I know this is not financial, but it is really frustrating me and I have to get it out somewhere. And I know a lot of you are parents, and a few of you are step-parents, so I hope I can get either some insight or understanding on this matter.

To be honest, this issue does not even concern me. The only way it relates to me is that it is about a friend - and it is annoying me. So I realise I should stick my nose elsewhere - but that is exactly what I'm doing - I'm sticking it here!

Anyway.

So, I have this friend (the same one I mentioned that has an addiction to gambling and racked up $2k on her credit card doing so). Let's call her E.

E has been with her partner N for nearly 3 years. They have two boys together, a 2 year old and 8 month old. N has an 11 year old son from a previous relationhip. The 11yo lives with his mother and visits E & N on some weekends and some holidays.

E does not like the 11yo boy. I guess it probably stems from the 11yo not initially warming to her. She is not nice to him, doesn't include him in things with the other two boys etc etc.

Obviously this has gotten back to the mother of the 11yo and she is not happy about the situation. It has caused strain on the relationship between the two exes and strain between N and E, as N does not like the way E treats his son either.

The 11yo forgets things sometimes, and leaves them at N & E's house. The mother of 11yo gets annoyed at this and has told him if he keeps forgetting things he won't be allowed to visit his father and will have to do day-trips, as they live far apart and it is a hassle to retrieve the things he forgets. N offered to post any items his son forgets, so that it doesn't cause the mother hassle and he still gets to see his son.
In light of this knowledge, E now HIDES things that 11yo forgets, in the hopes that he gets in trouble so he doesn't visit.

Apparently this has all been going on for quite a while, and a mutual friend just told me the other day that the mother of 11yo (so - N's ex) sent E an email. In it she suggested they meet face to face as they never have before, sort out their differences so that 11yo can have a good relationship with his father. She went on to say that she is unhappy with the way that E treats her son, and that he should not be excluded the way he is, that E should behave like an adult and accept that 11yo is a part of her family. She also said that she thinks E might have postnatal depression and that she would really like to help her out with any issues she might be facing. She then said if this cannot be worked out then for the well being of her son she will be forced to stop N seeing his son, as E's negative attitude towards him is affecting his self-esteem.

E's reaction to this email, she sent in a text message to our mutual friend, was that 'how dare she speak to me like that and tell me what I am thinking. Post natal depression, what a load of rubbish. I am NOT meeting with her, and her son is NOT a part of my family so why should I treat him like it? And really, it's no bother to me if 11yo never visits again anyway, so why do I care?'
To make matters worse, the father, N, has no idea any of this is going on. He probably only sees the tip of the iceberg, when E excludes his son in front of his eyes - and he does pick E up on it when he sees it. So he thinks he is putting a stop to it, but in fact it is so far from the truth.


----------------------------

Is it just me, or is this friend of mine being a horrible, selfish, insensitive, uncaring b****?
The sad thing is that she doesn't know I know any of the latest developments, and I know that she won't talk about it with me because we don't really talk about subjects like that - we are not really close. But I am disappointed because the one person she has chosen to tell, our mutual friend, is one of those types that will never say what is on her mind and will just agree with E to keep the peace.
So, even though we are not close, it still really affects me because I keep thinking about it and feeling sad for that poor little 11 year old boy who is stuck in the middle of all this.

It seems like every couple of weeks I hear something E has done or is doing, and I lose a little bit more respect for her each time. Honestly now, I don't think I could stand to look at her. *sigh*

Why do people do these things? What exactly is going through their minds that makes them think what they're doing is alright?

Lately I have been feeling the pressure to have a baby. It is not something on my mind every day, but I do more often than not get the comment 'oh, so when are you guys going to...?' when we are in large groups, whether it be friends or family.

Funnily enough, it does not occur as regularly (actually - hardly at all) in DF's group of friends - who are the group with the massive amount of babies born this year (7 at last count...). And they are all aged between 28-32.

It mostly seems to be coming from family (which is no surprise) and MY friends - who are all around the same age as me (22). Excuse me? I know that all the studies and news articles are showing that people are having children later in life, but seriously, it does not look like this from my point of view. The only woman I can think of off the top of my head who has left children til a later stage in her life is my stepmother, who had my little sister at 39 - my little sister is now 11.

With all the pressure of 'When are you guys going to give us a niece/nephew/grandchild/great-grandchild?etc etc' or as one of my friends likes to ask rather crudely: 'when are you going to pop one out?' (I don't know why, but that statement makes me want to vomit), I know I have mentioned that DF has asked me a couple of times "When ARE we going to have a baby?" He is worried about being an old dad, worried about the health side of things, worried about timing etc etc. All this has had my mind whirring quite a bit.

On one hand I'd love to have children now - as disappointed as my dad would be to hear this, I really would not have a problem in the world being a SAHM for the next 10 years or so. I know that women are pushed to strive for 'more' than this, and sometimes it feels like an expectation, like a massive weight on my shoulders. I remember mentioning this once to our old flatmate (that I wouldn't mind being a stay at home mum) and GOSH, you could SMELL his contempt in the air. I was quite shocked really. Isn't the point of equality that people can CHOOSE what they want to do?
On the other hand I have the expectation that I'm meant to do something with my life before having children. Which I'm trying not to care too much about, simply because I'm meant to. Also, our financial situation is the biggest factor in our decision on when to have kids. It's aaaallll about the money. So it's a catch 22 really: I have to get a decent paying job to make the money, but I feel tired just thinking about it. At the same time and am annoyed that I have to do one thing to achieve the other, but I don't WANT to. LOL!

Anyway, getting back to my point. So I was feeling not quite stressed out, but rather perplexed at everything surrounding this issue.

So imagine my reaction yesterday, when DF arrived home at 5pm (early for him - normally it is 6pm or later). He got home, dunped his things in the hallway, opened a beer, sat at the table and flicked through some junk mail for 15 minutes while talking about his and my day. He then tinkered on his car for 10 minutes downstairs and played with Jed. After having a shower (leaving his clothes in a pile on the floor which he will probably pick up later in the night when he brushes his teeth) he opened another beer and said "You know, I really don't think I'm ready to have kids yet. I'm too lazy in the afternoons and I can't imagine having to do anything when I get home other than what I've just done, which is sweet F-A."

And then we talked about all the other things which we weren't ready for (finances, taking time off work, house renovations, time, the fact that we still like to party occasionally). So it was not JUST laziness that was the major factor - but you get my drift. I think DF's time, the time he takes for himself, is important to him and he just realised that he wouldn't have that anymore. When he does work full time, he leaves at 6am, gets home at 6pm or later and often has to work 6 days a week. And it's not really laziness that he's worried about - he's worried about not being a proper Dad. He WANTS to be there for his kids, he WANTS to be home in the afternoon and there on the weekends.

I think the pressure of all his friends having children, as well as family pressure (which is always going to be there) and the age issue were really bearing down on him. It was one of those instances where he really just woke up and realised that now is not the best time, and that while some people aren't lucky enough to be able to plan when they start a family, if we are, we should take advantage of that fact.

So that's something neither of us have to think about for a few more years

DF's dads Jack Russell 'T' was pregnant with our dogs pups. It was exciting stuff because that was our whole plan from the beginning.

Anyway so T went into labour on Friday night, but by Saturday morning she had not given birth so we had to take her to the vet. It turns out the first one had gotten stuck she had to have an emergency ceasarean. Within 10 minutes of getting there, the vet had cancelled all of his appointments and had taken T into surgery. (we found out later that he was also going on holiday the next day and had not even packed!!!)

Because DF's dad was not there (he was at work, out of range on his mobile), it was just me and my mum and we had to make a quick decision whether to get her spayed. I took the responsibility of the decision and said yes. Not sure if it was the best decision but there is nothing I can do now. Technically this was just a glitch - she probably would have been fine to have pups in the future - but oh well.

Two hours later we picked her up. The vet bought T out in one hand and two gorgeous little Jack Russell pups in the other. T had three but the one that got stuck didn't make it, which is very sad. She has a boy and a girl - the girl looks like Jed and the boy looks like T The boy had a 50/50 chance of survival when he came out but now he seems to be getting on fine. T is doing great and the vet said that everything worked out much much better than he thought.

DF's dad isn't in a great financial place at the moment so DF and I paid for the surgery. We are getting one of the pups as a friend for Jed. He hasn't met the pups yet but in a few weeks I will take him over there.
I bought the vet and his receptionist two boxes of Belgian Guylian chocolates.

