whitestripe

I have been thinking lately, how everyone seems to have a 'vice' (a bad habit). Well, typically people have MANY vices, but I am focusing on the financial side of it (of course).

What is the number one thing that weakens you when it comes to spending money?

For me, it would probably be between clothes, magazines and coffees with friends. The magazines, I know I could live without easily, as I have done it before. Clothes, I can also do without buying for very long stretches (as I have so many ).
But coffees with friends...? What's $3 here and there?

Considering sometimes my 'FUN' money is spent entirely on coffees, cakes, sharing a plate of dips, and lunches... I can safely tell you that this vice of mine adds up!

But is it as bad as other vices that people have?
Gambling? Drugs? Drinking? Sure, I do all those too, but it is never a priority of mine, and it's not something I think of every day. Or even every week.

DF's number 1 would have to be alcohol. It *IS* a priority of his. It is something he makes room for out of his fun money. And I guess, in a way, it can be compared with my coffees with friends. I relax with my friends - he relaxes with his beer (with friends or without).

Another question I have is: what's your personal opinion on 'vices'? should they be worked at? should they be stopped? or should we stop looking at these things as 'vices' and start looking at them as a part of life? why do we put guilt on ourselves over enjoying things like this? if they don't hurt other people or affect other people's wellbeing, is there a problem? but then where do the lines blur? when does it become too much? should we be identifying who has restraint and who doesn't?

Well, today is Mothers Day. I called my mum this morning to wish her a happy day. I am having coffee with a friend who lives close to me, who's mother passed away from breast cancer two years ago. Her partner is working away for 12 weeks, so she is all alone. I think I will take her a bunch of flowers.

We had a friend stay the night last night, and the risotto I made last night was delicious and cheap, compared with dining out, which is what we usually do when someone comes over.

This is my everyday pic of the week:



A photo taken a while ago at a restaurant. It is one of my favourite dishes (a miso soup with udon noodles, vegetables and lightly fried tofu).

I am going to attempt to make a similar dish tonight, but with soba noodles.

I was beginning to think it might not happen, what with unexpected cold snaps the past couple of days.

And even though technically I shoudn't be seeing sprouts for a couple more days - I couldn't help checking them every day.

I spotted five teeny-weeny lettuce sprouts today! YAY!

I can't spot any rosemary or mint at the moment, but keep your fingers crossed for me!

So, because my plan to record the dinners we eat every day died in the arse, my new plan (thanks to cassandra for this idea - though i know it's been done before - but she just reminded me ) is to post a menu plan each week. (My week starts on Saturday because that is the day I go to the market).

So this weeks menu is:

Saturday: Asparagus, Pumpkin, Onion & Pinenut Risotto.

Sunday: Miso Soba Noodle Soup with vegetables. (carrot, bok choi, zucchini & brocolli)

Monday: Rice Pilaf (peas, sultanas, capsicum & brocolli with lamb for DF)

Tuesday: Slow Cooked Tikka Masala Curry (sweet potato, potato, onion, tomato & pumpkin) with rice.

Wednesday: Pumpkin Soup with crispy garlic tortillas

Thursday: Chilli Garlic Soy Stirfry with noodles.

Friday: Either Dining Out or Homemade Pizza.

do you ever have times when you realise something, too late, and then you get that unmistakeable feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach? and it won't move?

well I currently have that.

The past few days I have sent out batches of invitations to our housewarming party, which is on May 30th.

Yesterday I was talking to my friend T, about a friend of hers, A, who I don't particularly like, but had made up an invitation for anyway. I had given T the invitations to give to a few people, and she had A's. T told me I was silly to invite A if I didn't want to, but I didn't want to be rude. In the end, T returned it to me and I decided not to invite A.

While I was talking to T on the phone, DF mouthed at me if I had invited friends of ours, J & M. I had completely forgotten about them, so I quickly made up an invitation and posted it this morning.

I asked DF to call a few people that aren't on facebook to get their addresses. He called them today. While talking to one of his friends, C, he found out that J & M had broken up! Four weeks ago!

I feel terrible. We don't see them a lot, and they have been together for a few years. DF went to school with J.

Four WEEKS ago!

Anyway. There is nothing I can do about the invitation now, but I can just imagine that it would be such a blow to M, as it is her house it will be going to.

Maybe it was some kind of spooky sign that I forgot them at the start? I just can't believe I sent it this morning to them, and found out this afternoon about the break up!

ARRGH!

So DF is going to call J tomorrow and explain.

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While on the topic of the housewarming party, these are my planned nibblies to supply:

- 20x mini cupcakes
- 20x mini quiches
- 20x mini sausage rolls
- 20x mini spinach & feta rolls
- assorted sandwich triangles (filling ideas anyone???)
- assorted mini barbecued kebab sticks (i was thinking: haloumi or beef cubes with capsicum, asparagus and/or mushroom)
- Assorted Dips, Chips & Bread Sticks

Any other ideas, anyone? Help me!
I have sent out 20 invitations (most to couples), and we are asking another 10 or so people by phone, so I expect approximately 30-40 people.

They will be bringing their own drinks, and I have clearly stated that fingerfood will be provided (not meals!) though I would like enough food so that people don't go hungry, also as there will be a few kids and pregnant women there too.

So any advice, ideas and recipes would be great!

BTW, I am making the cupcakes, quiches, sausage/spinach rolls at work so I will get them for a cheap price.

Thanks in advance!

