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Home > i am SO angry

i am SO angry

June 28th, 2009 at 09:11 am

Today my older sister called - she lives in the city so I don't get to see her often. She is going to the UK very soon on a holiday. Because our mum was born in Wales we are able to get an ancestral visa, allowing us to work and live in the UK and EU for 4 years, and then we can apply for residency.
All my sister needs for this is a copy of my mums Birth Certificate, signed by a Justice of the Peace. All easy to do, you would think, on my mums part. Something you think a mother would gladly do for her daughter, right?


At first, she said yes. She even copied the documents and everything.

But all of a sudden, she changed her mind (I did not know this - I thought she had sent them). She sent my sister a text message that said, she had thought about it and decided not to do it for my sister, as my sister is not a seasoned traveler (whatever the F that means). She does not believe that my sister 'deserves' this.

I am SO f&!@#ing angry right now. How is that our mothers decision, how is that her right, to say that her daughter doesnt DESERVE to live in the UK for 4 years???

Of course, that is my mother for you. When you need something from her, she is manipulative and controlling. And she makes such a big deal out of what she is doing for you. I just can't believe hwo much of a control-freak she is being.

Long story short, my sister rang me and told me all that, and that she has told our mum that she no longer wants anything to do with her, atleast for a while. My sister told me she, at this moment, feels she would like to not talk to our mother for at least ten years. Some of you know some of my previous stories about my mother, so you can probably understand that I agree with my sister 100%. It's so hard to explain, but I can't put into words how much of a piece of work my mother is.

Oh, and my younger brother and sister, 14 and 15 years old, who live at home still, are not allowed contact with my older sister now. I find it completely ridiculous. My mother raves on and on about 'segregation of family' and how people 'disrespect her', and yet, she is the one that segregates everyone, and can you really blame any of us for disrespecting her???


My poor sister, she only has bought her ticket to france and is now saving her spending money. She was relying on this working visa, she will only have $4000 in spending money. Frown


13 Responses to “i am SO angry”

  1. Ms. Pearl Says:

    I can see why you are upset. I would be angry too. Could it be your mom is afraid to see her go? Is she scared for her? I hope it all works out.

  2. whitestripe Says:

    it would seem that way, however my mum does not often talk to my older sister, and my older sister did not grow up with our mum, she grew up with her dad and stepmum. so they are not especially close to begin with.

  3. fern Says:

    It does sound very controlling, and i don't think your mother has a right to make that decision for her.

  4. whitestripe Says:

    oh and i forgot to add: my sister is 27 years old.

  5. Ms. Pearl Says:

    Wow, your sister is 27. I think you all need to confront your mom together.

  6. gamecock43 Says:

    oh I do symathize. Parents can be so difficult. Its hard because you cannot choose them you are very much stuck with them. Your mother is delusional from what I remember in other posts- so this is just another piece to add to the pile of grievances. All I can think is can you get into the house and get those photocopies your mother already made?

  7. toyguy1963 Says:

    I may be mistaken and it may be different for you but I believe that Birth certificates are Public Domain and anyone can get it. Please look into it. The hard part in your case would be dealing with a courthouse in Wales. But it should be obtainable.

  8. debtfreeme Says:

    Why can't your sister get a certified copy of the birth certificate and get the visa herself? I know it is in Wales but since she can proove whe is your mothers daughter viz her own BC then she should be able to get it without your mothers approval. If she is in France she should pop over to the UK and go to wales and get it herself.

    She can do it on her own.

  9. debtfreeme Says:

    Someday I want to be a foreign service officer for the US so I did some research on the visa things from the UK angle.


  10. Broken Arrow Says:

    Weird! I can't imagine what I'd do if I had a mother like that. Wouldn't last that's for sure.

    But yes, a 27 year old should be allowed to choose where their destiny lies. If even a parent will not support this (and this is quite unfortunate indeed), then it's time to move on without them.... Yeah, I know that things are not always as easy as I am typing this but....

  11. whitestripe Says:

    thanks for all the replies guys.
    i can't sneak in and get her birth certificate copies because it needs to be signed by a JP - and she needs to be present for that.

    she has to get the visa before she goes over there, so she can't do it while she's there.

    it might be difficult for her to get a copy of our mothers certificate from the registrars office because its under suppresion (long story - ex husband).


  12. Nika Says:

    I would not just give up - your sister's future can be altered by this.
    Can you consult with the British consul in Australia as to what can be done in this situation? Because your sister has that right irrespectively of her mother's attitude and there must be some other way to get the documentation to prove it.

    In the meantime, if you could put joint pressure on her with whatever leverage you have... Being mean in this situation is totally acceptible.

  13. whitestripe Says:

    lol nika: i have SO much leverage. *sigh* it gets to a point where it is sad. but also, because my mother has been through domestic violence situations, she's overbearingly aggresive now whenever she's in an argument and sometimes i think she cant help it, it's just a defence response. i understand why my sister no longer wants to talk to her. i dread going to work every week with her.
    she's a lovely person SOMETIMES. but sometimes isn't enough. ech.

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