I spent a bit of time at DF's dads place yesterday, T is in the middle of the loungeroom in a box with her pups, she's a wonderful mother Everyone in their house just watch the pups now, nothing seems to be getting done no television, no laundry. Everyone is glued to them hehe. It's pretty cute.

I will post pictures soon!

I've been getting to know a friends' friends over the past two years. They're all very lovely people, albeit on a different wavelength to myself most of the time. The main friend, A, I completely click with - the others, while I love to see them, I can go a few weeks between visits . I think I must just be a little old for my age *shrug*

So, two things have happened recently which just completely shock me, only because it's something that I could never see myself doing, and because I think it's very irresponsible and just... plain crazy, to tell you the truth! I don't know, maybe it's not as bad as I think?

So the first thing to happen is this:

B is a friend of A's. B and her boyfriend own a house one suburb away from mine, she's only three years older that myself. B and I are quite similar in a lot of things (which is probably one reason why I was so shocked to begin with). We've had coffee a few times, and they're going to start trying for a baby next year. B's boyfriend J is a tradesman, he earns good money and she is studying business and event management at university.
So I found out that, B likes to go shopping. That's all good and well, except that she buys up big, obviously feels a litte guilty, and then when she gets home, she draws a line through the price, writes 'special' on it, and then writes a lower price on the tag . I asked A, in shock, does J not notice the money coming out of his and B's bank account. A snorts at me, "Whitestripe" she says "it's J we're talking about". Ummmm... ok?

So if that isn't enough, today A and I have coffee. She's trying to get my advice, because apparently I give good advice (?huh?) about an issue a friend of hers is having. She starts off by telling me she can't tell me. She then tells me the story, but doesn't tell me who it is. Then she tell me who it is. *sigh* Don't you just love gossip?

So, N is also a lovely girl. I've spent more time with her than I have with B. She's actually the girl I went shopping with, the one that has the two boys. (The friend I always go grocery shopping with, is the above friend 'A'). Anyway, so N has a two year old and an 8 month old. N and her partner R (the father of the two boys) have been together for two years (yup!). So apparently before N was with R, she had a major gambling problem. A would get calls from N, who lived a few hours away, crying because she'd just spent all her money at the pokies and had no money to get her car out of the car park. Ah huh. That bad.

So when N got together with R and popped out the kids, she had no time or will to go to the pokies, so this little problem seemed to go away.

Until, someone told her she could gamble online (seriously, who does that?). Well, last night she maxed out a $2k credit card on an american online gambling site.

She hasn't told R, because she's mortified, and because he didn't know about her previous problems.

She told A, and A has no idea what to tell her. My initial reaction was to tell A, to tell N, to stop being a fracking idiot, act responsibly, tell her partner, sort it out and never do it again.

So obviously A wasn't quite taken to that idea.

Here's the best part though. N thinks she can win it back. Apparently she was down to $1900 on the credit card, and she won $2000. She the gambled it all away again. This is all in one night.

N doesn't want to tell R. She's worried about what to do, because she is going to New York in a month, and that is when the credit card statement is due, she is worried R will open it.

R is also a tradesman, makes good money, works more than full time hours. N works one day a week, does online study at university and is home with her two boys.

A is really worried about her friends. I would be too - I am worried, but not like A, because I am not as emotionally involved as A. I have not known them for a long time.

I am afraid I did not give the greatest advice. I have, as most of you know, had a lot of experience with gamblers. Personally it does not hold one ounce of interest for me. I find it stupid and boring. When I was 18 I lost $33 on the pokies and felt empty and deflated, it felt like such an anticlimax. But, I do understand why people become addicted, and I KNOW that some people cannot be taught, cannot be told, cannot be shown. They must learn the hard way. Sometimes they do not learn the hard way, even. Sometimes you can't tell a gambler that it is not worth it, that they won't win, that the odds are against them.
And this is what I told A. Of course, I told her, after that, to tell N to talk to her partner and sort it out.

But honestly - does a rational person spend $2000 on a credit card, on an online gambling site? No. They don't.

And so they probably won't take the rational advice either.

But oh dear, I hope she does. Just this one time. There's a glimmer of hope right? She COULD take the advice. Just this once...?

-----

Maybe my form of gambling is watching other people screw up their finances and then hoping they take my advice so they can fix it? It does have a familiar feeling to it, empty like a spent balloon...

I am going grocery shopping this afternoon with some friends. I made a list yesterday and just realised as I made myself a coffee at work this morning, that I forgot it! ARGH!

How annoying.

So, to help me remember, I'm going to type up my meal plan for the next week:

Wednesday: Grilled Haloumi & Vegetable Skewers
Thursday: Miso Soup with Tofu & Vegetables
Friday: Burgers
Saturday: ? (Takeaway or a BBQ)
Sunday: Pasta
Monday: Carrot, Sweet Potato & Pea Risotto
Tuesday: Romani Gnocchi (Semolina) with salad
Wednesday: Indian Balti Curry

Most of the items I need I already have in the pantry, which is good. I am preparing to be attacked for being 'healthy' this afternoon. (what a laugh! I hardly think we're healthy, I would say we are more 'moderation' eaters)

You see, while one friend is sort of used to my 'unusual' (read: miso, tahini, lentils etc) grocery purchases (she still routinely comments on the weird things I buy and exclaims to the cashier how healthy I am - WHAT?!), I have not yet been grocery shopping with the other friend. I already know that most of the things she buys are prepackaged and 'normal', so I won't be surprised at her purchases, but as I said, I think, no, I KNOW, that she will comment on mine. Not that I care, but I am just preparing for it

I do wonder though, if someone can judge me and make comments on MY purchases, howcome it is deemed rude to say to someone else "Wow, you are so unhealthy."

For example, lentils. Sure, not for all people, I accept that. But someone I know had never even eaten them, bought a packet, cooked them plain, took one bite and told me she could not believe I ate them regularly because they taste like shit.

Well, of course they going to taste a bit bland if you don't cook them properly.

So am I allowed to say to her then, that I can't believe she feeds her children artifically flavoured 'chicken' snacks out of a packet, I mean, do you know how to read? Have you LOOKED at what is in those? Or when she sends her child off to school with a JAM SANDWICH, a packet of teddy bear biscuits and a bottle of cordial for lunch, good manners require me to say nothing to her about the lack of nutritional benefits in that childs lunchbox. I'm a rude SOB if I tell her she may as well give the child a piece of cardboard and a pen lid for their lunch.

*sigh* I don't really know where all that came from. However, having gotten my rant out now, I will not attempt to educate my friend on what is so bad about a pre-made jar of pasta bake sauce

I did an impulsive thing yesterday, which, while I completely do NOT regret, think I probably could have restrained myself from.

I got an email from a friend, it was a 'forwarded' email. This friend sends me a lot of Christian emails - she knows I am not religious so I am not sure why she does this, but I don't ever say anything about them, I just delete them.

Yesterday though, I had to respond. I got an email which was basically a 'Muslim hate' email. I was very confused. On one hand, she sends me pro Christian emails and expects me to be ok, and then she sends me this?

I have several Muslim friends, when the first friend reconverted, I admittedly was a little shocked, but I did my best to understand her. People make choices in their life and this is the choice that she made. Since then I have actually learnt a lot about her religion - while I would never devote my life to ANY religion, I am now more comfortable with her and her choice. At first I made the common assumptions that most people seem to make, and felt like a right moron when I realised the true aspects. The part that all of my friends practice, has NOTHING to do with the common misconceptions of unequal rights to women, terrorism, racism etc etc. And each person I know who practice this religion do NOT judge others for not being a part, nor do they try to convert them - which is very important to me.

Anyway. So, back to my story.

I had to respond to this email. I am hoping I don't tarnish the friendship, as I wrote on impulse:

Please don't send me articles like this, I have several muslim friends and find this deeply offensive.

I don't think I wrote anything too horrible?

-----------------------------------


Recently Watched: The Castle

DF's sister & fiances wedding went well. Their 'real' wedding will be next year, this one was so that their new-born daughter has her mum & dad as married on the birth certificate. Kind of nice. We had a lovely dinner afterwards, of course my mum and her partner ruining it halfway through because my mum had too much to drink. wow, what a surprise. thankfully it was just me and DF at that end of the table, so people knew something was happening but it didn't affect the rest of the table. Of course they turned it back on DF and I as they stormed out to leave, saying it was our fault and that we started it. REALLY PISSES ME OFF. Anyway.