Yesterday I went shoppping with a friend. I bought a thick, red coat ($60) two thin cardigans ($42), two pairs of shoes ($25), a CD for DF $30) and that dress I mentioned ($24.95).

I am astounded by the price of things. I avoid going shopping because I don't want to spend money - so here and there I will pick up a T-shirt for $7.50 or a skirt for $10 because they have been drastically reduced in price.

But there are not many sales on now, so I had to find the best deal on fully marked clothing.

And I had already accepted that I was not planning on buying good quality clothing either. I wanted a few trendy things to go with my other clothes during winter, so I visited all the chain stores.

Holy Cow!

While I eventually found prices I was comfortable with (except the coat) I just could not believe some of the prices. I think I have not been 'shopping' for so long that I have not realised how much the prices have risen.

I do not mind paying a bit for good quality items - but these are not good quality items!

A cardigan, for $80? (I found two for $42)

Flats (synthetic materials) for $30 a pair? (I found two pairs for $25)

Chain-store, badly fitting, pants for $60?

What on EARTH?

The last I remembered, cardigans were around $30-$40 full price, flats around $15, pants around $25....at chain stores.

*sigh*

When I questioned my friend (whom I was shopping with) she didn't display any surprise at the costs. I guess it must just be me.

The reserve bank met today, but everyone has been saying that the rates will not drop again this time. I think our time to fix the rate for free has run out - but I am going to hold off until they drop them another percent (it will be down to 4.21% for us then) or until I hear that they might raise them, and then we will be fixing! At the moment I am happy to leave it all at variable. We are thinking of fixing a portion of it, probably half at this stage.

This morning I had a wardrobe melt down. I could not seem to find anything I wanted to wear (which is stupid, because I have so many clothes). I have decided it would be a good idea to invest in:
- a knit cardigan in a colour other than black (i have three in black)
- a pair of business-type pants in a colour other than black (I was thinking a navy colour?)
- some more flat shoes (maybe 2x pairs)
- and maybe another pair of jeans, seeing as I only have one pair I wear all the time.

I did have a bit of a look around while in town today. I found a dress (yes I know I am not meant to be looking at dresses! shhh!) for $24.95 that I really like. It's a nice casual dress.

Anyway. So I am meeting a friend in town this afternoon, and I think I might go in a bit earlier and have another look around... I will call DF first and see if he minds me buying a few items out of my remaining stimulus money (I have around $600 left).

Woo! Very-Tightly-Self-Controlled Shopping Spree, here I come!

Yesterday I was in the supermarket grabbing a few things before the big grocery shop today (I like to go with a friend... weird, I know). Anyway, so I was in the aisle that had a lot of canned items, and the opposite side had Eastern and Asian food. While I was deciding what brand of chickpeas to buy to make some hommus, I overheard a conversation that made me both laugh and a little sad at the same time:

18-20 YO Girl: What? What! I'm not eating it if it's been out for that long!
18-20 YO Boy: I took it out of the freezer the day before yesterday and put it in the fridge!
Girl: That's frigging disgusting!
Boy: It's *still frozen*
Girl: How can it be still frozen?!
Boy: It hasn't defrosted yet, duh.
Girl: Well that's even more gross. I'm not eating it.
Boy: It's still frozen you idiot. It's fine. There's nothing wrong with it.
Girl: I'm NOT eating it if it's been out of the freezer for three days.
Boy: Well, whatever, I'll eat it. You can cook your own meal.
Girl: Fine we'll *EAT* it then.
The girl storms off, the boy puts taco shells in his basket and follows.



Can I just say, HAHAHA.

It was the funniest thing I've witnessed in a supermarket in a long time.

Everyone draws their inspiration from something, whether it be from travelling, other cultures, books, certain people, movies, stories etc.

I draw a lot of inspiration from my father. Not because he is extraordinary - well, of course he is, he's my dad! - but in the sense that the life he has created with my stepmum and step sister is so normal and calm. Whenever I visit them, which is usually once a year, or once every two years, I immerse myself in their day to day life. It is so far from what I have grown up with, around my mother, and so far from an average persons day-to-day, rushed, stressful, daily grind kind of life as well.

When I think about how I want my life to turn out, there are a number of things I can associate with that my dad and his family practise. When I visit, I just feel wholesome and relaxed. It is hard to explain why or what it is that makes me feel this way - but I would have to say the number one thing is that they take things slowly.
They enjoy their time. I don't see them rush through anything. They do not just do something to get through it, so that they can do something else. They are never focused on achieving a hundred things a day.
And I don't mean to say that they have a lot of time to spare, either.
My dad commutes four to five hours a day. He leaves their house, in the country, on the train, at 6.05am. He works in the city, Monday to Friday. He gets home at 8.10pm, in time to read my step sister a story, tuck her in and give her a kiss goodnight.

My stepmum works from home. She is able to organise her day so that she can drive my stepsister to the after school activities that are planned. My stepmum cooks dinner during the week. On the weekend, she sometimes works as well.

There is not a hint of fast food consumption in their house. They enjoy good wine but only on special occasions. The thing that I love most I think, is their moderation. It is a far cry from my life with my mother, where everything is excessive - as most of you have read about. And while I can't blame my mum, I know that I don't want to follow in her footsteps in that department.

My dad spends the weekends with my stepsister. He gardens, does handyman stuff, goes grocery shopping and visits friends for a cup of coffee. He spends a few hours each week cooking different batches of curries and bakes and bean mixes from scratch, so that he can freeze them for easy dinners when his wife doesn't get time to cook.

