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Home > i don't like sharing!

i don't like sharing!

August 1st, 2009 at 11:11 pm

So, I think I have mentioned this previously, but haven't written much about it. I guess I have been pushing it to the back of my mind pretending it won't happen.

Next year, DF's apprentice will be going overseas. DF's dad decided to offer his cousin a job in August (as in, 2009). I was initially against it because then we did not know the other apprentice was going overseas, and I think that the business cannot afford another wage. I became more against it because it became apparent that everyone except me thought it would be acceptable for the cousin to stay in one of our spare rooms (and pay rent).

Yes. He is family, and family should help each other out. That's what everyone has been telling me. And I *know* it's selfish and I'm acting like a little girl, but I just do not want to share a house with anyone else at the moment.

I know that compared to a lot of people, 4 years is not a long time spent in sharehouses for your life. I know normally you can spend up to and over 10 years sharehousing with other people. But I just DON'T like it. It was one the main motivations for even attempting to buy a house - the fact that I would not have to live with anyone I don't want to, purely for the sake of 'it's cheaper.

I think it may be different if I was a slob that didn't clean up after myself (and therefore didn't mind a messy house) OR a person who willingly cleans up after other people just because. (and yes, there are such people).

I cannot *stand* a messy house. Dirty dishes, crumbs on the floor, a full rubbish bin that smells, scraps of useless paper and junkmail left lying on the table, dirty plates and cups left everywhere, the whole issue of 'who washes the tea towels', dirty windows, mouldy bathrooms, hairballs etc etc. The vast majority of you have experienced this, I imagine.

You see, I don't like a messy house, but I don't believe that I should do all the work because of that. It should be a standard skill that all people are taught; how to clean up after yourself. And it honestly is NOT that hard. Especially when it is just yourself you are looking after. It's a different story all together when you are a family with children - I completely understand that!

But when you are sharing a house, how hard is it to wash your own dishes, figure out when it's your turn to do something and do it, instead of 'pretending' it's not. If the housework is shared equally by two or three adults, you have to admit if everyone is fair, there is not a great deal to do.

We had a great 'system' when sharing with DF's sister. It was a roster, and we took it in weekly turns to do the bins and floors, and turns to do the washing up. All would work well, but as some of you have read previously, DF's sister let the system down. She would ignore that it was her turn to do the floors, and then it would be my turn! And of course I would do it, because it was my turn, and I couldn't stand dust balls, dog hair and pieces of scrap paper lying all over the floor from her many collages.

The other thing I can't stand is mooching. DF's sister was actually good with this, she bought her own food and contributed with bills and household supplies. But our previous flatmate was another story. I would be cooking dinner, or would have just served up for DF and I, and he would waltz downstairs and ask 'ooh, what are you having for dinner?'. A general question, yes, but said in an expectant tone as though it meant 'Can I have some, because I'm too lazy to cook for myself?'. Unfortunately, he was also bad with household chores (cleaned the shower twice in three years - and expected applause both times).

So, it's true, I don't like sharing. But really, it's not the sharing that bothers me. Because believe me, I would be a happy camper if everything WAS shared. It's exactly that though, there was a large part of my experience in sharehousing where things that were supposed to be shared, WERE NOT shared. So excuse me if I have a bitter taste in my mouth!

And I do admit, I know nothing about this cousin of DF's dad. He currently works on a cruise ship and his contract expires in August (hence the working with us in August).

Now before I start arguing the other side of the story, I just want to flail my arms in the air and whinge 'it's not FAIR! we just bought a house and got engaged, why can't we be left in peace!!!!' *whitestripe flails arms dramatically*

---

So, to be fair: as I said, I know nothing about the guy. I don't even know how old he is (if he is over the age of 30, he *could* be alright). And he doesn't even know a) about the job offer yet b) about the ensuing argument about his accomodation and c) whether or not he actually wants to work for DF's dad.
So there are some big 'IFs' in these prospective plans. It could all fall through.
Some other things for me to consider are:
- like I said, he could be older, therefore more respectful of his place, our place etc.
- he may want his own place to live and not even consider living with us.
- if he does chose to live with us, DF's already said he won't be getting a free ride. The boarding money would help immensely with paying extra on the mortgage and the bills.
- he may only be wanting to stay for a week ro two until he finds his own place.
- he may even end up staying at DF's dads place (would be sharing a room with a teenage boy though!)
- he may only work here for a few months before deciding he doesn't like it.




9 Responses to “i don't like sharing!”

  1. cassandra Says:
    1249169156

    I don't blame you for not wanting to share your place. I really hate living with other people too. I also tend to be OCD on organization and cleaning and don't like messes. I'm a pretty stubborn person and once I get into the habit of doing something a certain way I do not like to change. Plus the privacy is an issue for me.

    Good luck with it. I hope it turns out the way you want.

  2. M E 2 Says:
    1249169390



    I guess the main thing I don't understand is why this cousin HAS to live with YOU? It sounds like you didn't offer/volunteer for him to live with you. Sounds like you were either offered up as an option or worse, IMO, you're being told he's going to live with you.

  3. gamecock43 Says:
    1249173684

    I also am cleaner than the average person. I find living with BB can drive me crazy! I would tell cousin he can live with you guys for 6 months while he gets on his feet and learns the area but then he needs to get out.

  4. miclason Says:
    1249181656

    Lol! I am not cleaner than average, but, I´m currently sharing a house with my sis and, despite many advantages, I DO want out!!!
    I understand you!
    (who knows, the cousin might not like sharing either!!!)
    Oh, and when you share with family, that sometimes is harder than with a stranger!!

  5. baselle Says:
    1249197564

    I think the issue you are feeling is the not the sharing (I suspect you are a mostly generous person), but the non-volunteer/family aspect of it. What if this guy's a troll? If he was a stranger you can throw him out on his a$$ immediately if he misbehaves. With family, the family politics gets complicated.

    DF's plan to charge him rent is a good one. If he's a slob, he'll probably be careless about the rent, which means that you both have a way around the inevitable family politics should you have to kick him out. DF is going to be your best friend in this.

  6. fern Says:
    1249215409

    Now wait a minute. If it's your house, no one should be telling you you "have" to let this guy live there. Yeah, it's family, but you haven't even met this guy? Also, it's a lot easier for others to say, It's family, you should help them out" when THEY'RE not the ones having to accommodate a roomie.

    It sounds like it's already been decided. But were you in on making that decision or has this been forced on you? I don't blame you at all and you're not being selfish. Living with other people, even family, can be very hard and very stressful.

    I would definitley prepare for this by thinking about what you expect of this roommate in terms of chores and responsibilities, then lay down the ground rules BEFORE he moves in AND what happens if he doesn't follow the ground rules. He MUST agree to this before he moves in.

    Becus if you end up picking up after him, i agree, it could make things really miserable.

  7. HELPmeFriend Says:
    1249306830

    Never come to my house! Papers, clothes, and even a few crumbs are on my floors.

  8. whitestripe Says:
    1249338299

    helpmefriend: i'm talking about MY house, my personal space, not someone else's. i couldn't care less what someone else's house looks like. i did also mention in my post that when you have a family it is completely different and i understand that. i don't have children, it is just me and DF. previously it was me, DF and his 25 year old sister, before that it was me, DF and his 30 year old mate. it's a bit different when there are children involved, which there wasn't for me and there won't be for a while.

  9. Nika Says:
    1249674907

    If you did do this, I would start with a solid time frame, just in case. Like one month.

    Than it is up to you to extend it if you are OK with an arrangement. And if it is not working out - no hard feelings, because you are not kicking him out - the agreed time is up.

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