We haven't completely decided yet, but are most likely going to get married some time early next year.
It's not going to be a big wedding. In fact, we are not having a wedding at all.
Why?
Recent events have made us realise that some things are NEVER going to change in our family. It wouldn't matter if we tried to talk it out, separate those involved, have group mediation, ignore it or turn a blind eye etc. People are going to remain as they are, and we have come to accept that we can't change them, no matter how much we plead.
It would be silly to expect things to run smoothly, and I don't want to have that burden on a day that is supposed to be fabulous and all about love and family.
And I don't want to save money and fork out for an event that is going to leave a sour taste in my mouth when I think about it.
We can't NOT invite the people involved either.
Also, I have had a couple of friends ask me 'When is the wedding date?' and then go on to say 'Oh, I love weddings...' etc. I have been feeling a huge amount of pressure to put on some type of show, which is really not my thing at all.
So we decided that, in the end, marriage is the unity of two people. When you pry away the layers of royal icing and lace, or whatever it is you have at a wedding, the bare-bones of it is that it's about two people saying they will be together forever.
And so we decided that instead, we will do something that is slightly alternative that WE enjoy as a couple, on the day, after registering the marriage, and that will be it. Maybe we will have a dinner out with some family members or friends, maybe not. Most likely we might make a quick weekend trip to see my dad - but that's it.
We have been talking about this for a couple of months now, and I think we have both felt a weight has been lifted. It feels so much better knowing that we don't have to do something solely because other people expect us to. I know it might upset some friends, but I can't help that.
My best friend is not fond of the idea. I'd go so far as to say she disapproves greatly. I think she thinks it's extremely unromatic.
Whew!
getting married
November 3rd, 2010 at 04:55 am
November 3rd, 2010 at 06:58 am 1288767491
November 3rd, 2010 at 09:54 am 1288778050
November 3rd, 2010 at 11:38 am 1288784327
November 3rd, 2010 at 12:23 pm 1288787037
Whatever you do, just make sure that it is special to you and your significant other.
I married my husband on Mackinaw Island (which is about 3.5 hours drive away from where we live. Whomever of my family wanted to come could or not. All of our favorite people showed up, about 18 of them. I planned a beautiful luncheon at one of the restaurants on the island and carriage rides. It was the best day ever; and then we went on a couple day roadtrip into the UP of Michigan for our honeymoon and had a great time, great pics and great memories. Total for our wedding, hotel accommodations, luncheon, clothes, eating out, gas, etc. was about $1,500.
November 3rd, 2010 at 12:52 pm 1288788745
November 3rd, 2010 at 01:45 pm 1288791955
November 3rd, 2010 at 02:15 pm 1288793711
((hugs)) You've got a great head on your shoulders, and I am proud of you! To do things for the reasons that are right for you shows true wisdom and maturity. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!
November 3rd, 2010 at 04:28 pm 1288801733
November 3rd, 2010 at 07:46 pm 1288813595
November 4th, 2010 at 12:47 am 1288831622
November 4th, 2010 at 01:21 am 1288833709
November 4th, 2010 at 01:22 am 1288833766
November 4th, 2010 at 02:56 am 1288839413
You're just as legally married whether or not you put on a "big show" or if you do what you want, and elope. Although you aren't technically running off, I am just trying to make a point. Congrats and good luck!
November 4th, 2010 at 03:25 pm 1288884349
November 4th, 2010 at 06:05 pm 1288893920
November 5th, 2010 at 04:01 am 1288929680
November 5th, 2010 at 12:14 pm 1288959267
Jerry
November 5th, 2010 at 08:19 pm 1288988371
We had a small ceremony in the morning that my friend got ordained as a minister for, and then a slightly bigger commitment ceremony/reception at that same friend's home later that evening. Of course, we were lucky (I'll go ahead and say it) that most of our family members lived too far away and it was too short notice to attend (but we had a good excuse with the fiance visa only giving us a small window of time). It was not very stressful and very very special -- but not as special as the time, effort, attention and affection we give one another on an everyday basis.
November 6th, 2010 at 12:44 pm 1289047445
Yes, do what makes YOU happy....if, down the road, you feel the time is right to do something more conventional to recognize the union, you can, but a you said, weddings cost a huge amount and why bother with all the fuss if attendees will be fueding.
November 6th, 2010 at 06:21 pm 1289067684
November 7th, 2010 at 11:05 pm 1289171125
You can still do something to commerate that doesn't involve inviting other people, if you want to.
For example, just because you don't have a formal ceremony that doesn't mean you can't go and have some formal photos taken.
17 years down the road from my wedding day, I still enjoy looking at the pictures, and my nieces & nephews get a real kick out of it since they weren't around then. If you have children some day, it's something they may enjoy too.
And I'll tell you a little secret (shhh ... don't tell my DH ...): On days when I am getting annoyed by him, looking at the photos from our wedding day help me remember why I married him in the first place!
Doesn't have to be pictures ... Just something concrete/physical that you can look at & touch from time to time that has meaning for you.
November 10th, 2010 at 02:19 am 1289355597
thanks everyone for your support, it makes me feel like we are making a good and level-headed decision.
November 11th, 2010 at 03:01 pm 1289487699
November 12th, 2010 at 02:32 am 1289529129
November 13th, 2010 at 03:54 am 1289620461
November 13th, 2010 at 04:20 am 1289622045
November 16th, 2010 at 10:44 am 1289904267
Hmmmmm.....Twelve years ago -My mother made my dress; I baked the cake and the tent was in a neighbours field, decorated with flowers from my parents garden; My husband-to-be borrowed a suit from one of my brothers and I wore ivy twined in my hair that had been plucked from the house five minutes before and we had less than 80 guests of just close friends and family - it was a GREAT wedding!
November 16th, 2010 at 06:50 pm 1289933444
November 19th, 2010 at 12:31 am 1290126686
We had a tiny wedding. Just me, DH, my BFF (witness) the preacher and his dog on the shore of Lake Tahoe. It was great and it was CHEAP!
November 20th, 2010 at 02:09 am 1290218982