They have an amazing kitchen. It is not technologically advanced, not typically modern in any way. But they have such a large and varied list of ingredients, a lot of it is influenced by Eastern, Chinese and Japanese traditional foods. They both love to cook, and from scratch.

So while they have a lot on their plate, they still maintain an aura of calm that I can't seem to figure out. I have come to think that maybe this is just because they are happy.

And that is where I get my inspiration from. Every single time I visit my dad, I come back bursting with ideas on how I want to shape my life better. I don't want to change it, I don't want to re-shape it, I just want to mold it a little bit more. Simple things, I want to change. Things that, when I see, I go, hey that's cool. Things that are so small, but that in my life here, I seem so rushed that I have not considered it.

I guess maybe my fathers side of the family is more of a tightly knit unit. There are not a lot of outside influences, and this probably makes them closer. They enjoy their time, and they enjoy their time with each other.

Like I said, a lot of the things they do that make that tiny bit of difference to their day to day lives, are small things. They are small, but added together, they make a lifestyle, and it's a lifestyle that I admire, because of its simplicity.

Like brewing tea in a tea-pot, with loose, good quality tea leaves instead of an old stale tea bag.
Taking the time to prepare the tea, and letting it brew. It's a methodical and relaxing process.
Like having one or two cups of delicious espresso, instead of four cups of badly burned coffee made with cheap ground beans.
Taking your time to cook a meal, listening to some music and enjoying the process, instead of hurriedly throwing together something that resembles food.
Taking the time to cook from a recipe book once in a while.
Using fresh ingredients. Using spices and fresh herbs. Growing your own herbs.
Setting the table, sitting with your loved ones, tasting the food and enjoying the company, instead of wolfing down your meal in front of the tv.
Inviting friends over for a meal that you have taken a few hours to lovingly prepare and cook, instead of going out to a crappy restaurant.
Making meals and desserts together - sharing in the experience.
Playing boardgames and cards instead of watching television.
Listening to people. Actually listening and not just sitting there waiting for your turn to speak.
Taking the time to meet people, know people, and visit them. Make friends, and be friendly. Be generous. It doesn't have to be with money. Lend a hand to a neighbour. Check up on an old friend. Bake biscuits for your grandparents. Make a birthday card and deliver it to a friend. Invite old friends for meals and cups of tea. Have sewing days for your kids.
Be organised and have a process. Put things away. If you're surrounded by clutter and mess, you feel more stressed.
Don't worry yourself with keeping up. Life will go on even if you aren't up to date with gossip, or have the newest and latest of things.
Buy things that you like. Things that make you happy. Not just because someone else tells you that you need them, or because everyone else has one.
Consider what you purchase. Consider the impact on the environment. Where it was made and by whom. What you need it for. The quality of the item.
Resist the fast-paced world outside. Things move at a mile a minute out there, but it doesn't mean that you have to as well.

Like I said, it is so different from how I have grown up with my mother, feeling like myself and my younger siblings are in the way. Having to look after ourselves, not being able to talk to our mum because she is busy (and then have her yell at us that we don't talk to her anymore). I guess most of all, feeling valued is an important thing that I get from my fathers side of my family, more than my mothers.

Well, I am working at home today. I much prefer it. I don't feel so on edge, wondering if my mum is going to crack open a beer at some ridiculous hour (yes, while working!) and wondering how to deal with that (ignore it? or say something? it's a home office). And I am not wondering if my mum's partner is going to come in between quotes and start a 'discussion' about one thing or another, which will then tangent into twelve other subjects, including my father, my past, my mum's past, my younger brother and sisters behaviour, my relationship, their relationship, my DF's work future opportunities, our newly purchased house etc etc.
So, while I don't have to deal with THOSE issues, I still have to deal with the fact that they are still spending money they don't have, on things they don't need, and having an 'I don't care, let's get another loan' attitude.
And while this week is very different to other weeks financially, because there is VERY little money left in their accounts. Usually there is money from jobs rolling in, and money rolling out, but it always APPEARS that there is money in there. So when I say 'We have no money' they think I'm joking or something, because there's 50k in there. What on earth do you mean, no money?
So there's under $2k in there now, so I think this may be the kick in the pants that has been long coming. I have no idea what they think they're going to do. I am sure a payment for a job will swoop in and save the day, and seeing as work has picked up again for the boys, it will continue to drip in again, and the whole cycle will repeat itself.
*sigh*
Well, I am becoming more detached from the situation as the days pass. It is now just a job for me. I get paid $18 an hour to pay bills, record reciepts, do the taxes, pay the credit card, juggle money, chase up unpaid money, pay the wages and superannuation, send out group certificates, meet licensing requirements and meet with the accountant every year. This is my job - it will last as long as they can afford me. I feel as though I have hardly any other connection with it any more.

Sorry for my rant, I had to get it out so now I can start work with a fresh mind. Atleast it's financially related!

I have decided to keep my goals for May fairly simple. My main area of focus will be health. I do not have a lot of financial goals for May, nor a lot in any other category. So it will only be a short list this month to keep track of:

- Begin to drop sugar-laden, processed and white flour products from everyday eating habits. (this is a long-standing goal)
- Continue to drink teas and mineral water/juice in place of coffee and soft drinks.
- Ensure that I drink 1-2L water each day.
- Complete 12 sessions minimum of 40 minutes or more exercise each week (walking, jogging or yoga).

