for him to be jumping on a table, that is not our main worry (a few taps on the nose and he will realise he is not allowed to do that). No, our main concern is that the table height is the same as the fence DF put up!!! Which basically means at any time if he wanted to, Jed could jump the fence and stroll away. So here we were being worried that he would DIG himself out, and he can just jump it!!! It's not a surprise that a dog can jump, of course, but he is a fairly bulky boy - he does not seem like he could jump very high. The pictures show him to be normal sized, but I think his previous carers had over fed him a lot.

Which leads me to thinking, why hasn't he run off yet? He was alone all day yesterday but didn't leave. So he must like it here. I am thankful he is obedient in that sense, that he stays with you, even when DF was building the fence. I guess it means he has adopted us as his owners now, as we have adopted him as our pet.

Finally getting some pictures up!





DF has spent the whole day setting up a fence so that Jed doesn't run away when we are at work tomorrow. As I said in my last entry, I will be working at home on Tuesday and Wednesday so I can spend time with him and let him get used to his new surroundings. I have been trying to clean up the house for some guests that are visiting for a cup of tea tomorrow afternoon, and trying to reassure Jed that he isn't alone (he has been crying and whining a lot today - poor thing has been by himself mostly for the past few weeks).
He has some annoying dog behaviours - peeing on everything, jumping up at you, licking your face and CHEWING! So we're going to train those out of him pretty quick smart. He responds to the 'satan voice' which is good (how do we know? well, Jed peed on one of DF's cars - you can imagine the reaction!). He also comes when called, which is good, and does not run off. We have let him roam around while DF's been working downstairs, and he stays in our yard. Good boy!

So, I hope you like the pictures! He's a gorgeous little boofer!

We pick up Jed (our jack russell pup) tomorrow, Sunday. He comes with papers and everything, I am so excited! DF is going to build a temporary fence tomorrow, and Monday will be the first day Jed is by himself all day at his new home. Tuesday and Wednesday I will stay home and work from home to keep him company.

We're getting a dog!
Next week!

His name is Jed, and he is a 2 year old Jack Russell.

I don't have any pictures yet, but he is an adorable little boy.

His owner was an older man who had to move to Darwin unexpectantly, and his kids were looking after Jed while the older man's unit got sold. It has been sold and the contract date for handover is the end of next week. If they couldn't find a home for him, they were going to give him to the pound.
Poor little guy, he has gone from being with someone all day every day and going for two or three walks a day, to only seeing someone when they turn up to feed him and throw a ball for him for 10 minutes. When they opened the gate to let him out, he was so excited to see so many people there to play with him.

I noticed a few things I am thrilled about too: he didn't bark at passing dogs, nor did he chase after them. They said he has never been a 'digger' (notorious for the Jack Russell breed), and he did not run away or stray from the group of us talking on the lawn either.

I am so excited! DF is excited, but hesitant at the same time. He is hesitant because Jack Russells have a lot of energy and need walks every day (fine with me!). He is also worried about Jed being alone the three days I work at the bakery. I think he will be alright, I will be home at 2pm anyway. The other two days I can take him with me to work, so he can play with DF's dad's dog (also a jack russell) and my mums dog (a maltese - but she doesn't really 'play'). On the weekends he will be with us constantly.

I am soooooooooooo excited.

Did I mention, I was excited???

Argh. Bad day at work.
It must be the current economical troubles coupled with bitchiness at work with the retail ladies (two in particular) but I can't shake this feeling that my job is no longer safe. It sucks, especially when only weeks ago I was as confident as could be.

So, I know this is about to come out sounding paranoid, and I really don't mean it to sound like that, but I feel as if J & V (two older ladies at work) are out to get me. Not in any psychotic way or anything, but I can just FEEL them bitching about me. I don't understand WHY, and I really don't understand their reasons either. I don't understand why they have to make a big deal over something so small. Do they have nothing else in their lives that is more important to worry about? It just annoys me, because I am the type of person that, if I have a problem with someone at work, will go and TELL them. I'm not going to whinge and complain to everyone else about it, and hope they eventually get the point. And I'm not going to clean up after someone or do their work for them because I'm scared of telling them they're doing something wrong either. ARGH.

Now would you like to know the back story on this? I really don't even want to tell it, because it is INSANELY stupid to begin with. It's just eating at me. I just can't believe how unnecesary all of it is.

So. I can do the retail staff's job, as well as most tasks in the kitchen. I cover the shop front from time to time when someone has a day off. J has a few days off, one of them this mornings shift.

