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could this be a learning curve???

April 6th, 2010 at 12:07 am

(rant ahead - however, it is financially related)

People frustrate me. Especially my mother. Which I'm sure most of you are already aware of. And I'm sure a portion of you are probably frustrated with your own parents too.

As I previously mentioned, my mother and stepfather decided to separate, and my mother moved out with my little brother and sister. They are still friends. I think when my brother and sister are older and have moved out, my mother and stepfather will get back together. We'll see. DF and I had lunch with him last week, and he seems a lot happier and less stressed. I don't think it's anyones fault, but I know that my stepdad had already raised his children and they had left the nest, then when he was finally getting excited about having 'me-time', along comes my mother with a 4, 5 & 12 year old...

Coupled with the fact that my stepfather, FINALLY, after 11 years, decided he'd had enough of my mothers drinking. The ultimatum was: stop drinking, or it's over.

Along with guidance of a friend who, shall we put it lightly, likes a drink and a joint, doesn't work, relies on government handouts and is always short of money and up to the neck in drama, my mother apparently chose the drink. Frown

So my mother seemed to think this was an amazing opportunity, and that she would be free to do whatever she wanted, have more money (she believed she didn't get paid enough from the family business), and that my brother and sister would behave better (my stepdad was very strict - whereas most of the time my mother is too tanked to know what we were all up to).

So within the first two weeks of living in her new place, she has first called me two days after payday to get me to do an advance on the next weeks pay, and realised that whatever she earns from her work will be deducted from her government payments. My little sister was apparently caught shoplifting with friends. My brother talked my mum into getting some superfast internet plan 'for homework' and my mother called me for another advance so that my brother could buy some clothes for a job interview. She gave him $90 which he spent on a pair of pants, a shirt and lunch with his friends. He was meant to buy shoes but he didn't 'have enough' - even though both me, DF and my stepdad all told my mother to take him to the second hand clothing store and buy him a nice shirt from there, for about $5. She said No, he needed 'good quality' clothes. Even when DF argued with her that he buys Ralph Lauren, Jag, Blaq etc shirts from the second hand stores, she still said No.

And this morning again she was complaining to me about the fact that after rent she will only have XX amout of dollars.

Finally I snapped and said 'Look, mum. After DF and I pay all our bills and mortgage, buy food for the dogs and pay for their flea and worming treatments, buy groceries, pay insurance, buy petrol etc etc, we don't have much left over either. No one does, don't you get it? You're not the only one that's skint. But you walk around blind to the money you spend, you won't even sit down and work out a spending plan, or record what you spend each day. So stop whining at me.'

I'm just so sick of hearing about how 'bad' her situation is. She has money to pay bills and rent and buy food, so she's a lot better off than some other people. She's in this situation because she put herself there, even though she blames everyone else. Argh!

10 Responses to “could this be a learning curve???”

  1. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:

    I think I now understand why you seem to be so wise from such a young age. You must have been "the adult" in the family since about age 7. No fair!

  2. frugaltexan75 Says:


  3. MonkeyMama Says:

    All I can say is, (HUGS)

  4. patientsaver Says:

    Maybe you should stop being the family "banker," giving your mother advances. That's just enabling her to continue her foolish spending ways.

    As for the alcohol, if she has a drinking problem, she can't "choose" alcohol over her marriage. It's an addiction, and she needs help.

  5. Jane Doe Says:

    That situation is tough. We have a relative with similar financial tendencies, and the most alarming part is how her child, now a teenager, picked up the "poor me" victim mentality when it comes to money. For example, she complains that they are poor and it is so unfair that her cousins are better off, when really her mother makes an average American middle class salary AND gets generous child support. Her mother never tells her "no," so she will complain about being poor like it is some sort of random curse from the universe that has nothing to do with decision-making, meanwhile she is dressed head to toe in new expensive name brand clothing and takes several fancy vacations a year. It never registers that nobody else in the family lives that way because they pay bills and save for college/retirement first. I would hate for you to see your younger siblings pick up the same attitude toward money from your mother- maybe when they start working you could take them aside and show them how you budget and save for things?
    Wishing you the best!

  6. dmontngrey Says:

    All I can tell you is that you are not alone. My mother doesn't have a drinking problem, but she has NO concept of money whatsoever. If left unsupervised with her finances, she is a DISASTER. She has this warped entitlement mentality that the world owes her something. Huh?? NO money comes out of my pocket for her anymore. NONE. I will share some of my coupon deals with her - stuff I know she uses and I can get for free or close to. Anyways, I do sympathize. There's no easy answer here and it's a shame there are still children at home that are greatly affected by this.

  7. whitestripe Says:

    thanks for the comments guys. i just needed to vent Big Grin and it's nice to be able to with some likeminded people.

    patientsaver, they aren't married, but they've been living together for 10 years. i call him my stepdad because for the last 10 years he has been there, however strict, for me and my brother and sister.
    it just got too much for him. i had mentioned to him on several occasions that he had to start putting himself first, even if it meant ending things, and that I would never hold it against him. he was starting to get health problems from the stress (shingles) and I think it's the best thing for him. I know it sounds horrible to not side with my mother on this, but she could have steered things in a different direction, she just chose not to.

  8. gamecock43 Says:

    wow i am impressed! i want to tell many people exactly that but have never had the nerve. Sadly I dont think she was looking for advice, so she wont listen to you.

  9. IamTina Says:

    The poor me attitude? My mom has one but not about money just her and how they are not perfect. I can feel your frustration here but you are lucky not to be living with her. At least, you can ignore her... xP I have to tolerate my mother till September.

  10. IamTina Says:

    I mean her family**

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