- Succesfully host our housewarming party at the end of May. This goal includes:
Sending the invitations
Making a large portion of the fingerfood
Cleaning up our downstairs area
Finding something to hold a fire in

- Keep track of our stimulus money spending, so as to not overspend it.
- Keep track of all expenditure through the month.
- Formulate a plan for keeping track of extra payments and savings (I am thinking a spreadsheet for now)

- Take weekly photos of my gardening efforts.

- Take my ultrasound results to the doctor and get the results for my blood test.

Money:
[x] Keep track of all joint spending
[/] Manage personal spending and keep to the alloted amount per week.
/[] Sit down with DF and draw up a savings plan for the next 6 months.
[x] Plan what to spend my stimulus money on! (yes - I am spending it)

House:
[x] 30 minutes gardening per week
[x] Unpack at least 3 boxes per week.
[x] Write up a future To Do list for house repairs and maintenance
[x] Write up a future To Buy list for the house
[] Call the pest people about the termites on the letterbox
[] Call and change my address details for all correspondence (yes I know - still have not done it)

Health:
[x] 3 x 40 min exercise sessions per week
[] Atually WEAR my pedometer to get an average of my steps for EACH day of the week.
[] Begin this: http://www.weightlossresources.co.uk/diet/detox/plan.htm
[x] Re-introduce the 'one hour of body care per week' that I used to do.

Other:
[x] Call my little sister every week
[x] Catch up with my closest friend at least once per week (used to live near each other but since I moved I want to make the effort to see her like we used to)
[x] Stand by my resolve to not respond to the other 'friend' I have previously blogged about. And yes, this is a goal! I find these things very difficult.

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I am pretty happy with my efforts. I completed nearly all of my goals. I did not call the termite people because DF lost the piece of paper with the name and number on it - it is somewhere in the house so we will find it soon. Fortunately the termites seem to have disappeared for the meantime, and we know they aren't anywhere near our house because everything is visible - there are no tracks to be found.

While I kept to the alloted allowance, DF did not do so well, so this month I will be keeping a watchful (and nagging) eye on it.

We sat down and discussed what we wanted to achieve but have not done a proper savings plan yet. But atleast we have discussed it!

I haven't changed any address details yet - mail redirection makes me lazy! I still have a few months left...

I did not remember to wear the pedometer at all in April, except for a short walk to the mailbox.

I would like to start the detox plan, but instead I have been implementing healthier eating habits. So you could say I have half-heartedly done the detox plan (save for the caramel mudcake that some friends bought over... oh and the anzac biscuits some other friends bought over... *sigh*)
I have made DF hide the chocolate (I am one of those people, if it is there, I will take a square or three off the block every day, just because I know it's there!) He has also agreed to buy it out of his personal allowance, seeing as he does not want to not have it.
*sigh* I am working on it!

My May Goals are to follow shortly!

As the title suggests, April was the first month I have tracked our totals together.

I am still working out how to get it into a system so that it works easily for us - at the moment i just ask DF to tell me what he spends every day. He is getting better at remembering it now - but still needs to work on the cents part of it! ("spent twenty bucks on beer" "twenty? or $19.75? or $20.50? there's a difference!" "pfft, just put $20") *sigh*

So, here we go!

INCOME:
Earnings: $5004.80
Other: $3129
Total: $8133.80

EXPENSES:
Mortgage Payments: $2150.75
Groceries: $564.24
Petrol: $241.30
Internet & Phone Bill: $263.90
Car Repairs: $479
Car Engine: $1910 (one off expense)
Engine Hoist: $130 (one off expense)
Mobile Phone: $49.63
Life Insurance: $93.64
House Repairs & Maintenance: $304.32
Appliances/House Gadgets: $237.28
Gifts: $101.50
Health & Grooming: $108.90
Misc: $51
Dining Out: $231.67
DF Fun: $551.89
WS Fun: $395.58

Total Spent: $7864.60

Remaining: $269.20

Extra Payments Made: $333.14

While I agree it looks like we are cutting it fine, and not saving, generally speaking most months we won't be dropping $2k on car engines! So I think we did quite well, considering.

I worked out my figures wrong, so that is why more was paid into the loan that was actually remaining at the end of the month. Normally what I will be doing is calculating what is left and adding that back into the loan for savings or extra mortgage payments.

DF did not earn very much at all last month, it was quite slow. He had nearly two weeks off. I also had days off, so my earnings are down too. I am looking forward to May, as our earnings should be back to normal, and our spending should be under control.

Notice there is no longer a Bank Fees amount listed? Yes! Now we only have an annual bank fee, that we hope to offset with our credit card rewards. Yahoo!

Hmmm, not sure what else I should comment on here. Yes, DF's 'Fun' money is high, mine is also slightly higher than should be, but some of that is spending from my stimulus package, which I haven't bothered to seperate. DF is going to work on his Fun spending this month. Our dining out is high, even though it was only dining out once a week. Which I think is pretty reasonable really. Maybe we will push it to once every two weeks. Generally it is only when people come over, and we go out for lunch or something.

The phone & internet bill is high because it is the transfer fee for moving - I accidently put it in last months expenses too, so I will have to remove it from there.

All in all, I am happy with our first month of spending in the new house.

House Appliances & Gadgets were: a muffin tin, a set top box, and a slow cooker. The house maintenance & expenses were mainly gardening supplies and equipment, plus some other items like a rubbish bin, a front door mat, a sink strainer, window locks etc.