This only strengthens my resolve to ask my mother to NOT drink at my engagement party. People are telling me it's unfair to ask her to do that and not everyone else, but I really could not give a crap. 'Everyone else' doesn't cause a scene every single time. And 'everyone else' are always walking on eggshells when she's around.

So yesterday we printed out the invitations and will send them tomorrow. I only have four invitations that I do not have addresses for. How exciting!

The invitations I ended up getting are notecards with pretty designs on the front, blank inside. Then I just printed out the information and glued it inside. They look good. Simple but good.

We are having a morning tea type of thing, starting at 10am. So then if people are getting hungry (or want to leave) they can go straight to lunch. We're having it at a popular park near a river, lots of amenities. I will post my planned menu later.

DF and I have been talking about an engagement party. Typically I think you're meant to have them just after you announce the engagement, and it's a good idea for us to do that because we're not actually getting married for a few years.
So, my dad and stepmum and little sister are staying with us Sept 25-Oct 2nd. They live 3 hours away by plane so it's a big deal, I only see them once a year.

I was thinking it would be a good idea to have the engagement party while they're here, people expect everyone's parents to be there of course.

So I called my dad yesterday to ask him if that would be ok, as it is their *holiday* after all. He said 'if that's what you guys would like to do we would be happy to.' I guess that is the best reaction I could get. I really did stress that if they felt the teeniest bit uncomfortable we could have a quieter dinner while they are here with just a few people, and have the engagement party another time with a whole heap of people.

It is just, I know my dad and them want nothing to do with my mum and her partner. Things weren't exactly amicable, and I understand that.
And I will have to ask my mum to NOT drink a single drop. So there's a possibility that she will get all stubborn and refuse to come anyway. And you know the horrible thing? There's a part of me that actually wants her to not come. *ALL* of our friends avoid her, she has given my DF's auntie a hard time over nothing once (and now thinks she's the devil - when the Auntie did nothing at all) and I just feel tense imagining my dad there. Also my mum's partner is one of those 'take sides before you even know the other side of the story' types - hates my dad because of the things my mum told him which mostly are in her head anyway (I suppose that is normal in a divorce anyway, but it just gets to me).

Anyway. Then there's the whole thing of planning it, I want to have it on a Sunday mid-morning, so it sends the message that it's a casual event, not an actual 'party'. DF suggested a morning tea type of thing, and I had the idea of hiring one of those mobile coffee carts. Anyone ever had one of those? How much do they cost?
I would make most of the stuff at work and then we would not have to ask people to bring anything. We would have cupcakes, quiches, sandwhiches, maybe some mini custard tarts or something, scones, slices of cake etc. Sort of like a high tea?
None of our friends have ever had an engagement party like that, so it would be rather different. We'd have it at a park.

So anyway, I just really don't know what to do. My dad's reaction was neutral, which is the best I could hope for I guess. I have the difficult task of asking my mum nicely not to drink. I got angry and upset last night and cried to DF because I thought to myself 'Why the **** should I even have to ASK this kind of thing? And why should I walk on eggshells around it? It's not MY ******* problem!'

Anyway. What would you do? I am sure my dad would be happy to have a nice dinner with maybe my DF's mum, grandparents, DF's sister and a couple of our friends. But then again I just don't think it's right to have an engagement party without your dad there.
We would invite around 50 people. There would be others that they could talk to, I just don't know what will happen.

Not a great deal happening on my end, but I thought I would write a quick update anyway.

I went to the accountants (work related) yesterday and while I was in the CBD I went to get Jed a toy DF and I had been talking about (it's a dumbell shaped toy that 'giggles' when it is moved - it's weird but we thought it was cute).

Well I 'accidently' stumbled into some other shops and bought: some tracksuit pants, a cardigan, a short sleeved vest and a singlet, as well as a book... I'm happy about all the items, and the prices too. I am still within my allowance for this WEEK, which is amazing considering the cost of clothes lately, and my 'allowance' which is only $60 a week!

I FINALLY called my dad and told him the good news about our engagement. My stepmum and sister also told us congratulations. I am looking forward to them visiting in a bit over a month. Now they want to know what to get us for our engagement present, I am really a shocker when it comes to suggesting presents, my mind just goes blank.

It's POSSIBLE that the guy might not be moving in to our house now. Whew. He might be moving in with DF's dad (and partner, and two kids, and two dogs...) I feel kind of bad when I look at it like that It is just the two of us and we have two spare rooms - and DF's dad is working his bum off trying to build in a room underneath his house (he's in the process of renovating - has been for YEARS) so his cousin can stay there.

*sigh* I just can't imagine dealing very well with living with someone again, that I don't know.

Today I spent $3 on a drink.

We went out last night for dinner. The food was delicious. We have never dined in there, only had takeaways (which are always good, too!). We walked, it took us about 20 minutes. All up the food cost $41.50, and DF and his mum went halves in a bottle of wine ($12).

It's my birthday in a month. I would like to have a dinner out at a restaurant, but am a bit afraid of offending some people if I don't ask them. See, I have gotten to know a friends other friends pretty well, so they would expect me to ask them. They are all lovely girls, but it is as if they don't know how to behave when out in public.

I am YOUNGER than them (I'm 21 turning 22, they are 24-25), but when I go to a nice restaurant, I am concious of the other diners. DF's friends (28-32 years old) are concious of their surroundings too. I have no problem inviting every single one of DF's friends (who are, of course, my friends too). But these other girls, they talk loudly, about inappropriate topics (in a family restaurant), they swear, I have even had the pleasure of being out in a restaurant with them when they have started taking photographs of each others cleavage, and making it obvious.

It might be alright in a pub (possibly - I wouldn't do that kind of thing though) but I just feel very uncomfortable being around them in that kind of situation. But I don't want to offend them either. I don't know them well enough to tell them to stop, it's not as if they're children either, so it's not my place to tell them, even if I did know them well.

Am I being a prude, is this the kind of behaviour expected from people in their mid 20's? They're not 'trash' types. They're normally fine to be around, it just seems when they get together they revert to being 16 years old, at school. Or something.

Anyway. I guess I could just have a dinner without telling any of them. *sigh*

This week at work (at the bakery) one of the juniors (who usually works on the weekend) is doing work experience with us out the back in the kitchen. Now this girl has worked with us for a while, and she annoyed the CRAP out of me when I worked on Saturdays a couple of years ago. She is still in high school, and before even speaking to her you can tell she has that 'I don't care, I'm so good, I know everything' attitude.

So I was really dreading this week, even though I am only working three days.

BUT!

It has been awhile since I've seen her, and it appears she has gone through a major personality change. She was previously very lazy, wouldn't do something even if you specifically asked her to do it. But today, she did the worst jobs and kept smiling. She did things the previous apprentice wouldn't THINK to do after working there for several months (like wiping the sink down after doing a load of dishes). She did jobs properly AND fast. AND she isn't getting paid either. It was amazing! It was actually a pleasure to have her help me all day.

So I think I will tell her that she's been wonderful. I just don't want to sound like I am a gushing idiot though. What should I say?

She didn't have to get induced. Their daughter was born 15/7/09 weighing 6 pounds 14 ounces, 51 cm long. Her labour was 12 hours long and we are going to see her tomorrow.

I know that personally, and for a lot of other people too, their relationship with food can be closely tied with their relationship with money.

I know I am strict with money (in an organisational way) because when I was raised, my parents, well, my mother particularly, was very strict with food. When I grew up and started doing things for myself, I knew I didn't want to have the relationship with food that my mother has. So it carried onto money instead. While a lot of people would say I'm pretty relaxed with spending, I still suffer a lot of guilt over spending on certain things.
It is the same with food. My mother, for so many years, ingrained in us what foods were good and what were bad. And it's not the ordindary good and bad. Even today it's hard for me to eat those foods without feeling guilt - and my parents (mother and stepfather) eat them now too. I wonder if parents ever think about their actions, even the very very small actions, and wonder if years down the track that small thing is going to make such an impact on their small childs life.

So you're probably wondering, what were the bad foods? Well, here's a few: anything with sugar (except in my mums coffee - of course), dried fruit and fresh fruit together (separately they were ok), soy, black pepper, wheat, corn, potatoes (for a short while), yeast, anything with aspartame, anything artificially sweetened or flavoured etc.

*sigh*

So on my dads side, everything in moderation is fine. My dad, personally, is medically diagnosed ceoliac, but he doesn't think gluten or wheat is 'evil' more that he can't eat it. It's interesting how different my mother and father are. I wonder sometimes how different it would have been had I grown up more around my dad.

