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getting married

November 3rd, 2010 at 04:55 am

We haven't completely decided yet, but are most likely going to get married some time early next year.

It's not going to be a big wedding. In fact, we are not having a wedding at all.

Recent events have made us realise that some things are NEVER going to change in our family. It wouldn't matter if we tried to talk it out, separate those involved, have group mediation, ignore it or turn a blind eye etc. People are going to remain as they are, and we have come to accept that we can't change them, no matter how much we plead.
It would be silly to expect things to run smoothly, and I don't want to have that burden on a day that is supposed to be fabulous and all about love and family.
And I don't want to save money and fork out for an event that is going to leave a sour taste in my mouth when I think about it.
We can't NOT invite the people involved either.
Also, I have had a couple of friends ask me 'When is the wedding date?' and then go on to say 'Oh, I love weddings...' etc. I have been feeling a huge amount of pressure to put on some type of show, which is really not my thing at all.

So we decided that, in the end, marriage is the unity of two people. When you pry away the layers of royal icing and lace, or whatever it is you have at a wedding, the bare-bones of it is that it's about two people saying they will be together forever.

And so we decided that instead, we will do something that is slightly alternative that WE enjoy as a couple, on the day, after registering the marriage, and that will be it. Maybe we will have a dinner out with some family members or friends, maybe not. Most likely we might make a quick weekend trip to see my dad - but that's it.

We have been talking about this for a couple of months now, and I think we have both felt a weight has been lifted. It feels so much better knowing that we don't have to do something solely because other people expect us to. I know it might upset some friends, but I can't help that.
My best friend is not fond of the idea. I'd go so far as to say she disapproves greatly. I think she thinks it's extremely unromatic.


30 Responses to “getting married”

  1. scottish girl Says:

    That's great news!

  2. Tightwad Kitty Says:

    Do what you want to do and don't worry about everyone else. Congratulation bye the way!

  3. creditcardfree Says:

    You are doing the right thing for you! It shows quite a bit of maturity on your part actually. Congratulations!! We'll happy dance online for you on the big day. Smile

  4. campfrugal Says:

    Congratulations. I have had three nieces get married in the past couple years and none of them had a wedding. They all did their own thing. One niece did have an outdoor reception 6 months later, at a friend's house, which was very fun.

    Whatever you do, just make sure that it is special to you and your significant other.

    I married my husband on Mackinaw Island (which is about 3.5 hours drive away from where we live. Whomever of my family wanted to come could or not. All of our favorite people showed up, about 18 of them. I planned a beautiful luncheon at one of the restaurants on the island and carriage rides. It was the best day ever; and then we went on a couple day roadtrip into the UP of Michigan for our honeymoon and had a great time, great pics and great memories. Total for our wedding, hotel accommodations, luncheon, clothes, eating out, gas, etc. was about $1,500.

  5. CB in the City Says:

    I knew someone who got married at the courthouse, then the two of them went up into the mountains and privately pledged their love for each other in a beautiful spot. It was the second marriage for both and both said it was a perfect "wedding."

  6. MonkeyMama Says:

    Congrats! I would have preferred to do the same thing, but my husband has a huge family and a proper wedding was important to him. I'd take an elopement or quick legal ceremony at city hall, any day! Big Grin

  7. momcents Says:

    ((hugs)) You've got a great head on your shoulders, and I am proud of you! To do things for the reasons that are right for you shows true wisdom and maturity. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!

  8. Analise Says:

    Every bride/groom should have a wedding that is tailored to their personal wishes. Good for you to have your wedding the way you want it... you and your df are the only two whose opinion should matter. Congratulations!

  9. Ima saver Says:

    Congratulations! I too, married at home with just a few friends. We had a little bit of food, a little bit of alcohol and a lot of fun for about $100. That was almost 34 years ago and the happiest day of my life.

  10. frugaltexan75 Says:

    Congratulations! If this is what makes both you and DF happy, then go for it!

  11. sharmanl Says:

    We got married at the court has and have been married for 18 years next Tuesday. It's your lives. Do what makes you happy. That is what matters most.

  12. sharmanl Says:

    We got married at the court house, and have been married for 18 years next Tuesday. It's your lives. Do what makes you happy. That is what matters most.

  13. M E 2 Says:

    You're just as legally married whether or not you put on a "big show" or if you do what you want, and elope. Although you aren't technically running off, I am just trying to make a point. Smile Congrats and good luck!