This weekend has been very spendy indeed, but mostly in a good way. We finally bought a set-top box. The ticket price was $59 but we got it for $49. We now have perfect reception. It's so perfect, in fact, that DF, who *hates* tv, is willing to sit and watch it. (which goes to show how bad it was before!)

We bought a lot of gardening supplies yesterday, and spent $74.43.
We bought: lawn fertiliser and lawn seeds (for a tiny patch that DF wants to grow grass on where it is shaded - all of the other grass areas are fine except this one part). Also bought a round flat saucer (thanks to Baselle for that brilliant idea!!!) and some lettuce seeds, and a long rectangular tub for herbs. I bought mint seeds, rosemary seeds, coriander and basil seedlings, as well as seedling potting mix and regular potting mix. Fingers crossed it all works out! I should have a lovely mixture of lettuce in 8-10 weeks. Not sure about the other herbs. I will post pictures later.

Today we bought a passionfruit vine as well.

Not a lot of other news. Now it is time for me to go and start planting!!!

First of all, an achievement: I realised today, as I filled my 2L water bottle from our kitchen tap, that I have not bought bottled water for ... a long time. I cannot remember the last time I bought bottled water. I would say it has been well over a month. Maybe two?
A plus to this is, our tap water actually tastes good at our new house! Even DF's sister noticed, as when we were sharing at our last house, she would buy her water as she didn't like the tap water there. It did not bother me that much that I had to buy it, but it did taste rather... tap-water-ish. But here, now, it tastes like filtered tank water. So DF and I have only discussed a few times the need to purchase a filter of some kind. It is kind of one of those things that is at the back of the list.

The youngest apprentice at work buys a bottle of water every day. It is a 1L bottle that costs $2.50. Multiply that by 5, and that's $12.50 she spends, every week. Which is $650 a year. Which might not be that much if you earnt a reasonable wage, but being an apprentice, I know she earns $220 a week. *sigh* sometimes I wish I could shake people...

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I am beginning to plan to make a herb garden, and a lettuce garden. I have read that you should plant flowers with lettuce so as to deter and confuse pests. So I might look into that too. I have been reading the gardning book that we were given as a housewarming present - and am a little overwhelmed. I have decided it would be in my best interests to formulate a table so as to figure out where to plant which herbs. Some need full sun, others need morning sun, some need drainage (coriander), some need wet roots (mint), plus I have to figure out the ones I need to plant now, seeing as it is becoming winter, and the ones I will have to plan to start in September, at the start of spring etc etc. Eek! At the moment it's all tumbled around in my head, so I think writing a list will be helpful. DF has it in his head I am going to fail (ok, my history with plants is really not that great) and that I am taking on too much work. This is when I had all these vast goals of making a huge vege patch. My response? 'I'll show YOU!'
Unfortunately, I agree somewhat with him. It's quite possible this venture could fail in epic proportions. My balloon has deflated to the herb garden size - so fingers crossed if this goes without a hitch, I may start a small plot with tomatoes and carrots as well.

I would feel the happiness of a zen master if I was able to grow my own salad, let me tell you.
I will do my best. You will see many photos on this blog of my efforts.

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I had an argument yesterday, that has been ongoing and that a lot of you know about, with my mum and her partner about my mums alcohol consumption. Long story short, I am working at home today (as I usually work at their house in their home-office). I have not actually told them I am working at home, but I was meant to start an hour ago, so I am thinking they have gotten the picture. Either that, or they haven't noticed.

It could be a good thing. It's possible this may be the beginning of the end of my employment there. I have worked there since 2001, and as most of you know, have grown increasingly frustrated with their spending and lack of restraint, and their poor business choices (buying a brand new $42k van, paying an extra 10k in interest, when they could have bought a second hand sedan for under $10k???)

It is interesting though, I am not sure if this is a good thing or not, but I feel no emotion (except small bouts of anger) any more. Through working there, I have had many incidences of sadness and despair - but now I just feel nothing. I just do not care how things turn out for them any more. You cannot help someone who does not help themselves. I have tried, and I still do, but at the same time, I have a clear voice in my head saying 'this is not your problem, this is not your fault, there is not a great deal you can do beyond what you have.'

Is this a good realisation? Or have I been ground down so much by stress and anxiety that I have no feeling left for this part of my life? I don't know. We will see I guess.

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I have been practising yoga again (I have done it off and on since I was 11 years old) a few times a week. Perhaps this is another reason for my non-feeling-ness. Maybe I am confusing 'not feeling' with calmness? Is that possible? I never even thought of that until just then. (amazing what blogging does!)
I have been using a yoga DVD. I much prefer doing this than having no one there - as it helps you hold the positions for the right amount of time. I have even fallen into an almost sleep-like relaxation during savasana a few times, even though the lady has been talking the whole time. I was never able to do that when I was younger. Interesting that we change as we get older.
Does anyone else do yoga here?

Thought I would share some more seeing as some of you enjoyed the last few:

The bathroom at the greek orthodox community centre that the awards night was held at last week:



talk about... DECADENT!
gosh i would love to have a bathroom like that.

And a dinner I made recently:

Roast Beetroot, Rocket, Grape Tomato, Feta, Walnut & Pinenut salad.

how do you work out your net worth? i have heard different things, of what you should and shouldn't include. so if someone here can give me a straight answer - that would be great!
i just figured it would be interesting to work it out.