So I grew up with a weird mentality towards food. Of course I gorged myself on junk food at school so we have that whole 'binge - deny - excess - deprivation' thing going on there too, and that's where the money thing comes in because once I started working, I was able to treat myself, and where to start but with food, eh? And so then I felt guilty because I was spending the money I earnt, well, a lot of it, on food I wasn't supposed to be eating!

DF struggles too. He also grew up with the whole 'wheat is bad' thing. So we're a couple of basket-cases when it comes to food. And considering I work at a bakery and get bread for free, you start to get an idea of how mixed up we both feel sometimes.

So while on one hand I try to live a life where I tell myself that I am alright if the majority of my food is fresh and free of preservatives and additives - but on the other hand there is this whole mix up of what is good and bad. And I am starting to realise that the control my mother had over food, has been pushed to my finances. I guess that is an element I will always have in my life; that a certain part of it must alway be 'under control'.

DF and I, as we grow up and together, are realising that our parents aren't always right. Isn't it just the saddest and most confusing thing when you start realising these things? I think the first time that happened to me I was about 13. And I mean hey, even you guys can see my mother doesn't have it all figured out. Sure, she may eat organic this and no-sugar that, but it doesn't cancel out the damage all that alcohol is doing to her system!

So atleast I recognise this and can make sure there aren't any excessive binges in the financial department. I just need to concentrate on allowing myself to enjoy certain purchases (magazines, coffee, books, clothes) without feeling excessive guilt over the items in question. It is why I constantly have to remind myself that we are on this earth for a lifetime, and we must enjoy that lifetime. Not irresponsibly enjoy it, but not deprive oneself either. And to always focus on the bigger picture.

So, for five days we are looking after my mum and DF's dad's dogs. A maltese and another Jack Russell. They bark occasionally - which is annoying, yes, I understand that.

We picked them up yesterday and when we go out we put them on the verandah because we're worried they'll escape.

Today we went to the markets. When we got home, there was water dripping from the roof of our verandah, water all over our outdoor table and chairs, water all over the floor and the dogs blankets.

It had come from the direction of our neighbours, the dogs had obviously been barking and the neighbour had sprayed them with a hose.

We might be over reacting, but I just think that is plain RUDE.

They (the dogs) have not even been here 24 hours. Jed does not bark so I know it has not been a long-coming thing. They have NEVER talked to us before (the neighbours), and they did not bother to come and say anything about it, they just decided to spray our property, our dogs, our house, our possessions, with water.

I don't know what to do. DF and I got home and went on the balcony and DF's reaction was to say very loudly, 'WTF?!'.

We then a few minutes later saw their car leave.

So I am inclined to write a note, to ask them to come and discuss any issues with us they may have, but I don't like confrontation so I don't even want to do that.

DF wants to wait and talk to them face to face. He is calm in confrontations but I don't know what the others are like - we own this property - I don't want to have to deal with dickhead neighbours for the next 5-10 years.

In the meantime, DF's response is to play Rammstein very loudly in the shed.

The sad thing is that we both thought they were cool neighbours til now. I feel cheated and disappointed. The guy is an older man, he has planted lots of native trees on our hillside when the camphorlorals were cut down and poisoned (a pest tree). We hear him playing the banjo sometimes. CORRECTION: i just found out this neighbour is not the one that planted the trees, but is the one that plays the banjo. lol.

ARGH! I'm just so annoyed! Why the *%$# do people have to be so pigheaded!!! It's an animal for gods sake, and they've not been there for more than a day!!!

Today my older sister called - she lives in the city so I don't get to see her often. She is going to the UK very soon on a holiday. Because our mum was born in Wales we are able to get an ancestral visa, allowing us to work and live in the UK and EU for 4 years, and then we can apply for residency.
All my sister needs for this is a copy of my mums Birth Certificate, signed by a Justice of the Peace. All easy to do, you would think, on my mums part. Something you think a mother would gladly do for her daughter, right?

Wrong.

At first, she said yes. She even copied the documents and everything.

But all of a sudden, she changed her mind (I did not know this - I thought she had sent them). She sent my sister a text message that said, she had thought about it and decided not to do it for my sister, as my sister is not a seasoned traveler (whatever the F that means). She does not believe that my sister 'deserves' this.

I am SO f&!@#ing angry right now. How is that our mothers decision, how is that her right, to say that her daughter doesnt DESERVE to live in the UK for 4 years???

Of course, that is my mother for you. When you need something from her, she is manipulative and controlling. And she makes such a big deal out of what she is doing for you. I just can't believe hwo much of a control-freak she is being.

Long story short, my sister rang me and told me all that, and that she has told our mum that she no longer wants anything to do with her, atleast for a while. My sister told me she, at this moment, feels she would like to not talk to our mother for at least ten years. Some of you know some of my previous stories about my mother, so you can probably understand that I agree with my sister 100%. It's so hard to explain, but I can't put into words how much of a piece of work my mother is.

Oh, and my younger brother and sister, 14 and 15 years old, who live at home still, are not allowed contact with my older sister now. I find it completely ridiculous. My mother raves on and on about 'segregation of family' and how people 'disrespect her', and yet, she is the one that segregates everyone, and can you really blame any of us for disrespecting her???

*SIGH*

My poor sister, she only has bought her ticket to france and is now saving her spending money. She was relying on this working visa, she will only have $4000 in spending money.

ARGHHH.

because that will have about the same impact as my constant lecture-type talking-tos I have been giving to the parents regarding their financial position. ARGH! I have not been this angry in a while.

(warning: rant)

It's a long running saga that a lot of you already know. I am not going to recount the whole story, only that my mum and her partner own a flooring business (DF also works there as the main tradesman). They are absolutely TERRIBLE with money. My mum has been terrible for ever with money, never having enough, I remember her borrowing money from ME, when I was 13, for groceries. Her partner has always believed he 'deserves' things, and thinks nothing of having massive debt. He banks everything on the fact that in a few years he will sell his house in the suburbs (yes, it is worth something, even in these times) buy a block of land in a cheap as chips area, build a house (he is a builder) and live self-sufficiently with my mum for the rest of their years. He doesn't take into account that if his debt equals what his house is worth ... there's no money left!

Anyway.
So it is a revolving door with money for their business (it is not a company), mostly the bills get paid, but they are so far behind that we are relying on jobs just completed to pay for bills one to two months old - there is no cash flow buffer, even though I have tried very hard to build one up, it just doesn't happen because, oh, they need a holiday, oh, they're buying a new car, oh, they need to buy this or that or whatever.

So, it has come to the point now, where even though I have literally been saying this for months, there is now no money to pay the bills. This week we are lucky in the fact that there are only a couple of bills due: $2072, $15.40 and $6.04 as well as the credit card $4333. But OH! There is only $32XX in the account, I find this morning. I get in a shitty foul mood and my mum runs around saying 'oh there's a cheque here for $1310, oh I guess we could call customer X and get them to pay, oh and there's that other customer Y who is three months overdue'. She then leaves for her acupuncture session ($100+ a pop, once a week), telling me 'oh, we are making a $50 donation to X charity'.

*sigh*

She doesn't seem to get that it's not going to make a difference really. Next week there are going to be more bills to pay. The week after that, more. It's all these little things that keep adding up, even though they say 'we are not spending money' they still do it. They don't seem to listen when I say 'don't spend ANY money except on-job costs'. Why is that so hard to understand?

Sorry, end of rant.

So, as some of you will have read in my last post, I called two jewellers that I had heard good things about.

The first, quoted an approximate price of $1800 for the band, plus the gem price.

The second asked me to go in and look.

Yesterday a friend took me to a place she had heard about. They go to Thailand to buy their gems, and while they are reasonably priced, this is my issue with them:
The gems originally come from the gemfields IN AUSTRALIA, are sent to Thailand to be cut & polished (and I am assuming, sometimes treated). Then these buyers go from Australia to Thailand, to bring them back to Australia.
So, I really don't like outsourcing like that.
Also, they do not come with a certificate. They guy tried to lead us to believe that, if you're spending 'only $200' on a gem (which would be $500 in a jewellery store) you don't need a certificate. He said, as long as you like it, what's the big deal.
And I do agree with that. BUT I do not want to make someone else rich because they fooled me. I would rather pay $50 for a treated gem, and know it's a treated gem, than pay $200 for a treated gem that I have been led to believe is natural and untreated. I just believe in honesty. Is that so bad?

