I went to a friends place last night to catch up with a group I don't see often. I have known most of them for around 2 years, and one girl I have only met twice.

After a few drinks were consumed (by others - I wasn't drinking) the subject got around to debt. Since we are all in the same age group (22-25) it was interesting to hear everyones financial situations, as it's usually not something so openly talked about. And well, didn't I get a shock?

I already am aware of one friends financial situation. She got into a lot of credit card debt ($30k) at 19 and signed a debt agreement to pay it back. She is at around $17k now and will have it paid off in 3 years. Most importantly, she hasn't gotten herself into any other debt and I have to say she's doing quite well - I've been around to watch her change her financial viewpoint and hopefully I have helped her a bit here and there.

As for the others, I am just in shock. I guess because my other group of friends is responsible with money (and in their late 20's or early 30's), I just assumed that these girls would be too. Besides, they're only in their early twenties!

One has two maxed out credit cards ($6k) and a large personal loan ($9k)- and is unemployed.

Another girl, along with the father of their two children, has a mortgage (that's actually more than the house is worth) of $335k, a personal loan FOR THE DEPOSIT that her and her partner put down on the house ($20k), two loans for two brand new cars (~$40k)and three maxed out credit cards (totalling ~$30k). The sad story is that they have just split up too - she does not work and is now living with her mum and has decided to do an advanced diploma in nutrition - the father is an electrician.

And the last girl has two nearly maxed credit cards ($7k), a personal loan ($5k) and a car loan (~$11k).

Except for the girl with the mortgage, the others have no assets at all except for their cars.

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AND!!! when we went out, we had to find an ATM for two of the girls that would do cash out on credit cards (cash advances) - as the first two ATMs wouldn't allow it. Their reasons for getting cash on credit?

'Oh, I'm broke til pay-day... Wednesday.'

said with a kind of shrug and a smile on their faces.

Huh? Why are you even coming OUT tonight???

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I just don't understand all this. I've seen it all before here, but it's different because they talk about it as though it's normal, like it's a fact of life or something, and it doesn't seem to bother them. WHAT?! Atleast reading people's blogs here, you get the general idea that everyone is not so happy with their financial situation and are taking steps to change it. It seems like with these girls, they don't have any desire to change, and it's some kind of competition to see who owes the most.

(After much prodding, I finally told them our shared mortgage debt ($297k-ish) and personal loan of $2k. Their response was 'yeah, but how much do you owe on your credit cards...?'. When I said we had 3 credit cards but no credit card debt I was met with a confused look )

*sigh*

When we bought our house earlier this year, on settlement date the real estate office that handled the sale gave us a bag of goodies. In it was some camembert cheese, champagne, crackers, chocolate, a newspaper subscription, key rings and a book written by a local hinterland author, Allan Pease, about interacting with people, how to be a great conversationalist, how to talk to men/women etc etc. So it turns out that Allan Pease is actually well known in the motivational/public speaking sector, and out of coincidence I heard him on the radio a few days at work, too.

Having never read the book the real estate so kindly gave us, I decided to have a flick through yesterday, and found it to be really good.

I am terrible in social situations. Before I even *arrive* at a party or event my stomach is in knots from anxiety and I feel physically sick. ( I know, it's awesome to be me.) I have no idea how to talk to people I don't know so my conversation is stunted and awkward. My mind goes completely blank for any interesting topics of conversation, and any usual questions you would ask someone, even with people I know but don't see a lot.
This book was really interesting and I got a couple of things out of it:

First of all, people don't want to hear about you, they want to talk about themselves. Which sounds kind of harsh but kind of makes sense. So when you're trying to talk to someone you just met, don't sit there waiting for a gap in conversation so you can talk about yourself, keep the focus on the person you're trying to talk to. Eventually conversation will flow freely and they will ask you the same things.

Secondly it talks about the open-ended questions (which we all know is commonsense) but then also talks of using 'bridges' in conversations to keep it flowing, (which is my major downfall) if you are talking to someone who gives short answers. (Bridges are 'such as' 'which means' 'for example' 'how did you...' 'what type of...' etc - they encourage the other person to keep talking and explain their previous answer in more detail).

So anyway, I was wondering what other tips anyone on here has for being the life of the party. Or atleast, tips on not being the poor girl sitting in the corner looking sullen and waiting to go home. How do YOU talk to people? What are interesting conversation starters you use? What types of questions do you ask someone you just met?

There are two people in my life who are dear to me, who both live exactly the same way.

The first is my closest friend T, and the second is my mother.

They both smoke and drink heavily, and buy impulsively. They both have been/are bankrupt. And they both live paycheck to paycheck.

I admit there have been a few times where I have had to 'wait' until my next wage payment to buy something, or have had a feeling of relief when payday rolled around - but all those times, I have had money aside that I could use if I wanted to, I just chose not to.

There are many of you on this website who do live this way currently because of past choices, but are trying extremely hard to turn the cycle around, and many of you who have overcome this and no longer live this way.

I am worried about my friend as she is only 24 but I can see her staying the exact same way for the rest of her life - and turning out like my mother.

I guess I am wondering, how do you help someone who lives like this? How do you make them realise you don't have to live this way?
T does not seem to have a problem with it. When we meet for coffee on Wednesday, I cannot meet her before 3pm because her wages go in at 3pm. She cannot even afford a drink. I don't want to harp on it too much to her - but I am still unable to understand how she can think this is normal? And my mum too - but she has been like this her whole life, I can't try to help her any more than I already have. I guess I have kind of shifted my energy onto someone that might actually change. They are just so similar it scares me.

And they buy items that are totally unecesary. Atleast, to me I think that. Maybe, well, obviously, they are very much necesary to them. Like a sewing machine (to make curtains), or a surf board because suddenly T is interested in surfing lessons, and 'needs' a surfboard. They both have these obsessions that last about a month, spend a ton of money on and then aren't interested in them anymore.

And I think it's crazy.

Personally it would stress me out too much to live this way. I know it's not an 'ideal' situation, but aren't you meant to live like that temporarily? Aren't you meant to strive toward NOT being broke every payday?