Our bond refund FINALLY came through into our bank account today. DF also got reimbursed for some petrol he paid for from work, and our pay has gone through - so our accounts are back where they started at (over $11k) before DF bought his engine. That is a relief. I do not like seeing it under $10k. Yes, the accounts COULD be up at around $14k right now if he hadn't bought the engine - but then he would still have two cars that do not work sitting downstairs.

DF still has to transfer his $900 stimulus into the joint account, and then we are going to close our old accounts.

I have been trying to only do one shop a week, but this week we have run out of a couple of things (coffee and ginger beer) so I will have to make a stop on my way home from work today.

At the awards night last night, my boss won the regional award for Best Bakery! How exciting. He has only owned it for three years (same time I have worked there).
And my friend, well, she did not talk to me for about half an hour when she found her name in the book, but everything was fine after that.
My boss and colleague got quite sloshed as we were lucky enough to be at a table with a bar tab, picked up by one of the major flour companies.

The only downside was that there was an incredibly sleazy guy sitting at the table who took a like to my friend/colleague. At the end of the night he also took a like to Chivas Reagal on the rocks - which I don't think the flour company boss was very happy about either!

I got $50 from my boss for driving, and I probably used $30 of petrol. So $20 for 4.5 hours of driving isn't bad, when you consider I was going anyway! AND I don't have a hangover like the other two. I consider that a plus, on a Wednesday morning...

The experiment I mentioned - well, I did it as much as I could stand. Mainly my downfall was airconditioning - there were a couple of days where I could NOT drive without it. Well. I could - if I wanted to arrive a sweaty mess to a cocktail party. Some of the days this week were over 30 degrees! And it's supposed to be getting colder? Bah.

So really I did not try much at all with my experiment this week, but I did manage to do 202 kilometres (125.51 miles) with 15.4 litres (4.06 gallons), which cost me $18.25.

So, if I am working that out correctly, I got:

13.11 kilometres per litre

or

30.91 miles per gallon.

So I got nearly an extra kilometre per litre.

So apparently 30.91 mpg is bad??? I have no idea. I have people in my (real) life saying 13.11 km/l is GOOD, but my last post had people saying it was bad. So I am severely confused now. (remember i drive a 4 cyl automatic in a hilly area, with a sports exhaust system that is apparently meant to increase 'performance', ie. use more petrol? it was like that when i bought it)

Tonight I am driving my boss and colleague (also my closest friend) to a Gala Awards Night for the Baking Industry. My boss is up for an award for Best Bakery, and my colleague has won two awards. My boss said he would pay $50 to the person who drove, so I said I would do it, as my car just got serviced (and it will only cost me $20 in petrol).

Here is the thing: my colleague has NO idea that she has won the awards. Every single person at work knows except her. She is one of those people that does not think she is 'worth' anything and also thinks it would be embarrassing to get an award in front of people.

My boss asked me for help to get her to actually go to the award night (tickets cost $70 each but my boss managed to get three for free). So I called her and said 'We're going, I told Boss we would go' and used his nomination as an excuse.

So here's the thing, I am worried she will hate me or atleast be angry with me once she finds out I lied to her! I know that this sounds silly, but our relationship is based a lot on trust.

She has OCD and there are a lot of things that she will not do - and there are things I have to do for her that she would not ask anyone else (like open a can of drink - a small thing but huge at the same time - as she can't open cans due to not having long nails) and there are things I have to reassure her about that she would not trust from other people.

So I know that I did 'stretch the truth' with this award thing - but I hope she can see that I did it in order to get her to accept something she deserves, and that I would not lie to her about something that would affect her 'safety'.

Well, I have not posted for a few days.
On Saturday I bought a skirt that I had been eyeing off for months ($35). I also bought a singlet top ($10.38) and another nice top with lace-y bit on the shoulders ($31.99). Our toaster died, which we paid $9.98 for about four years ago. I decided to upgrade, and bought a $27.95 Breville toaster. Fingers crossed it lasts a bit longer! I also bought a coffee $3.75 and a headband $3. Yesterday we went out for lunch, so DF and I bought a membership to the RSL (won't let you in without one) $11. Lasts until the financial year end (June) but they also gave us $12 in drink vouchers. Our meals were delicious - we spent $27.95.

DF hopes to have his car going by the weekend. It is exciting for him as he hasn't had a car (that goes) in YEARS.

I have been having a recurring dream that my car won't start. Which is odd because I have NEVER had a problem with the ignition in real life, it always turns over in the first few seconds. I wonder what this dream is meant to mean?

I have decided to post an 'Everyday Pics' entry every week. Sometimes there will be a few photos, other times I may only be able to muster one shot. But I am going to do my best to do a post every week. I like sharing small snapshots - I hope others do too.

I like to go op-shopping and find things like this:

I was particularly proud of this flour container as I also found the creamer and sugar ones which matched. The flour one I remember in particular, as I read the price tag wrong. Initially I thought it said $10.50, and I put it back on the shelf. Then I picked it up again because I really liked it, and realised it said $1.50. Then I got to the cashier and they told me it was half price day!

My beloved Global knives:

I used them at a restaurant I worked at, and ever since then fell in love with them. They are made like Samurai swords - the steel is heated and folded many times to create great strength. They are also perfectly balanced handle-to-blade. I was beginning to save for them when Dad bought them for me for my birthday.