Does that make any sense? Or am I just being picky?

So, today in my lunch hour I went to the second shop I called.
The woman was quite helpful at the start. She even pulled out a band that had already been made, but someone had decided not to buy it. It was beautiful, very elegant and simple, in white gold.

I asked about the gems and she showed me some that are from the Australian gem fields. She asked why I wanted Australian only - and I told her 'oh, I just like to... you know, keep the money in the Australian economy...'
WHY did I say that? *sigh*
Is it really such a big deal that I do not want to buy anything that may have come out of conflict? I get people rolling their eyes at me. Like I should just not care where they come from. I am going to be looking at it every day for the rest of my life, it is meant to be a symbol of love, why would I want that symbol to make me sick to my stomach every time I look at it?
Is that too hard to understand?

So anyway, back to the story:

So I asked the lady a round about price for the ring, including the gem I had taken a liking to. She said it would be around $1800, because the ring was already made, and that is priced on 'old gold' prices, whatever that means. So we are getting somewhere. First shop, $1800 for the band. Second shop, $1800 all up.
I also get a 10 year warranty and lifetime service & cleaning on the ring, as well as having all the appropriate valuations and certificates, for both the ring and the gem.

You know, it is funny. As soon as she gave me the price and showed me some more stones, it seemed she either got bored of me, or decided that if I wasn't going to buy anything right then and there, she must latch onto someone who potentially would. And it is a shame, because everything was going great until she gave me the price (and I had a GOOD reaction to the price) and then all of a sudden her attention was on someone else who had walked in the door (even though she was sitting down with me) and then another worker of the shop. So I don't know, it's possible I mis read the situation, but I was trying to tell her when I would call, but she didn't seem to hear me, so I just took a card. Maybe it's something to do with the economy and sales? People giving up before they've done the full pitch now? I don't know. It was interesting. I am trying to not take much offense to it, they have a good reputation after all.

---------------------------

The next thing I need to consider is, in August there is a Gem Festival. It is about 11 hours drive from where we live. So, I could potentially source my own gem. But, it would be over two months before I even get it, let alone get the ring made.

And then I have to factor in the cost of driving there, staying over night, and then driving home. My friend has already offered to go with me (she is actually more excited than I am about this whole thing - it's odd - or maybe I am just the odd one). And then I got home and DF said he would go too.

But now I just dont know if I want to wait that long!

*sigh*

Anyway, sorry about my rambling. I am trying to get things sorted in my head, and it ends up being about as clear as mud in the end anyway. Blah!

So, I have begun the hunt for an engagement ring.

I've left it rather last minute seeing as we had an idea last week to announce the engagement at our housewarming party. I know it's possible, but I don't want to really announce it without a ring. It's a bit of an anti-climax.

And yes, I know we've both been slack. I just didn't know where to start, so I never actually started...

And yes, I also know that the boy is meant to go and get it and bring it to me, but we are really not very traditional in that sense. I think he would rather leave it to me so he doesn't have to worry about it. He will come with me to get it and try it on, but I already know he doesn't have time during the week to do anything other than work. And while they have work, they should be working! Especially in 'these times'.

So I have called two jewellers who I have heard good things about, and am already over it. $1800 for a plain band? not including the gem?

*sigh*

To be honest, the lady that quoted me that price was super helpful, and explained the differences between cast and handmade etc.
I am going to go in and have a look at the second place, as they have a wide range that are already made, and they said they have quite a few with sapphires. (what I am after)

Any tips?

do you ever have times when you realise something, too late, and then you get that unmistakeable feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach? and it won't move?

well I currently have that.

The past few days I have sent out batches of invitations to our housewarming party, which is on May 30th.

Yesterday I was talking to my friend T, about a friend of hers, A, who I don't particularly like, but had made up an invitation for anyway. I had given T the invitations to give to a few people, and she had A's. T told me I was silly to invite A if I didn't want to, but I didn't want to be rude. In the end, T returned it to me and I decided not to invite A.

While I was talking to T on the phone, DF mouthed at me if I had invited friends of ours, J & M. I had completely forgotten about them, so I quickly made up an invitation and posted it this morning.

I asked DF to call a few people that aren't on facebook to get their addresses. He called them today. While talking to one of his friends, C, he found out that J & M had broken up! Four weeks ago!

I feel terrible. We don't see them a lot, and they have been together for a few years. DF went to school with J.

Four WEEKS ago!

Anyway. There is nothing I can do about the invitation now, but I can just imagine that it would be such a blow to M, as it is her house it will be going to.

Maybe it was some kind of spooky sign that I forgot them at the start? I just can't believe I sent it this morning to them, and found out this afternoon about the break up!

ARRGH!

So DF is going to call J tomorrow and explain.

---------------------------------------

While on the topic of the housewarming party, these are my planned nibblies to supply:

- 20x mini cupcakes
- 20x mini quiches
- 20x mini sausage rolls
- 20x mini spinach & feta rolls
- assorted sandwich triangles (filling ideas anyone???)
- assorted mini barbecued kebab sticks (i was thinking: haloumi or beef cubes with capsicum, asparagus and/or mushroom)
- Assorted Dips, Chips & Bread Sticks

Any other ideas, anyone? Help me!
I have sent out 20 invitations (most to couples), and we are asking another 10 or so people by phone, so I expect approximately 30-40 people.

They will be bringing their own drinks, and I have clearly stated that fingerfood will be provided (not meals!) though I would like enough food so that people don't go hungry, also as there will be a few kids and pregnant women there too.

So any advice, ideas and recipes would be great!

BTW, I am making the cupcakes, quiches, sausage/spinach rolls at work so I will get them for a cheap price.

Thanks in advance!

Well, I am working at home today. I much prefer it. I don't feel so on edge, wondering if my mum is going to crack open a beer at some ridiculous hour (yes, while working!) and wondering how to deal with that (ignore it? or say something? it's a home office). And I am not wondering if my mum's partner is going to come in between quotes and start a 'discussion' about one thing or another, which will then tangent into twelve other subjects, including my father, my past, my mum's past, my younger brother and sisters behaviour, my relationship, their relationship, my DF's work future opportunities, our newly purchased house etc etc.
So, while I don't have to deal with THOSE issues, I still have to deal with the fact that they are still spending money they don't have, on things they don't need, and having an 'I don't care, let's get another loan' attitude.
And while this week is very different to other weeks financially, because there is VERY little money left in their accounts. Usually there is money from jobs rolling in, and money rolling out, but it always APPEARS that there is money in there. So when I say 'We have no money' they think I'm joking or something, because there's 50k in there. What on earth do you mean, no money?
So there's under $2k in there now, so I think this may be the kick in the pants that has been long coming. I have no idea what they think they're going to do. I am sure a payment for a job will swoop in and save the day, and seeing as work has picked up again for the boys, it will continue to drip in again, and the whole cycle will repeat itself.
*sigh*
Well, I am becoming more detached from the situation as the days pass. It is now just a job for me. I get paid $18 an hour to pay bills, record reciepts, do the taxes, pay the credit card, juggle money, chase up unpaid money, pay the wages and superannuation, send out group certificates, meet licensing requirements and meet with the accountant every year. This is my job - it will last as long as they can afford me. I feel as though I have hardly any other connection with it any more.

Sorry for my rant, I had to get it out so now I can start work with a fresh mind. Atleast it's financially related!

First of all, an achievement: I realised today, as I filled my 2L water bottle from our kitchen tap, that I have not bought bottled water for ... a long time. I cannot remember the last time I bought bottled water. I would say it has been well over a month. Maybe two?
A plus to this is, our tap water actually tastes good at our new house! Even DF's sister noticed, as when we were sharing at our last house, she would buy her water as she didn't like the tap water there. It did not bother me that much that I had to buy it, but it did taste rather... tap-water-ish. But here, now, it tastes like filtered tank water. So DF and I have only discussed a few times the need to purchase a filter of some kind. It is kind of one of those things that is at the back of the list.

The youngest apprentice at work buys a bottle of water every day. It is a 1L bottle that costs $2.50. Multiply that by 5, and that's $12.50 she spends, every week. Which is $650 a year. Which might not be that much if you earnt a reasonable wage, but being an apprentice, I know she earns $220 a week. *sigh* sometimes I wish I could shake people...