  14. Broken Arrow Says:


  15. miclason Says:

    Well, the wedding is YOUR day (as in you and your future spouse) and people should just be happy for you and not try to make you do something you really don't want to (like a huge, lavish party!)

  16. baselle Says:

    Congratulations! Remember that after a wedding, any wedding, you are married and the real tasks begin. Far too many couples concentrate on the wedding when they should be concentrating on the marriage. In my day eloping was the romantic move, not the bride-zilla thing.

  17. Jerry Says:

    Whose nuptials are they, anyway? One of the most "romantic" and lavish weddings I ever attended was followed by an 18 month marriage that ended horribly... the ceremony itself isn't some sort of insurance for the strength of the relationship. I think that you are spot-on... you and your fiance should do exactly what YOU want to do, this is about your commitment to each other. Those who are willing to celebrate with that understanding will enjoy it, no doubt! I congratulate you and hope that your marriage leads to a wonderful life together...

  18. ceejay74 Says:

    Congratulations again, if I haven't said it already! And hooray for small weddings, if that's what the bride & groom want!

    We had a small ceremony in the morning that my friend got ordained as a minister for, and then a slightly bigger commitment ceremony/reception at that same friend's home later that evening. Of course, we were lucky (I'll go ahead and say it) that most of our family members lived too far away and it was too short notice to attend (but we had a good excuse with the fiance visa only giving us a small window of time). It was not very stressful and very very special -- but not as special as the time, effort, attention and affection we give one another on an everyday basis.

  19. fern Says:


    Yes, do what makes YOU happy....if, down the road, you feel the time is right to do something more conventional to recognize the union, you can, but a you said, weddings cost a huge amount and why bother with all the fuss if attendees will be fueding.

  20. Thrifty Ray Says:

    I bet if there was a survey of brides and grooms after the fact about whether or not "the big day" was worth the money and stress, the percentage of yays would be low. Do what you and your fiancee feel is right, really...nothing else matters.

  21. scfr Says:

    Congrats! Yes, by all means do what YOU want to do ... It is your day after all!

    You can still do something to commerate that doesn't involve inviting other people, if you want to.

    For example, just because you don't have a formal ceremony that doesn't mean you can't go and have some formal photos taken.

    17 years down the road from my wedding day, I still enjoy looking at the pictures, and my nieces & nephews get a real kick out of it since they weren't around then. If you have children some day, it's something they may enjoy too.

    And I'll tell you a little secret (shhh ... don't tell my DH ...): On days when I am getting annoyed by him, looking at the photos from our wedding day help me remember why I married him in the first place!

    Doesn't have to be pictures ... Just something concrete/physical that you can look at & touch from time to time that has meaning for you.

  22. whitestripe Says:

    scfr - we are actually thinking of doing something like that, but it's rather unconventional and about 90% of the worlds population would disaprove, so I don't really want to disclose what it is exactly. Big Grin

    thanks everyone for your support, it makes me feel like we are making a good and level-headed decision.

  23. rob62521 Says:

    Being committed to someone is more than a fancy ceremony and an overpriced meal. Sounds like you have your heads on straight and are doing what is best for you. Congratulations!

  24. crazyliblady Says:

    Speaking as someone who tied the knot in a municipal court, I totally understand and empathize. The bride and groom should be the ones to make these decisions, not everyone else. Congratulations, and best wishes in your life together!

  25. ThriftoRama Says:

    Run off and get married with a small group of people important to you, then just have a barbecue or a reception at home when you get back.

  26. scfr Says:

    Well, I hope you enjoy the .... hmmm??? tattoos? unconventional body piercings??? Whatever it is, glad you have something in mind!

  27. Breton Wench Says:

    Good for you !!
    Hmmmmm.....Twelve years ago -My mother made my dress; I baked the cake and the tent was in a neighbours field, decorated with flowers from my parents garden; My husband-to-be borrowed a suit from one of my brothers and I wore ivy twined in my hair that had been plucked from the house five minutes before and we had less than 80 guests of just close friends and family - it was a GREAT wedding!

  28. SicilyYoder Says:

    Congratulations!! I wish you many happy years together!

  29. Looking Forward Says:

    Great news!
    We had a tiny wedding. Just me, DH, my BFF (witness) the preacher and his dog on the shore of Lake Tahoe. It was great and it was CHEAP! Big Grin

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