This is one of my favourite dresses in my wardrobe:

It's also the one that the boning dug into me - which is fixed now. I bought it in 2007 for a friends wedding. I can never find excuses to wear it, but tomorrow I am wearing it to an engagement party. I just love it, the floaty lace and the silky satin sash...


Well, I hope you like the latest instalment of my 'everyday pics'. More to come next week!

I am ashamed to say that's how much my car does.
I mentioned it to DF's BIL and he said 'that's actually... not that great...' to which DF overheard and replies: 'it's great considering how whitestripe drives'
(!!!)

Lets go, pedal to the metal!

So DebtFreeMe was the closest guess, at 22km a litre.

Now I have made it a goal of reducing that by nanny-driving (driving like your grandmother is in the back seat).

I will be filling the tank up on the way home from work today. Let's see how THAT goes!

... YAY!

Well, I was expecting $500-$600, so I am quite happy. All the normal service things were done, and the brakes.
my steering wheel no longer shakes, the handbrake is much tighter, he oiled my tyres for me, and he must have liked my music because he played 10 songs of the CD I had in there - but only drove a few kilometres (bob dylan, jimi hendrix, jefferson airplane and the yardbirds).

Other than that, today I spent $3.15 on a drink in the morning, $3.80 on a drink in the afternoon, and $8.10 on a muffin and a coffee. I NEARLY bought a skirt and a necklace... NEARLY... but I decided to think about it. I am still thinking about it, so I might go in and have another look on Friday afternoon.

First of all I am seeking some advice:
My dad has put $60 into my account every fortnight for... ever. When I was younger it was $20 a month, but it increased a few years ago.
I don't ask him for anything else ever - this probably stems from when I was young my mum would force me to ask my dad for anything I needed or wanted - so as soon as I started earning my own money I was fiercely independant.
Anyway, back to it. I appreciate the money I get from my dad, but I know I would be alright without it. He and his wife have a 12 year old daughter and they are still paying off a mortgage. I am closing the bank account where he puts the money - so my dilemma is: how do I word this?
I was thinking of writing an email (which is how we normally communicate) and saying, that I am closing the bank account, and that while I appreciate the allowance he gives me, and every time I see it deposited in my bank I do think of him, but that now is a time where I would be happy if he would like to use this money for my little sister (this is not the one that was sent to the grandparents - this is the complete other side of the family), or for their mortgage (they are good with money - the only thing I berate them with is that they don't pay extra! argh! and they only bought their house for $87k 10 years ago!). But that I would be happy to give him my bank details anyway for emergencies. And then I would ask how he felt about this.

So I was wondering how that sounded? I know there are LOTS of parents on here, and I thought I could get your input.

I have been thinking about it for ages. As I have said, I appreciate the money. And I also think it's crass to say 'dad, my new bank details are...'. And I also realise that I will be alright without the money. And I would prefer, in my heart, that they use it for themselves as well. I still get money for my birthday and christmas. They even give us money for DF's birthday!

So, any advice is welcome. Thankyou for taking the time to read!

Onto other updates:

I checked my old bank account today and the $900 stimulus has gone in (insert happy dance here).

The only thing I want to buy this week is a new pair of black heels. I do HAVE a pair, I just don't know where they are... and I need them by Saturday. Also, my feet go numb in them. Which is a good thing, considering otherwise they could be quite painful (I wouldn't know!) but I can't help thinking of the long term effects...

Not to say the new pair will be any different. I have accepted the fact that I do LOVE the look of gorgeous heels, but I that am much more of a ballet flat girl. But I have been reading lately that they are just as bad. *sigh* what am I supposed to do? wear joggers all the time? crocs? puh-lease!

I think I may wait a little while before I spend any more of it. No doubt everyone would have jacked up the prices because of it (or... won't have any good specials on). Also, DF just bought a new engine for his car, at the tune of $1920! But hopefully he and his BIL can just put it in, in one day, and DF will actually have a car of his own again.

I am also getting my car serviced today. It's car stuff all around. I am getting the brake pads and rotors done, I am guessing it will be around $500-$600 including the normal service as well. But I am praying that there is nothing else that needs to be done either. The mechanic is quite good, I have always gone there by myself and he has never tried to say 'oh, I had to do this' as all the horror stories go. With the brakes, he just did my normal service and said 'If I were you I would do these soon'. So I am very happy with him.

So there is a lot of money going OUT of the account at the moment, and not a great deal coming in (DF hasn't had a lot of work this week, and I have been sick a day and had two days off from public holidays). So the stimulus money ($900 for me and $900 for DF) will help keep it up at a normal level for a little while until we start earning a bit more again.

Come to think of it, I have been the main earner since we moved in to our new house. DF worked one day last week, so he only earnt $200. And consistently, the whole time we've been paying the mortgage, I have earnt more than him. However, that is only because Feb & March are typically slower months for tradesmen, and being a small business DF's dad can't afford to pay for hours that aren't worked. My mum asked me, when I mentioned DF only earnt $200 this week, "oh, how is that going to be for you guys though...?" I replied, "we don't spend more than we have, if it's not there, it's not there."
But, there will be weeks where DF will work 60 hours and rake in $1500 a week - which I could never do at my job. *sigh*
Of course, having the surplus $10k is making it easier but my aim is to have that, and more, in there at all times.