-----------------------------------------

I am beginning to plan to make a herb garden, and a lettuce garden. I have read that you should plant flowers with lettuce so as to deter and confuse pests. So I might look into that too. I have been reading the gardning book that we were given as a housewarming present - and am a little overwhelmed. I have decided it would be in my best interests to formulate a table so as to figure out where to plant which herbs. Some need full sun, others need morning sun, some need drainage (coriander), some need wet roots (mint), plus I have to figure out the ones I need to plant now, seeing as it is becoming winter, and the ones I will have to plan to start in September, at the start of spring etc etc. Eek! At the moment it's all tumbled around in my head, so I think writing a list will be helpful. DF has it in his head I am going to fail (ok, my history with plants is really not that great) and that I am taking on too much work. This is when I had all these vast goals of making a huge vege patch. My response? 'I'll show YOU!'
Unfortunately, I agree somewhat with him. It's quite possible this venture could fail in epic proportions. My balloon has deflated to the herb garden size - so fingers crossed if this goes without a hitch, I may start a small plot with tomatoes and carrots as well.

I would feel the happiness of a zen master if I was able to grow my own salad, let me tell you.
I will do my best. You will see many photos on this blog of my efforts.

------------------------------------------

I had an argument yesterday, that has been ongoing and that a lot of you know about, with my mum and her partner about my mums alcohol consumption. Long story short, I am working at home today (as I usually work at their house in their home-office). I have not actually told them I am working at home, but I was meant to start an hour ago, so I am thinking they have gotten the picture. Either that, or they haven't noticed.

It could be a good thing. It's possible this may be the beginning of the end of my employment there. I have worked there since 2001, and as most of you know, have grown increasingly frustrated with their spending and lack of restraint, and their poor business choices (buying a brand new $42k van, paying an extra 10k in interest, when they could have bought a second hand sedan for under $10k???)

It is interesting though, I am not sure if this is a good thing or not, but I feel no emotion (except small bouts of anger) any more. Through working there, I have had many incidences of sadness and despair - but now I just feel nothing. I just do not care how things turn out for them any more. You cannot help someone who does not help themselves. I have tried, and I still do, but at the same time, I have a clear voice in my head saying 'this is not your problem, this is not your fault, there is not a great deal you can do beyond what you have.'

Is this a good realisation? Or have I been ground down so much by stress and anxiety that I have no feeling left for this part of my life? I don't know. We will see I guess.

-----------------------------------------

I have been practising yoga again (I have done it off and on since I was 11 years old) a few times a week. Perhaps this is another reason for my non-feeling-ness. Maybe I am confusing 'not feeling' with calmness? Is that possible? I never even thought of that until just then. (amazing what blogging does!)
I have been using a yoga DVD. I much prefer doing this than having no one there - as it helps you hold the positions for the right amount of time. I have even fallen into an almost sleep-like relaxation during savasana a few times, even though the lady has been talking the whole time. I was never able to do that when I was younger. Interesting that we change as we get older.
Does anyone else do yoga here?

Tonight I am driving my boss and colleague (also my closest friend) to a Gala Awards Night for the Baking Industry. My boss is up for an award for Best Bakery, and my colleague has won two awards. My boss said he would pay $50 to the person who drove, so I said I would do it, as my car just got serviced (and it will only cost me $20 in petrol).

Here is the thing: my colleague has NO idea that she has won the awards. Every single person at work knows except her. She is one of those people that does not think she is 'worth' anything and also thinks it would be embarrassing to get an award in front of people.

My boss asked me for help to get her to actually go to the award night (tickets cost $70 each but my boss managed to get three for free). So I called her and said 'We're going, I told Boss we would go' and used his nomination as an excuse.

So here's the thing, I am worried she will hate me or atleast be angry with me once she finds out I lied to her! I know that this sounds silly, but our relationship is based a lot on trust.

She has OCD and there are a lot of things that she will not do - and there are things I have to do for her that she would not ask anyone else (like open a can of drink - a small thing but huge at the same time - as she can't open cans due to not having long nails) and there are things I have to reassure her about that she would not trust from other people.

So I know that I did 'stretch the truth' with this award thing - but I hope she can see that I did it in order to get her to accept something she deserves, and that I would not lie to her about something that would affect her 'safety'.

First of all I am seeking some advice:
My dad has put $60 into my account every fortnight for... ever. When I was younger it was $20 a month, but it increased a few years ago.
I don't ask him for anything else ever - this probably stems from when I was young my mum would force me to ask my dad for anything I needed or wanted - so as soon as I started earning my own money I was fiercely independant.
Anyway, back to it. I appreciate the money I get from my dad, but I know I would be alright without it. He and his wife have a 12 year old daughter and they are still paying off a mortgage. I am closing the bank account where he puts the money - so my dilemma is: how do I word this?
I was thinking of writing an email (which is how we normally communicate) and saying, that I am closing the bank account, and that while I appreciate the allowance he gives me, and every time I see it deposited in my bank I do think of him, but that now is a time where I would be happy if he would like to use this money for my little sister (this is not the one that was sent to the grandparents - this is the complete other side of the family), or for their mortgage (they are good with money - the only thing I berate them with is that they don't pay extra! argh! and they only bought their house for $87k 10 years ago!). But that I would be happy to give him my bank details anyway for emergencies. And then I would ask how he felt about this.

So I was wondering how that sounded? I know there are LOTS of parents on here, and I thought I could get your input.

I have been thinking about it for ages. As I have said, I appreciate the money. And I also think it's crass to say 'dad, my new bank details are...'. And I also realise that I will be alright without the money. And I would prefer, in my heart, that they use it for themselves as well. I still get money for my birthday and christmas. They even give us money for DF's birthday!

So, any advice is welcome. Thankyou for taking the time to read!

Onto other updates:

I checked my old bank account today and the $900 stimulus has gone in (insert happy dance here).

The only thing I want to buy this week is a new pair of black heels. I do HAVE a pair, I just don't know where they are... and I need them by Saturday. Also, my feet go numb in them. Which is a good thing, considering otherwise they could be quite painful (I wouldn't know!) but I can't help thinking of the long term effects...

Not to say the new pair will be any different. I have accepted the fact that I do LOVE the look of gorgeous heels, but I that am much more of a ballet flat girl. But I have been reading lately that they are just as bad. *sigh* what am I supposed to do? wear joggers all the time? crocs? puh-lease!

I think I may wait a little while before I spend any more of it. No doubt everyone would have jacked up the prices because of it (or... won't have any good specials on). Also, DF just bought a new engine for his car, at the tune of $1920! But hopefully he and his BIL can just put it in, in one day, and DF will actually have a car of his own again.

I am also getting my car serviced today. It's car stuff all around. I am getting the brake pads and rotors done, I am guessing it will be around $500-$600 including the normal service as well. But I am praying that there is nothing else that needs to be done either. The mechanic is quite good, I have always gone there by myself and he has never tried to say 'oh, I had to do this' as all the horror stories go. With the brakes, he just did my normal service and said 'If I were you I would do these soon'. So I am very happy with him.

So there is a lot of money going OUT of the account at the moment, and not a great deal coming in (DF hasn't had a lot of work this week, and I have been sick a day and had two days off from public holidays). So the stimulus money ($900 for me and $900 for DF) will help keep it up at a normal level for a little while until we start earning a bit more again.

Come to think of it, I have been the main earner since we moved in to our new house. DF worked one day last week, so he only earnt $200. And consistently, the whole time we've been paying the mortgage, I have earnt more than him. However, that is only because Feb & March are typically slower months for tradesmen, and being a small business DF's dad can't afford to pay for hours that aren't worked. My mum asked me, when I mentioned DF only earnt $200 this week, "oh, how is that going to be for you guys though...?" I replied, "we don't spend more than we have, if it's not there, it's not there."
But, there will be weeks where DF will work 60 hours and rake in $1500 a week - which I could never do at my job. *sigh*
Of course, having the surplus $10k is making it easier but my aim is to have that, and more, in there at all times.

Last week our friends R & M made the announcement at another friend, L's, birthday party. They are 14 weeks along and it was unplanned, but they are happy, although completely stumped as to what they should be doing (babies were not on the cards for another few years for them).

While it's extremely happy news all around, the 'childless' group is getting increasingly small!

C & E just had their baby girl last month.
DF's sister A & fiance D (D is DF's best friend) are due in July.
M & A are due next month.
A & A are also due next month.
As well as J & K also due next month, expecting twins.
My friends N & N had their second child in January.
A girl I went to school with is due in three months.
Another close friend R & her boyfriend J are planning on having a baby in a year.
A friend of R & M had a baby boy 4 months ago, who also attended the party, where the announcement was made.
The birthday boy's sister also attended the party and bought with her, her husband and new baby boy as well.
And now R & M are expecting as well.

