DF and I are in an uncertain times at the moment. I think that my university course was started at a perfect time, because it gives me direction, even though the next 6 years are undoubtedly going to be tough. DF's dads business appears to be coming to a close. His dads inability to control his expenditure and finances, and take in any advice from others, means that in the next few months, unless some miracle happens, he may have to sell his house to pay his debts, and the business which has been running for nearly 10 years will have to fold. This leaves DF out of full-time work, and me out of part-time work. I don't see getting a job to be a big problem - I think that there is a lot of work out there, just not the glamorous, sought after jobs. If DF and I were in need of jobs, we would not be picky, which I think is a problem around here.
In other news, I am close to getting to a point where I feel that I would be better off never talking to or seeing my mother again. People constantly say that family is blood, and you can never let anything get in the way of that. But I know many of you SA'ers out there don't talk to close family at all, and it gives me hope that I am not the horrible person that I will no doubt be made out to be in the next couple of weeks. I don't really want to get into it in much detail (trust me, this entry could be a novel describing the events that have transpired over the past couple of days), as I am sure a few regular readers know of the difficulties I have with my mother and her drinking problems, paranoia and gambling problems etc etc. But basically the latest is that my DF is the alcoholic, and he is a bully and my mother is 'concerned' that I am with him. But when I questioned her on why, apparently it is because he confronted her yet again, this morning and yesterday, about her drinking and gambling habits. After some words from me, now she says she is no longer concerned about me, because I am 'the same as him'.
Seeing as in the 7.5 years DF and I have been together we have never fought and never separated, and always encouraged each other to have friends and have outside interests - I am glad DF and I are 'the same'.
In comparison, my mother and her partner have had hundreds of alcohol-fueled arguments and have separated completely and lived separately four times in the ten years they have been together. My mother has also driven all of her partners friends away and gets paranoid and jealous whenever he attempts to see a few mates who have stuck by him, or play a rare game of golf without her.
So, I guess I am glad that I am who I am, and DF is who he is. In the end, we should surround ourselves with positive and supportive people. My mother is not positive or supportive towards me, and I am not towards her. So I guess it is a two-way street really, and we would both be better off.
On another note, my eldest sister does not talk to my mum either, and has sworn she will not for another 9 years. It was for a completely different reason, but I wonder how many siblings it will take before she realises her mistakes?
there is a storm brewing...
September 21st, 2010 at 01:13 am
September 21st, 2010 at 01:30 am 1285029008
September 21st, 2010 at 03:23 am 1285035786
September 21st, 2010 at 03:52 am 1285037555
September 21st, 2010 at 05:00 am 1285041615
In stressful times like these, you need to stitch your own life tight first before helping others. In other words, you and DF need to keep both your noses above water, budget, make your plans, save your money, pay your bills...then if you have lots of spare energy, go for it. Its your life; I'm pretty sure you aren't getting brownie points either.
September 21st, 2010 at 05:01 am 1285041686
September 21st, 2010 at 02:53 pm 1285077213
Whitestripe, I sent you an email.
September 21st, 2010 at 03:01 pm 1285077672
We have this gene in my family - my aunt is completely insane and my sister is semi-insane. If either of them was my mother, I would have disowned them LONG ago. (As is, I really have nothing to do with them - just pointing out I'd feel the same even if they were my mom).
Oh yes, and there is also my insane grandmother on the other side of the family. She is on her own - not sure what happened to her. She was just a vile person.
I have a wonderful, wonderful family, but the toxic people still show up here and there. I don't think you are terrible at all for removing yourself from those toxic situations. ((HUGS))
September 21st, 2010 at 03:06 pm 1285077983
September 21st, 2010 at 06:50 pm 1285091446
September 21st, 2010 at 11:52 pm 1285109563