Thought it might be time to upload a few pics - inspired by brooklyngirls travel photos. Not really the same thing, but I hope you enjoy anyway!

our closest beach, on a good day:

and on a stormy day:

the sunset at our last rental house:

at our first rental house during the rainy season (end of summer, March) this was originally a large field. in the background you can see a line in the water, this is the top of a 1.2m fence:

the city where I grew up as a child, i revisit every couple of years (Melbourne):


what I do for work:


what DF does for work (and you've seen the pictures from our house too):

what DF does as a hobby, which I sometimes do as well (screenprinting on shirts, he cuts the pictures out by hand)


what we do for fun:




That's all I can find for now. There are so many more photos on DF's computer, I will have to raid them and find some more! Anyway, hope you have enjoyed them

I guess it is the type of world we live in now where what we do and what we have achieved is used to measure how succesful we are. Today I was just thinking about all the people I went to school with, and what their 'defining factor' is at this stage in their life. I find it amusing that whenever I meet a friend from school and the talk turns to other old school friends, usually they have one or two big things they have done since leaving school, that they are known for. It's odd that five years of our lives can be broken down into a single event or achievement. I am happy that a good amount of these 'doings' are NOT directly financially related though, in the terms of 'I make this much, I have this much'. But I do find it odd all the same, that this is how we keep in touch now.

T has reconverted to her muslim religion (I had no idea at all that she ever was) and was married yesterday. She moved to another state two weeks ago to be with this husband, whom she has never been in the same room with alone.

AM and LM are now born again Christians but luckily not the type I have encountered before - they do not go overboard on everything and do not feel the need to preach to everyone about it.

C travelled to Fiji to help orphans learn English.

R, J and M have travelled Europe.

Z moved to Cairns and bought a house with her BF, which they are renovating.

S, previously a model, moved to Perth with her BF to work in the mines. She rakes in the money but she spends it just as fast.

N moved to the outback to a skill shortaged area with her BF to pay off their house.

AH had two more children (on top of the one she had at high school).

CF, CL, CU, M, G, SH, KC and EG have all had a child.

SG, SM got married.

N got engaged to her boyfriend, then had a flip out, broke off the engagement, started a relationship with another girl, A, and they moved inland.

M is a masseuse, and her sister became a model and has moved overseas.

P got her masters, got a two year contract job and bought my favourite car (i posted on this awhile ago).

R's mother died of cancer. R went A-wol and crashed her car, injuring four of her friends.

SS, a friend who was close at school, moved out hours away, and has had three children, all while excessively drinking and smoking.

K is having a baby this year.

AW bought a bakery with her BF.

KF re-started figure skating (? which i never knew she did anyway!)

CT constantly updates her facebook status as to do with something happening with her relationship ('what did i do wrong?' 'boys always hurt me' 'me heart is breaking' 'he doesnt love me anymore') Chronic overshare!!!

AH moved to live and work on an island resort.

KS works with GreenCorps, for minimum pay, planting as many trees as she can and caring for the environment.

JB got his pilot license, has bungee jumped and skydived.

HL got a tattoo.

MP and SC both bought cars which now feature prominently in their display pictures at all times - and sometimes that is ALL that is in their display pics.


And that's only a handful that I can remember right now. It's just interesting to see it all in one place. It's weird the way people's lives start to turn out - things you would have never imagined them doing they now do.

Last week our friends R & M made the announcement at another friend, L's, birthday party. They are 14 weeks along and it was unplanned, but they are happy, although completely stumped as to what they should be doing (babies were not on the cards for another few years for them).

While it's extremely happy news all around, the 'childless' group is getting increasingly small!

C & E just had their baby girl last month.
DF's sister A & fiance D (D is DF's best friend) are due in July.
M & A are due next month.
A & A are also due next month.
As well as J & K also due next month, expecting twins.
My friends N & N had their second child in January.
A girl I went to school with is due in three months.
Another close friend R & her boyfriend J are planning on having a baby in a year.
A friend of R & M had a baby boy 4 months ago, who also attended the party, where the announcement was made.
The birthday boy's sister also attended the party and bought with her, her husband and new baby boy as well.
And now R & M are expecting as well.

And to top it all off, at the party last week DF spent half the night holding the 4-month-old baby boy for the friend so she could eat her dinner, and just about everyone cooed at him "It suuuuuiiittsss you, D!".

Can I just say, *PRESSURE*, anyone???

Personally I would LOVE to have a baby right now, but we are not in the financial place we would like to be in at that time. And I would rather be at ease financially, as I can imagine everything else will be chaos at that time, it would make things so much more harder having to worry about money too.

But jeez, I am feeling surrounded by babies at the moment, it's all getting a bit insane!

I woke up late today even though I set my alarm for 6am - I must be getting used to the sleeping in because i woke at 8.30! And I had to be at a friends house for coffee at 9am. Eek.
I had planned to do some yoga and pilates, make breakfast and finish writing a letter, but that all went out the window.
At my friends, we were meant to go to a cafe but seeing as we ALL woke up late, we went to the shop and bought pancake mix and made coffee at her house. I gave her $5 as I am the only weird person that eats yoghurt with pancakes. They laughed at me! I do not like icecream that much, and I don't like jam or butter or maple syrup on pancakes either. Anyway, apparently I am strange...

So my expenditure is $5 for today.

It's nearly noon and I plan to do some more unpacking and listen to Bob Dylan (he has been on high rotation this weekend) and clean up my clothes. I have this habit when I get ready to go out, of pulling out about 20 different things, then leaving them in a pile to 'put away later'. Does anyone else do this?

I also have to put away the dishes and clean the spare room still. And finish the letters, charge my ipod and camera, and make a cd for my car. Better get to it!