And to top it all off, at the party last week DF spent half the night holding the 4-month-old baby boy for the friend so she could eat her dinner, and just about everyone cooed at him "It suuuuuiiittsss you, D!".

Can I just say, *PRESSURE*, anyone???

Personally I would LOVE to have a baby right now, but we are not in the financial place we would like to be in at that time. And I would rather be at ease financially, as I can imagine everything else will be chaos at that time, it would make things so much more harder having to worry about money too.

But jeez, I am feeling surrounded by babies at the moment, it's all getting a bit insane!

Last week I heard from my mums partner that my mum kept him awake all night because she had been drinking - she was singing, shouting and talking in riddles (as she does) all night.

(She does this every so often - but usually not all night - only for a few hours).

The next day was a day I am meant to work at the home office there. I did not know any of the events from the night before, so when I got to work my mum was in a bad mood and still in her pajamas.

I had to go and clean our rental house a bit and let the flea control guy in, so when I got back, mum's partner was there. He asked me if I could please work from home that day as they had some things to work out.

DF told me that night what had happened, and so it all made sense. When I went to work the next day, I heard my mum and her partner talking about a meeting that my mum had to go to. I finally figured out it was an AA meeting.

I can't tell you how excited I was that she was finally going! It has taken literally YEARS to get some her to take sort of recognition of her problem, let alone convincing her she is WRONG and that she needs to DO something about it. She always says she will 'see' someone. It has sadly never gone beyond that step, the promise of 'seeing someone'. So I was excited that not only (again) had she said she would see someone, but that there was intent to GO to an AA meeting. As in, they knew the times and the place!

Anyway, long story short the next night we had dinner at our place for my sister going away - and my mum had already had a few drinks, and was drinking while she was there.

I can tell you, I was not a happy camper. I really did think that maybe something might be done about it this time - but instead nothing was done. Again.

I just feel disappointed. I am not even SAD about it anymore, I am just angry, personally.

But I am indeed sad for my mum's partner. After 10 years (approx???) you would think any other guy would just walk out. He has had to deal with a lot of issues. He has had to care for and provide for mum, myself and my younger brother and sister. He has been hit by my mum and yelled at, and she has left him numerous times only for him to welcome her back when she sobers up. Sure, he gets angry sometimes, and we always got in trouble for little tiny things - but I just can't believe how much he has absorbed from my mum but has never left.

Anyway I am really sorry to vent and burden everyone here, but you all seem so understanding every time I do have troubles. And I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest.

My mum & her partner are sending my sister (14yo) to live with my grandparents, two states away, on a rural, almost self-sufficient farm. She will still go to a larger school in a CBD - so she will have contact with society lol.
I am in two minds about this. Here's why:
The good part: my sister has a bit of an 'attitude' and I don't think she hangs with the best kids at school. Living with our grandparents will give her some freedom but also teach her to be more respectful. She'll be learning a very different lifestyle, as currently she lives in a coastal suburb on a 500m2 block - as opposed to many many acres of bushland she will have to explore living with the gramps. She'll also learn to be more useful as she'll have to learn to do 'stuff' on a farm. She will also be able to get away from my mum. I know that sounds terrible, but our mum is an alcoholic but won't do anything about it, and thinks everyone else has a problem with her drinking. I think my sis is actually excited about the fact she won't have to deal with mum anymore.
The bad part: She is, technically, being shipped off. I am going to have to make sure I show her she is not forgotten, and that she is loved. I will have to send her letters and little packages all the time so she does not feel abandoned - as I am sure that my mum will forget about her. Yes, terrible. (and I don't mind in the SLIGHTEST about the $ it will cost me to send this stuff - she is my little sis and I would give everything to protect & help her). She may be a bit isolated there seeing as it is miles from other people - and then the other people would be farmers anyway. Also, I can't help but wonder, what happens if her attitude doesn't get better? Or what happens if she falls in with the wrong crowd there? The gramps aren't going to notice as much as DF and I would (I see her at least once a week at the moment). What if she goes and gets herself PREGNANT or something? ARGH! Anyway. My main concern is that she will feel abandoned and shipped off. I keep talking to her and just mentioned her 'getting away' from mum, so that she feels good about that prospect. Am I doing the right thing? Is it a good idea to put it in a positive light?

At the moment it appears to be just a year-long arrangement. My sis mentioned she hopes she can come back for years 11 and 12 (she is in year 9 now).

*sigh* I just don't know.
She doesn't seem particularly upset about the prospect as the moment. The only thing she is a little upset about is that she just made friends with some people, as last year wasn't that great for her in terms of making friends.

Looking back, I didn't change schools in high school - but then again the friends I made at high school I no longer talk to anyway, they were all not particularly nice to me anyway - only it took me until the last few years to realise it!

The thing that our parents don't seem to get is that SHE IS A TEENAGER. Our parents seem to have this idea in their heads that kids have to perfect all the time. We all got in trouble for the littlest things. And then we would get lectured for HOURS (literally...hours) about it, and by the end of the lecture you would have no idea what the problem was in the first place because they would go off in tangents and talk in riddles all the time.

Which is why I do think a tiny bit of this change for little sis would be good. Good for HER and her wellbeing.

And then there is my little brother. He is 15 and can basically look after himself - doesn't seem to give the parents as much trouble as little sis. He plays video games and is pretty introverted - but does have a large group of friends. He isn't causing any 'problems' so of course he is not getting shipped off - also he just goes into his room when mum decides to have a bit of a drink, or disappears.

Anyway. Whenever there seems to be a problem with my mum - like her drinking, or smoking, or how much work she does at the business (not a lot these days), all of a sudden there seems to be some big issue with something else, so then everyone focuses on THAT problem, and then mum doesn't have to do any of the things she says she will (like, go to counselling etc).

ARGH.
Anyway, sorry for the rant.

Yesterday I paid for and filed our mail redirection form. $36 for six months. Hopefully I can get my act together and only have it for the six months!

I also paid rent ($420) yesterday. Today our weekly mortgage payment comes out ($430.15).

DF finished the last coat on the floor, so pictures will be up soon! I could only make it to one of the bedrooms last night to have a look, before having to sprint back outside. The coating stuff they use makes your eyes water and your nose burn, and your throat gets all itchy. Euch! DF and the apprentices wear gas masks when they coat floors.

So today I am working until 1.30pm, then I am going to move a load of stuff and hopefully the place will have aired out a bit so I can wipe the dust off everything.

Tomorrow is my dad's birthday, I mailed him a screenprinted shirt I made. Hopefully it gets there in time, and hopefully he likes it!

This weekend is going to be the last weekend at our rental house! Our internet is getting disconnected tomorrow and hopefully will be re-connected next week.

I have been thinking more about the 'friend' I mentioned in my previous entry. I think I have decided that: I will not reply - however if she decides it would be a good idea to actually call me, then I will tell her I am usually free on weekends.

*sigh*
problems seem to be rearing their ugly heads and ticking me off this week.

I will have to give you some back ground information: (some of you may remember this from a previous post).
I have a friend who is the same age as me. We met when we were about 4, and were best friends. We lost contact at about 13, and I found her on myspace when I was about 19. We chatted like we were old friends. When I visited my dad, she came and stayed (as my dad was almost a foster dad to her some times) and then I went to her place for a few days.
I booked more holidays to visit my dad a year later. I booked them in January, to fly and visit them in June-July. I sent this friend a message the DAY i booked the tickets.
We also planned to go to a festival together, in my state, and she flew up to where I live. She didnt book her tickets until about three weeks before the date of the festival, and I had previously planned on taking the monday off to drive her to the airport. She called me to say she was flying up Friday morning, so I had to take Friday off as well. "It's ok, that's what friends do" I thought.
While she stayed, she flashed around a stack of cash that she'd earnt for public holiday work, and money she'd been given by her grandparents. (around $700). She was also excited that her dad paid for her flights. During the time she stayed with me (friday, saturday, sunday and left on monday morning) she kept reminding me of all the things she was missing out on while she was visiting me. 'I'm missing so-and-so's 21st for you'. Yes, she actually said that. She also spent about three hours every day talking on her phone to her then-boyfriend and other friends. I also had MY friend notice that she was a little immature - but I think it was just that she acts like a 20 year old, when I normally hang out with 30 year olds and probably DON'T act like a 20 year old. She used words like 'gay' and 'retarded' that just made me want to cringe.
I have also noticed that she has to be better in every way. Her clothes have to be more expensive. She has to weigh less, but she can eat more than me. Her computer is BETTER than mine. Her phone is better than mine (she does actually say this to me, yes). Her ipod is better. Her job is apparently better. (she actually asked me a few months ago, 'so are you still working at the same jobs and stuff?' even though I have been at one job for 8 years and the other for nearly 3 years.) *sigh*

Fast forward to a month before I am due to visit my dad. I was using msn messenger (that's the way we communicate mostly). She asks me 'oh, when are you coming down again?' I told her the dates. 'Oh, I can't get time off then'.
I was a little shocked. Disappointed. Angry. I went for a little walk to calm down, then I sent her a message that said I was disappointed that she couldn't organise a day off, even though I gave her 6 months notice. I also mentioned that I was able to organise another day off in only three weeks time. I also said I understood that she was stressed about training (she's a gymnast) and that in the end it would all be fine.

