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Home > am i being a weird freaky non-girly person?

am i being a weird freaky non-girly person?

January 27th, 2009 at 04:01 am

First of all, is it weird to want to go halves with DF on an engagement ring?

It is for me, after all.

And we're joining our finances. So technically we'll be going halves anyway. Isn't it better to just do it together from the get-go? I mean, I *DO* all the finances. I am going to find out how much it cost, and where he gets it from.

Also, secondly, I have some issues with the amount of money it will cost.

DF casually asked his best friend, who is engaged to DF's sister, how much their ring cost him. (I have no idea how you can casually ask this, but he managed to).


I don't know, is it just me or is that a lot? I mean, I am AWARE that LOTS of people pay thousands and thousands for engagement rings, but to be honest, we are ordinary folk.

I just... I don't know. I feel WEIRD expecting something like that. I would feel so STRESSED wearing something that cost that amount.

I said to DF (before I knew how much DF's sisters cost) that I'd be fine with whatever, as long as it was made to last, a couple of hundred dollars max, and I DON'T WANT A DIAMOND.

Even after finding out how much the other ring cost, I am still ok with the amount that I already said - but then I get pangs of doubt. Is it just because I'm trying to keep up with the Jones's? I realise I'm only stressing out now because I found out how much someone elses was. But I'm not stressing out in the normal way. I'm not saying 'I want you to spend $3k on my ring'. I'm now stressing out because I am thinking that's what is expected, and it ANNOYS me!

Is this weird?

Are we MEANT to spend that much? I just don't get it. It's really not important to me. I just want a nice plain ring with a ruby or something. It doesn't have to be all jazzed up. It doesn't have to have ten million stones on it or any fancy design. It can be one of those antique ones, too. It doesn't have to be 'made' for me.

Am I supposed to be more fussy than this?

I am having a severe i-don't-think-i'm-being-girly-enough attack. and i realise also that it's stupid. but it's still happening!!!

20 Responses to “am i being a weird freaky non-girly person?”

  1. go.Xtina Says:

    In Macau, my brother was thinking of getting his future wife an engagement ring that cost 30,000$. His reasons? It shows that the man can feed his wife. It's all about giving an impression. Hell... Even my whole family especially my older cousin's side loves to have expensive things and value them more than other things. I don't think you need an expensive ring to feel girly. Just think of it as you being non-materialistic.

  2. go.Xtina Says:

    Happy Chinese New Year by the way. =D

  3. whitestripe Says:

    lol thanks x.tina Smile and yes, that is my problem - i don't want something that expensive also because i guess i rebel against that stereotype too.
    plus, i work, i can feed myself lol!

  4. cassandra Says:

    I don't think your weird- but I am the same way. :P

    I never really wanted a diamond and I don't want to spend a lot on an engagement ring. Personally, I wouldn't want to spend more than about $800 on a ring. Spend what feels right for you- no matter how little it may cost.

  5. frugaltexan75 Says:

    Well . . I know that if I was going to be engaged, and my future husband bought me an engagement ring that cost *anywhere* in the realm of more than a few hundred dollars, then we'd have some serious talking to do regarding our money views.

    In my mind the ring is a symbol - a statement - showing that you have pledged your heart to someone so don't intrude. A simple gold band with *maybe* a small fake diamond (zirchonian??) is more than statement enough.

    So in other words, no, you're not being a freaky non-girly person. You are being smart!

  6. my english castle Says:

    I also felt icky about diamonds, especially since all the Sierra Leone news broke. Diamonds are an artificial monopoly held up for years by DeBeers, and I don't like them much. We chose a simpler ring, and I don't think you're strange at all. I do find women who like the "princess-y" thing about engagement rings a little odd, but maybe it's just a style thing.

    It's the marriage that's important, and the way you feel, not the stone.

  7. Little L Says:

    Why worry about what other people think. Its YOUR ring and you have to wear it so get what YOU want, not what you think other people think you should have. If DF wants to buy you a diamond, ask him to wait and give to you for an anniversary gift. Good luck and congratulations!!!

  8. momsfirststep Says:

    Buy what you like and will wear for a long time. My husband bought me a beautiful single diamond platinum engagement ring for over $5,000. I wore it every day until my kids were born. Now I only take it out for special occasions and when I bring it into the jewelry store every 6 months to get it inspected. Also, buy what you love. If it is between two rings within your price range and you like the more expensive one more, buy the more expensive one. You are worth it and it will be forever yours.

  9. snoopycool Says:

    I feel the same way. It kind of makes DH upset sometimes because I do not like for him to spend money on me, but we're just not wealthy and I prefer a secure future to having something like jewelry now. My engagement ring and wedding band were both very modest.

  10. North Georgia Gal Says:

    I think that you should buy whatever ring you like. Don't put the emphasis on how much it costs. It is more important that you are happy with the ring you will wear every day. Do you want your ring to remind you of the love you share or the huge debt it costs to get it?