V comes in at 11.45am, the start of her shift. She looks around and sniffs 'oh, you've sliced all the bread. It goes all soft when you do that.' (as opposed to leaving it unsliced and unbagged on the racks). I say 'um well, I usually do that.' (I do - I find it so boring out the front so I slice all of the bread. You have to do it throughout the day anyway, why can't I do it all in one go?).

Thinking that's the end of it, I go to finish my shift in the kitchen. I mention it to S, the apprentice. She says "Yeah, V said that to me. She said 'Oh she sliced all the bread, it's all soft.' like it was a bad thing or something. like, that's how it is in the supermarket. wouldn't you want soft bread rather than hard dry stale bread?".

I went out the front and said to V "Look, I sliced the bread for you thinking I was helping. Obviously it wasn't a help, so I won't do it again. I just want to ask that if there's anything I'm not doing, or anything I'm doing wrong, please tell me rather than talking about it to other people." V tries to pull a stunned expression and says "Oh, it just goes soft, like I told you. If that's what you do then that's fine you can do it your way." I said to her "Look, I won't do it again. It's all fine."

Later S says to me "V asked me if I told you that she said the bread was soft."

*sigh*

Well, that was TODAYS story. There's another recent one, which is basically the same but involved me writing in the order book a cake was paid, but not writing it on the sheet that was attached to the cake box (I didn't know where the cake box was at the time). J decided to go on and on about it at work, and I wasn't there, and then wrote a long lovely note in the order book for me.


See now, I know it's not something that should be getting me that upset. But it is just so frustrating and annoying. Why the HELL do these silly old ladies bicker to one another, why don't they just talk to the person it INVOLVES. I just don't understand. ARGH.

Apparently they also have a problem with me working two Tuesdays (the day I normally work at my other job) because the other baker is away. They seem to think that I am getting special treatment because I didn't lose any hours over the public holidays last week. They don't seem to get that they CAN'T do MY job. Why should they get extra hours when they can't do what I can???

ALSO they asked S why *I* was the one covering the absent shifts when all of our hours get reduced, and not S. Why does it matter? Why is it any of their business?


It just makes me feel all sicky inside. I don't like the feeling. I just feel not liked and not wanted.

I could be a grown up and brush it off. Or I could behave like a little kid, sulk and say 'THEY SUCK'.

Is it bad that the little kid approach FEELS better?

Some of you know that one of my closest friends is also one of my work colleagues. I've known her for just over two years now, but I probably know her much better than some of her primary school friends.

We had only worked together for a few months when she decided to tell me (after some, in retrospect, strangely coincidental conversations and comments) that she has a very severe case of OCD and anxiety.

I was the second person she had told about it, wilfully. The first person she told was her best friend, who then proceeded to expose her to the very things she feared, and then forced her to talk to a doctor. This resulted in my friend, T, trying to commit suicide, being commited, and then placed under the very watchful (and intruding) eye of state health, while having to attend weekly sessions with a psychologist with the threat of being institutionalised if she didn't attend.

I don't know how T expected me to respond to her confession, but I doubt it was what she recieved. Having already known a lot about OCD (I don't wish to discuss why at this point) I was slightly fascinated with her predicament, but it didn't bother me in the slightest (why should it?). The only things I ever interfered with were things that she did that hurt herself, otherwise, it wasn't my place to change her. I let her talk when she wanted to talk and probably made her talk when she didn't want to, too, but she has said that I am the only person she doesn't feel weird talking to about it.

So anyway, fast forward a year, and she is having money and car problems. Our boss's wife, being a bank manager, decides she's going to help T with her finances, and goes through her bank statements with her. She questions her on some recurring transactions which T eventually tells her are for medication and psychologist appointments, and then makes her promise to not tell her husband (T's boss). She promises, and that seems to be the end of it.

Last week, another co worker seems to go a little a-wol, and finally tells our boss that she has been on anti-anxiety medication for many years, and that she has just changed to some new ones, and they seem to be affecting her moods.

On a night shift, when it is just T and our boss, he suddenly starts talking about the other co worker, and about medication and disorders etc. (you have to understand here that our work and boss is not like a normal work situation - he is not the normal boss-type and so everyone knows everyone else's business at work - it is a friendly situation to begin with).

T thinks this is all just a little too close to home so decides to divert the conversation to safer ground, but our boss will have none of it, eventually saying that he has guessed T is on some type of medication, and that he believes she has anxiety and some other thing, 'it can't be schizophrenia so I'm guessing it's some type of OCD'.

T tries to find out how he knew, he says he just picked up things here and there.
(I think personally that his wife told him but told him not to tell T that she told him - so he tried to figure out a way to tell T he knew without incriminating his wife).

So, my problem is, that I KNOW that he knows that I know - even though T says that she didn't tell him I know. And this makes for an awkward situation at work.

*sigh*