She fired back that she was SORRY that she had to work, that she was SORRY that she saved EVERY LAST SINGLE CENT to come and visit me (um, what?). She said some other stuff but I can't remember. Then she said 'whatever', and then went off-line. I sent her an email that said I too, was sorry. I must have been mistaken. I thought her dad paid for flights, and I thought her grandparents gave her hundreds of dollars. I said it was fine, I wouldn't bother her again about it. I also said I thought she was one of the 'honest friends' that I could TELL when I was ticked off. I said, obviously not then. So I won't bother you with any of the emotional stuff that comes with a deep friendship. She didn't really talk to me again after that. I sent her a message when I was visiting my dad, and we DID end up catching up. I had to take a 1.5 hour train trip, meet her in the city for lunch and a coffee, and then go back.
And again, since then, I don't think I have spoken to her. I realised a few weeks after that trip that I was always the one initiating a conversation - she never said hi or anything like that. So I thought to myself, 'ok, I will wait for you to say something to me'. And you know what? It's been nearly a year, and the only thing she has said to me is, what type of new phone did you get, when she was commenting on a status update on facebook. Like I said, we have a truly deep relationship! (not).

So. That's the back ground info. And this is what I need help with:
I decided, months ago, that this was a friendship that I was willing to let die. We have nothing in common except things that we did when we were younger (barbie dolls, jim carrey movies etc). I felt like I was always making the effort - in a year she has not initiated a conversation, an email, a facebook wall post, a text message, a letter...
The friendship does not fulfil me in any way. I do not feel good about it. I do not feel liked or cherished.

Yesterday, I commented on a facebook status update of hers that said she was going on holidays. I asked 'where are you going?'. She responded that she was going to the Gold Coast (two and a half hours drive from me - in the same state). She said to let her know if I have time off, and her and her now-boyfriend will come and do a day-visit and see our new house (oh - and she has not said anything about us buying a house - no congratulations, no nothing).
I don't know what to reply. If I HADN'T asked, she would not have offered. She would not have even TOLD me she was there. I would have seen the photos on facebook the day she got back.
I have made the decision that I am NOT taking time off for her. But I just don't know what to write back now. Should I just not respond? I know if I act cheery and say 'sure, come up on the weekend!' i will feel yucky inside, knowing that I am being a fake person to keep things smooth on top.
What would you do? What should I do?
Should I just not reply? Should I wait for her to physically call me on the phone before I respond? Should I fake a smile?

Random updates:
- my sister 'ran away' from home (meaning, she walked to our place and stayed over) last night. all is fine now apparently. i think it has more to do with her being a teenager than my parents this time lol.
- Went to the bank and we are now set up with internet banking and Life Insurance (accident, trauma, illness AND death cover!) Currently at $61.35 a month, but we are going to make an appointment later on to see if we can get it reduced a bit. It's standard cover, and because neither of us work in a high risk job we might be able to get it tailored to our occupations and save a bit extra.
- Went and got the ultra sound on my leg but I won't know the results til I go to the doctors. Hopefully I will make an appointment this week or next.
- I have been going well on some of my Feb goals and not so well on others. Atleast SOME are going well..
- I have realised I MUST stop using the internet on my phone because it is costing me a lot of money! I got a $12 charge for last month. *sigh* sometimes you just HAVE to look something up on google though, you know?
- A friend of a friend is bugging me to join a bike class at her gym. Not only do I HATE gyms, I have my own exercise bike. When I made an excuse about money, she said 'classes are only $4'. I was like umm... yeah... well... (I am not eager to show the extent of my cheapness...)
- DF made dinner on Sunday night! He made himself a roast lamb and roast veges, steamed side veges and heated up a tofu/bean/tomato mix for me. He also did half of the dishes. ALSO he did the dishes for me last night too because I burnt my hand at work. Not badly, but badly enough for me to whinge about it!
- Speaking of dishes, we have come up with a plan: DF will do the dishes once a week, and cook once a week. Then it means I will only nag him once a week. I don't mind cooking dinner, and I have no idea how to use a lawn mower/whippersnipper/edger so I'd say that's fairly even. We share the laundry evenly and I don't mind the rest of the housework.
- Grocery expenses have been high this month which is a bit of a bummer, though I'm not really sure why. I will have to work on reducing the costs of our meals.

Well, that's all my updates for now. To end on this post, I will leave you with a picture of a tattoo that I got over a year ago:

well, some of you may know the story of our ex-flatmate, who is DF's sister (let's call her A)
She used to be with DF's best friend, L, but broke up with him after two years because she no longer loved him. She moved to live with us, and started a fashion course - which she quite after six months (it was a year long course). A year after the breakup, and six months of living with us, she decided she liked another of DF's friends, D.
L obviously wasn't happy and it caused quite a rift in the circle of friends. L proceeded to send abusive text messages to both D and A, and this put my DF in a hot spot. He defended his sister obviously, which lead to DF not really wanting L as his closest friend anymore.
A and D made plans to live on D's block of land in a shed that they are currently building, when our lease ran out (january).
After about three or four months (?) of being together, A & D announced they were having a baby. This was while A was still living with us. She would visit D every weekend. The baby would have been due in March this year - two months after the shed was supposed to have been built.
They had a miscarriage after six weeks.
A was upset when the doctor told her to wait for three months before trying again.
On christmas day they announced they were 12 weeks along again (so I think I worked out that they only waited two months at the most). The shed still isn't built, so they rented a place in the town where D lives, about a month and a half ago.
DF's mum called him the other day to talk. She mentioned to DF that A didn't seem happy when she talked to her last, on the phone. She said they (A & D) seemed to be having some kind of tiff in the background. Something about they yelled at each other 'not liking your attitude' and 'yeah well i don't like YOUR attitude'.
I have been careful to step around this issue, after all it is DF's sister. But DF and I had a bit of a chat about it and we are both on the same page, technically. I said to DF that I just think they went WAY to quick on EVERYTHING. I mean, I KNOW that lots of people still work out like this, six months together, a baby, moving in (AFTER getting pregnant...?). Anyway, all that is not my point really. It is SOME of the point, but mostly it is just to do with A. She just doesn't seem to think about anything other than what SHE wants to do.

But anyway, the whole point of this little rant was to say that it doesn't surprise me that they have begun having tiffs already, after living together for a month and a bit. They've spent some time living together, but it has been with his parents. A doesn't exactly clean a lot, and I think D, having lived with his parents for a while, might take a bit of getting used to doing things for himself. He is also working full time, while A doesn't work (you know, being pregnant and all...) A also doesn't think anything of laying in front of the tv all day - even if there's a sink full of dishes and the hosue is filthy, AND it's her turn to do all of those.

Yes, it's true, I did get the shits with her a bit when we lived with each other. I never let on though, as she's 25 and apparently an adult. I also knew it was only a temporary arrangement (a year) so there was no use stepping on peoples toes about stuff that they should already have learned how to do properly.

But anyway, I think this whole experience is going to be very interesting for them. DF has already said he almost 'can't wait' until D comes to him and says something about A (who is DF's sister). DF said he will be like 'yeah well, that's A... that's my sister for you'. DF also said it wouldn't surprise him (and me) if A called the wedding off at some stage during the next year or two and said 'that's it!'. It really would not be that much of a surprise. It might sound harsh. But it's the way she is. You can't tell her no, you can't even tell her 'i told you so' because she will get angry at you. you can't reason with her because she will say she knows everything about what she is doing. she doesn't learn from her mistakes either. she doesn't learn about jumping in too fast. you just have to sit back and go 'oh, here we go...'