I'm probably not surprising anyone with what this blog entry will be about; because I've blogged about it several times before.

I'm sure a few of you remember my previous posts on the whole "what am I going to do for my future career/job/employment/study" issue.

However, this time it's different! Because it's not actually my fault for *not* doing anything.

Basically after several years of tossing up between some sort of apprenticeship (chef or pastry chef) or going to university to study something that would result in an office-ey job, I finally decided to talk to my boss about doing a fast tracked apprenticeship so I could get qualified for the job I do now (pastry chef). It was supposed to take 18 months and the details about pay were rather hazy; my boss waved his arms around and said it would be fine and I could just do the same hours and get the same pay I get now, instead of doing full time work for apprentice wages. He said he would talk to the trainer that does everything for our apprentices, and I would probably be qualified in no time.

We started to have a conversation about it last week at work, it actually started because he said that he would be looking to put on another apprentice soon, as one he has is about to qualify, but this time he would put one on that is under 18, as he gets more benefits for them. I jokingly bought up the subject of MY (nonexistent) apprenticeship.

He said that he HAS talked to the trainer, which is a good step. And then he started to go on about how they don't do some things now that they used to do, and something about it taking three years, and something else about reduced pay and 38 hours a week. He then finished with "but you'll be fine anyway, you'll be able to get a job anywhere as a cake decorator."

Which is all fine and dandy, except I've been there for nearly five years and I'd like atleast something to show for it. I also find it hard to believe that it's impossible to work out some sort of individual training contract with me. I'm not asking for MORE money, or MORE work, I'm asking for the SAME thing I have now, only a signature on a slip of paper at the end. I even offered to pay for my training costs.

Basically what I got from the conversation is that it's too hard, they can't do it, and I should probably forget about it.

So this conversation happened last week, and this week I feel rather unappreciated and a bit glum to tell you the truth. Normally I don't mind my job - I'm happy when it's home time, but I don't *hate* being there. But today I just could not wait to leave. Even though I've been there since my boss started the business (he personally asked me to work for him, and poached me from another job I had), I feel like 'just another worker'.

So all this has started me thinking again on the subject of what I'm going to do. I know I'm 'only 22' and that I have 'lots of time' and that 'I don't even have to DO anything at all anyway other than work a day to day job', I just personally feel like, yes, I do have to DO something.

My other option was to study accounting at university. It's a three year course. Sometimes the idea of it bores me to tears, but other times I think it'd be nice. I do *love* figures, money, tax etc, all that. I find it interesting when other people's eyes glaze over at the mention of it. So I know I'd possibly not be *bad* at it.

My Ultimate Goal in life is to open my own cafe with possibly some sort of design/art/book store theme. Maybe.

Anyway, so both of these inital 'career options' I had in mind will help me with this Goal. I will at some stage have to do more study into book keeping if I do this. It's what my other part time job is, but I do it with the knowledge that an accountant will check everything over for me at the end of each financial year.

If I did an accounting degree and got a cushy job at a company, or started my own book keeping business for tradesmen & sole traders, I would be able to a) live reasonably comfortably, possibly get some sort of maternity benefits and even allow DF to stay at home with the kids (a la Monkey Mama style! ) and b) save up enough to have a 'starter fund' for my Ultimate Goal.

The pastry chef apprenticeship and eventual qualification would have resulted in more knowledge and ability to create products to eventually sell at my eventual Ultimate Goal - and learn a bit more about the goings on of a hospitality business (though I do have a firm grasp at this point).

However, it looks like the pastry chef thing is a no-go. I've had enough waiting around for other people to get things rolling, I think it's starting to wear me down a bit and I feel a bit restless. I feel like while I'm currently doing what I'm doing now, I need to be doing something else as well. Otherwise I feel like I'm going no-where. You know???

So I'm thinking that mid year (August, I think) I will apply for the Uni course. I think I just need to dive in and do something, even if I do one module and hate it, the $1k the module will have cost me is a small price to pay to make me realise I *don't* want to do that.

So overall it's a fairly happy outcome.

But the main thing that annoys me is that it takes so much effort for me, personally, to ask people for things like that (the apprenticeship).

I get stressed, worried and fear getting rejected. I get this niggling feeling that people will think I'm not worth the effort. So for it to fizzle out like this with no real enthusiasm on my boss's behalf only reinforces my belief that I shouldn't bother, and if someone, anyone, wanted to offer something to me they would have already.