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I am not liking 2010 so far...

February 2nd, 2010 at 01:33 am

You know those times when EVERYTHING seems to be weighing on you, and you feel like curling into a ball somewhere dark and pretending you're not an adult and you don't have responsibilites? Yes well...

Prepare for a rant of selfish whining:

- I have a tooth ache. I need to get the tooth pulled but I don't want to because a) it costs money b) it will be partly visible when I smile very widely and c) it will mean going to the dentist, and no doubt being told what ELSE I need to get done.

- Every time I get in my car I see little glass shards that the vaccuum didn't pick up and I get annoyed, because it means I have to clean my car again. And it reminds me of the recent $456 expenditure we had to cough up because some no-nuts kid threw a brick through the window.

- It's hot and I hate hot weather.

- The gutter on one side of our house is full of leaves from a Jacarandah tree and it is DF's job to hack the tree branch off and clean the gutter, but he has not done it.

- There is a cement pipe in the ground that DF found that has broken and he thinks it might start causing problems for the foundation of the house if we don't get it fixed soon.

- Yesterday I scraped my mag wheels on the gutter. It's the first time I have ever done that in the 5 years of my driving life and now one of my wheels looks utterly crap.

- DF made a big deal about it because he was there when I did it, inspected the wheel, and found that my tyres are so worn down that we have been driving on the metal thread. I'm annoyed because I have been saying for MONTHS that I need new tyres and now I find that my tyres could have popped at any time while I was driving.

- Why am I annoyed? Because every time something happens to my car, I have known for months that something needed to be fixed, but DF has insisted that he will do it. He then never gets any time to do it, and then it's MY fault beause *I* haven't fixed it. And because I don't know as much about cars as he or his dad does, I feel like I shouldn't go to the mechanics by myself because I'll get duped. So then when I do go, I'm nervous about it. (Which it always ends up being fine anyway...except I then get into trouble from the *mechanic* about the state of my car...)

- So today I have spent $228 on new tyres, which is depressing because of the amount of money my car seems to have sucked up lately.

- I told DF how much money we had in our account yesterday, and he remarked that I should bring home more pies from work. I know he was only (partially) joking, but this is a long running annoyance of mine. Because I work at a bakery, people assume that I eat a lot of crap, and that I can take whatever I like home. And DF seems to believe this too, and is constantly bugging me to bring home 'treats', like end bits of slices and broken bits of cake etc. First of all, I'm so busy at work most of the time that I don't get a chance to eat AT ALL, for my entire shift. Secondly, I have to pay for everything just like customers do, except for ONE free loaf of bread each day that I work. If I took pies home to eat for dinner instead of shopping for groceries, it would probably end up that we spent MORE. And lastly, I am of the type that will eat something if it is THERE, and DF knows this, but still asks me to bring things home, which I refuse to. So then he says it's not fair (?? whatever) and then uses that as an excuse to buy chocolate and icecream every week.

- Furthermore, DF's eating habits are grating on me lately. I don't know WHAT has happened, but in the past two years he has gone from being mostly healthy, to completely UNhealthy. When he first started working for his dad, he weighed about 95 kgs. In our first four or five years together, he would get up a little earlier every morning and make a salad for his lunch as well as a Carmans muesli bar and some fruit, and he got down to about 78 kgs. Then all of a sudden he decided he was sick of that, started getting up later and took 2 minute noodles for lunch instead. His argument was that it was cheaper anyway, so what did I care? Only that it allows him to say 'hey, i can get a pub lunch because i only have two minute noodles and they won't spoil in my esky'. Coupled with getting up later usually means he gets a drivethrough breakfast as well, and all this is costing FAR more in money AND in health than a salad ever did. DF's now back up to about 86kgs, and his dad has remarked that he works slower and is more sluggish than he used to be.

- At the same time, DF insists that *I* should be healthier and exercise more. While I am NOT the type to be overly sensitive or get upset like most girls do when they are assessed on their fitness/health/appearance/weight etc, I *do* find it slightly annoying that he can say this to me on one hand, but then do the complete opposite for himself and write it off because 'his work is more physical than mine'. Pffft.

- The house is a mess and I don't feel like cleaning it. You know when you have a big party and you look at the cleanup job the next morning and don't know where to start? Well, it feels/looks like that. Minus the vomit.

