We went out to dinner last night for a friends birthday - also an excuse for some of the group to come together, which has become something of a rarity these days, what with everyone busy with work, sick parents, babies etc.
The restaurant was alright- I wouldn't go there again, though. They didn't have a single vegetarian main meal and there were 3 vegetarians out of 10 at our table. It was French, I don't know if that has anything to do with it.
But that's not the point of the story.
After dinner we went to a bar, where we sat and talked for about three hours until they were closing. As we were leaving, BF got into an involved coversation with a friend, L (who used to be his closest friend but they have since drifted apart for other reasons), and I came into the conversation at the end. Apparently the friend (who is also my friend) said to BF that he got angry a few weeks ago when BF and him were on the phone talking about music festivals and concerts and snow trips, because BF told L that he wouldn't be doing anything this year, because we were buying a house. L said that just because we were buying a house doesn't mean we can't do anything, and that we should not segregate ourselves from the group. He said that it was a bit selfish, and that he had been there previously (being tight with money) and that now he was not as much, and he didn't want us to 'go that way'.
BF got annoyed but didn't say anything about it to L, only that going to music festivals and snow trips didn't rule out the occasional dinner out and lots of barbecues at people's houses. BF also mentioned to L that there were lots of people in our group having life changing things happen in their life this year, and there's no doubt that EVERYONE is going to stop doing a lot of things. L still wasn't listening, but we all left and went home. I hardly ever see BF moody or upset - usually everything is like water off a ducks back with him, but last night he was both. We had a bit of a talk about it, and I pointed out that L has gone from NOT spending money, to spending lots of money lately (he has had a bit of a personality change since breaking up with his GF - who is BF's sister - my flatmate). We, on the other hand, are going from spending money to not spending money. It's a little different, in my view. L has had to live tightly (by his own choice) and now thinks he is 'free' to buy and do what he wants. Whereas we have been able to do do that, yes, and now are realising that it's not something that sets you free (buying lots of stuff). I guess that the less things we buy that we don't need we start to realise how much we really don't miss them - L has decided to go without for so many years until he had his big breakup, and then all of a sudden he is all into buying and spending etc.
Am I right to feel angry about this? I guess I was just angry at the way he made BF feel - especially since they are supposed to be best mates. I think L is realising that he is the only one who doesn't have any huge decisions and life-changing events happening this year - he is probably scared that everyone is going to retreat into their lives (as you do when you're getting older) and he will have no one to play with. I just think it sucks that because of his own personal reasons he is trying to bring BF down. Why would you ENCOURAGE someone to spend unnecesary amounts of money in their first year of having a mortgage? I just don't GET it.
And another point is, we are NOT retreating/disappearing/segregating ourselves. We're excited that we'll have our own house that we can paint/do the floors/garden etc so then we can have barbecues and have people over. The place that we are thinking of moving is actually CLOSER to where L lives. I am just at a loss as to how he honestly thinks we are shutting ourselves off. A music concert is hardly the end of the world, and to tell you the truth we don't actually SEE anyone during it anyway because we all go off and do our own things. Their snowtrip to America last year, most agreed, was the last one for a few years anyway - this was before we had made definate plans to buy property.
am i wrong to feel angry?
January 11th, 2009 at 04:41 am
January 11th, 2009 at 04:52 am 1231649549
January 11th, 2009 at 05:19 am 1231651157
January 11th, 2009 at 06:07 am 1231654078
January 11th, 2009 at 06:20 am 1231654806
January 11th, 2009 at 07:08 am 1231657720
I don't think you are wrong to feel angry, but I think you would be wrong if you lashed out. I think the disappointments of the night got the better of everybody here.
January 12th, 2009 at 01:46 am 1231724776
I probably woudn't be mad, at least not until BF had a talk with friend to determine the real reason behind the accusations. just my opinion.