  11. Ima saver Says:

    I was married before and I paid for my own engagement ring. so when I married dh, I assured him that I would rather use the ring I already had, so he bought me a diamond watch for a few hundred. Now, do you know what I wear, a beautiful absolute diamond (fake) that I got from QVC for less than $200. Everyone loves it and thinks it is real.

  12. monkeymama Says:

    We didn't spend more than $100 on the engagement ring. If I had any money at the time I might have wanted to chip in too. But no way did I Want to wear an expensive ring that might get lost.

    We had a lot of money when we got married and I got a simple/elegant diamond band in the $1k range, for the wedding ring. I regret it now. I only got it because I thought we had to have diamonds. I never would have bought a diamond ring otherwise. I have met quite a few people since who have simple bands (no diamond engagement ring even) and I wish that's what we did. I don't know why I didn't think about it more carefully - kind of went with the herd in some regard.

    So I think you should do what YOU want to do! Big Grin

  13. Caoineag Says:

    I am not a fan of diamonds so I actually designed my ring. Total cost was $700 and that was only because the rock was a very large and beautiful spinel (think ruby but slightly more plentiful). You have to pick something you would be happy, not what everyone else expects you to have.

  14. PRICEPLUS Says:

    I paid about a month and a half of my salary for my wife's engagment ring. We went to the diamond district and were fortunate enough to have one made from a mold that a customer had ordered but backed out on.

    I worked any and all overtime I could get. I was working a second job at the time as well as doing moving jobs. Needless to say I was exhausted. The look on my wife's face when she got the finished product was worth every penny to me. She still comments from time to time how much she loves it even after all these years.

    Halfsies? Nah I could not go that way! But that is just me!WinkSmile

  15. Carolina Bound Says:

    Way back when I got married, I told my fiance I wanted a garnet ring, not a diamond. But he was a traditionalist, and he did what his mother and sister approved of -- bought me a diamond. Today we are divorced. I am wearing the garnet ring I bought for myself. The diamond is in waiting for my son to have reset for his bride -- when he makes the big ask. So I guess it has served a purpose!

  16. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:

    I like your attitude and ideas about this. You've got more plans than just a ring on one person's finger. Even making that decision together is part of your joining together. I think that is romantic!

  17. ceejay74 Says:

    Well, I am probably a weird freaky non-girly woman, and you think a lot like me, so I'd have to say "Yes, you are." LOL.

    We bought beautiful, simple matching titanium bands for all three of us at a museum store. They were about $70 apiece. I paid for them (as in, I put them on the credit card, as was my style back in the day :/ ). We wore them to signify our engagement, then pulled them off the morning of the ceremony and put them back on one another's fingers as part of our vows.

    Was the symbolism any less because we didn't follow any rules? It sure felt deeply significant to me. I love looking at my ring and thinking about what it means.

  18. Phenomenal Woman Says:

    My husband proposed to me with a ring he made out of wire. He is a wire sculpture and did extricate details on the ring. However we both knew that this ring I cannot wear as it will break. He just didn't know what kind of an engagement ring I wanted.
    I told him I only wanted a pretty single eternity band for a wedding ring without the engagement ring. I like diamonds but I would be pretty upset if he paid so much for one(s) when I rather have something else for us.
    Funny thing is that when we announced that we were engaged, everyone kept asking to see my ring. I explained nicely that we were planning to use only the wedding band out of preference. Hubby for some reason felt bad as he was hearing the comments from others while it didn't bother me. This prompted him to surprise me with an inexpensive diamond solitaire ring for Christmas. I was shocked and happy and disappointed all at the same time. Happy because he wanted to do something nice and it is a pretty ring but somewhat disappointed because I really just wanted to wear the eternity band alone and I think he may have felt like I was not being honest with what I wanted because I ask for less than what most women would want. I am a simple girl. (I just do not let my hubby know this).
    I now wear the diamond eternity band my my wedding finger and the solitaire on my right hand. I live in a society (Silicon Valley) where diamonds smaller than 2K is considered small. My solitaire is only 1/4k and total diamonds on my eternity band is .80k.
    I get comments on the eternity band all the time. It looks really pretty in a refreshing “less is more” way.

  19. homebody Says:

    I bought my own gold band, thinnest I could find since I have small hands. It cost under $50.00 in 1978. DH surprised me with a small solitaire also with a very small band when we had been married 6 years. Then for my 25th, he bought me one of those anniversary rings, small diamonds around the whole band. Okay that was enough for me. 1 year later for Christmas he bought me a very lovely platinum with 3 diamonds. I told him NO MORE DIAMONDS.

    Get what you want. For 5 years I only wore my rings when I left the house, which is every day now! I also have a story of losing them all for several weeks, a nephew finding them all on my mother's lawn....can't believe I got them all back.....

  20. Broken Arrow Says:

    Wow, that's awesome. Even my ex didn't think that way when we got her engagement ring. I didn't think most women since, you know, the ring is suppose to be the man's proposal and the woman's acceptance. Even I don't have a problem with that. So very good for you!

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