- I haven't been able to sleep properly for what feel like weeks. At the best of times I get around 5 hours of sleep a night - I do *go* to bed with enough time to get 8 hours, but it generally takes me 2 or more hours to drift off. But lately I have nights where I don't sleep at ALL - about two or three times a week. It's getting to a point where everything is annoying me, just because I'm tired and cranky. (Hence, this entire post...) Furthermore, DF doesn't understand my predicament because he can fall asleep in 10 minutes. He says to me 'just go to sleep'. If it was THAT easy, don't you think I would have done that by now???

- It has rained for the past four days, and I haven't been able to do any washing. I don't feel like doing any washing anyway, but that's not the point. The point is that I can't, even if I wanted to.

- The dogs are a handful at the moment. Technically they're not any different than they were a month ago - but it just feels like it. DF was the one that insisted we get *a* dog. Then he was the one that insisted that we get a second one, to keep the first company. While that's all good and well and I love them, I feel like I am doing all the work. When we first got Jed, DF would take him for a walk every weekday morning. I would take him for a walk Monday, Thursday and Friday afternoons, and Tuesday & Wednesday mornings, and then we would usually take him together on Saturdays. Now, I have to practically drag DF to take both of them for a walk with me on the weekend - and I am the only one that walks them during the week. Sometimes DF will throw a ball for them in the mornings, but I don't think he does it every morning any more. On top of that, I also have to make their food every week and wash them.

*sigh* well, I feel slightly better after letting it all out. don't I just sound like a whinger?

8 Responses to “I am not liking 2010 so far...”

  1. davera Says:

    "...minus the vomit." Well, that's something, hey?

    Seriously, your blog is a good place to vent. We all know that it's tough when you're trying to do all the right things and feel like you're not getting support. Hopefully, you can wait until you are rested, calm and not in pain and can have an open conversation with DF about the things that are bugging you.

    But first things first. Attend to your health. It's more important than anything financial. And goodness knows, it's difficult to be in a positive frame of mind when you're in pain with a toothache!

    Get your tooth taken care of right away, as infections can spread to other parts of the body and you don't need those complications. The dentist may be able to save your tooth. If not, he/she can put in a bridge, which means that it will look fine cosmetically and it will give strength to the adjoining teeth. Expensive, yes, but you're only in your 20's and this is a lifetime investment.

    Also, when you're stressed and not sleeping well, that makes everything else seem super difficult, even things that wouldn't normally bother you. Try some valerian tea and take some relaxing time to yourself. When your mind starts spinning, give yourself a break, and just watch the thoughts go by, if you can, without attachment.

    I know you didn't ask for advice, but we care about you, and just take into consideration whatever makes sense to you! Keep us posted.
    This too, shall pass!

  2. frugaltexan75 Says:

    {{{hugs}}}

  3. gamecock43 Says:

    Oh men. I see a lot of my guy in yours. Sigh. I think all men are like that. They get fantastically excited about something and are so responcible just enough to make you think it was a good idea. Then they start slacking.

  4. zetta Says:

    Insomnia just makes everything else so much harder to deal with! Do you think it is stress-related, or have you had insomnia pretty much all your life? I get stress-related insomnia, and find the best thing to do is to tackle the causes of the stress.

  5. fern Says:

    Take care of that tooth so that it doesn't really start getting painful on a weekend, when you'd have to tough it out. I wouldn't wait to do that cus it won't get better, only worse, and people say a bad tooth is one of the worst forms of pain!

  6. ceejay74 Says:

    Oh, I'm just catching up on blogs...those all sound like completely legit reasons to feel irritable! Hopefully DF's just going through a phase too...sometimes one gets demotivated for a period of time.

    Hang in there!

  7. miclason Says:

    ((hugs)) ref> the insomnia. You are so stressed right now, that you are probably just too tense to fall asleep (duh! Columbus discovered America!)... what I do when I'm overly stressed is I plan 30 minutes of what I call 'unplugging',which might be a book, some music, knitting, crocheting (those relax me) right before going to bed...that gives my body half an hour to get off the hyper stress mode to a point where I can sleep...so, while in theory I'm going to bed too late to get 8 hours of sleep, I'm falling asleep right away, instead of tossing, turning and torturing myself for 2 hours!

    Hope this helps!

  8. nmboone Says:

    I have the same problems with sleeping as you. My boyfriend can go to bed in minutes while I can't just turn myself off until I completely exhaust myself sometimes. I usually read right before I go to sleep because that seems to help.
    And the tooth thing, go when you can! I know the feeling though. I go in for a cleaning on the 10th but it's really going to be like a "OMG your teeth need so much work, how did you let them get like this??" moment. I'm really scared but now that I have dental insurance I feel a little better. I hope things get a bit better for you!

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