DF and I have been talking about an engagement party. Typically I think you're meant to have them just after you announce the engagement, and it's a good idea for us to do that because we're not actually getting married for a few years.
So, my dad and stepmum and little sister are staying with us Sept 25-Oct 2nd. They live 3 hours away by plane so it's a big deal, I only see them once a year.
I was thinking it would be a good idea to have the engagement party while they're here, people expect everyone's parents to be there of course.
So I called my dad yesterday to ask him if that would be ok, as it is their *holiday* after all. He said 'if that's what you guys would like to do we would be happy to.' I guess that is the best reaction I could get. I really did stress that if they felt the teeniest bit uncomfortable we could have a quieter dinner while they are here with just a few people, and have the engagement party another time with a whole heap of people.
It is just, I know my dad and them want nothing to do with my mum and her partner. Things weren't exactly amicable, and I understand that.
And I will have to ask my mum to NOT drink a single drop. So there's a possibility that she will get all stubborn and refuse to come anyway. And you know the horrible thing? There's a part of me that actually wants her to not come. *ALL* of our friends avoid her, she has given my DF's auntie a hard time over nothing once (and now thinks she's the devil - when the Auntie did nothing at all) and I just feel tense imagining my dad there. Also my mum's partner is one of those 'take sides before you even know the other side of the story' types - hates my dad because of the things my mum told him which mostly are in her head anyway (I suppose that is normal in a divorce anyway, but it just gets to me).
Anyway. Then there's the whole thing of planning it, I want to have it on a Sunday mid-morning, so it sends the message that it's a casual event, not an actual 'party'. DF suggested a morning tea type of thing, and I had the idea of hiring one of those mobile coffee carts. Anyone ever had one of those? How much do they cost?
I would make most of the stuff at work 
and then we would not have to ask people to bring anything. We would have cupcakes, quiches, sandwhiches, maybe some mini custard tarts or something, scones, slices of cake etc. Sort of like a high tea?
None of our friends have ever had an engagement party like that, so it would be rather different. We'd have it at a park.
So anyway, I just really don't know what to do. My dad's reaction was neutral, which is the best I could hope for I guess. 
I have the difficult task of asking my mum nicely not to drink. I got angry and upset last night and cried to DF because I thought to myself 'Why the **** should I even have to ASK this kind of thing? And why should I walk on eggshells around it? It's not MY ******* problem!'
Anyway. What would you do? I am sure my dad would be happy to have a nice dinner with maybe my DF's mum, grandparents, DF's sister and a couple of our friends. But then again I just don't think it's right to have an engagement party without your dad there.
We would invite around 50 people. There would be others that they could talk to, I just don't know what will happen.
what should i do?
August 23rd, 2009 at 06:56 pm
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